Why are my DOWNS taking over my HIGHS?

Struggling with any mental problem is awful but I know that we all learn our trigger points and here latley my Bipolar episodes are really affecting every aspect of my life. I hide behind that big door ALL THE TIME!!!! I am so tired. My lows are taking over my Highs. I like the High parts of my illness. I am so happy and worry-free. Now just a simple word- that is amazing to me that a simple word can trigger me into a even lower point. My son is 16 and he can just say something like : "I was suppose to have this paper signed" or " I forgot to tell you......." and ITS ON LIKE A BAG OF BONES!!!! I start feeling alone and worried and depressed and want to isolate myself (more than I already do) and just not talk to anyone or do anything. And lots of other stuff but that is to name a few. I am a SOOOO SINGLE-SINGLE mother and I go to school and have NO BOYFRIEND!!! I tend to run them all off. hmmmmm..... imagine that!
Looking for some responses good or bad! Thanks

I used to like the high parts, but in the last year they have taken a turn from pleasant into the realm of just plain uncomfortable...where I used to have these lovely, productive, creative hypomanias, now I usually just have mixed states or a manic state that consists of extreme anxiety, irritability, moodiness, impatience, restlessness...so uncomfortable. I used to say I'd never trade being bipolar (back when I was "soft bipolar" or type II) because the highs made the lows SO worth it. Now, though, as a type I, I wish wish wish I could just be normal--the lows are terrifying and exhausting and the highs don't even feel like highs; they just feel like depression wearing its clothes inside out. If that makes sense. I have to admit I was taken by surprise when my bipolar II quickly turned into very obvious bipolar I...it can happen quickly and it can be a whole different experience with regard to highs and lows and everything in between.

Have you spoken to your doc about your perception that the lows are increasing and the highs are decreasing? It could be significant and is definitely worth mentioning.

Hi Shakti,

"the lows are terrifying and exhausting and the highs don't even feel like highs; they just feel like depression wearing its clothes inside out. If that makes sense. I have to admit I was taken by surprise when my bipolar II quickly turned into very obvious bipolar I...it can happen quickly and it can be a whole different experience with regard to highs and lows and everything in between."

I like your description very much, Shakti! Once I was diagnosed, I had BP II, but very quickly it turned into BP I. I can't say that I really enjoyed my hypomanias, apart from the fact I was very active and could accomplish really a lot. Maybe it was also because I wasn't aware of it at the time that what I was experiencing was hypomania. I was undiagnosed. And I could be pretty irritated, angry and nasty as well.... Not something I am proud of !Over time my lows have become lower and intenser, ough. And I do have more lows then highs, although overall it is hard to say what is happening sicne I am all over the place even with meds. Hoping to get more stabilized with Abilify added to my regimen. Will see.

This. (Except that I did enjoy the good parts of my hypomania). Although undianosed for about 30 years, looking back it seems that the lows have become more frequent, lower and more intense (though meds have been helping signicantly with this). My old P-doc, when I was hypomanic and resistant to starting meds, told me that, the untreated progression does tend to get worse and with more mixed episodes. Reflecting back, this has been true for me. More mixed? No thanks! They suck! Big time.
Happy&sadglad&mad, I totally have that all-it-takes-is-the-least-little thing too. Are you on any meds, happy&sadglad&mad? I've found them to be helpful with that.

"now I usually just have mixed states or a manic state that consists of extreme anxiety, irritability, moodiness, impatience, restlessness...so uncomfortable." I can totally relate to this description of hypomania/mixed stage.

happy&sadglad&mad - I don't have much to add, but just that I really relate to what you feel. And you are not alone. Work with your p-doc and do your best to get the medication right (HUGS))