[BNLsMOM]

There was a post this morning about taking an OD and then nothing.

We're worried about you, Sugar!

[NuckingFutz]

Sugahorse, just let us know you are okay!

[FeelingHopeful]

Sugahorse I hope your doing ok!! Thinking of you! Please write and let us know your ok.

[BNLsMOM]

Of course, it is 3:30 in the morning in South Africa. Hopefully you are sleeping safe and sound.

[NuckingFutz]

Ah, now there's a clue. Hoping to see you in the morning.

[Trippin2.0]

Suga!!! Suga!!
Please log on ASAP and let us all know you're okay...PLEASE

PM me if u need to talk...

[sugahorse1]

I'm still sitting here with tears welling up in my eyes and canot shake that feeling - I haven't had any emotions the last few days, and the last fwe months i haven't been able to even cry

[Trippin2.0]

Don't worry, we are here for you. Please go see your pdoc ASAP so he can help you. You once said to me that it's very important to reach out, please listen to your own advice at these time... I know it's a very bad sign for me personally when I feel like that, it's a start to something huge and extremely negative. Please don't let it spiral if it really doesn't have to, you are very much in touch with your emotions, and your "space" so please, if you know something's wrong, don't sit around and wait for it to manifest itself...

We are here for you, but you also need to take care of yourself. I know it's not easy when your support system's pre-occupied in your time of need, but we are still here, even though it's not a physical presence.If you are on MxiT and would like to chat to me in real time, PM me your contact, if you don't, you can PM me anyway. You've been an immense source of support and given me valuable insight when I needed it most, don't rob yourself from getting the same...

[sugahorse1]

i just don't know what else my pdoc feels she can do for me
thanks Trippin - i need to pluck up the courage to phone
to ask her to help me, and prescribing more benzo's is not the answer.
i need depression to travel, i need to kick it

[Trippin2.0]

Honestly, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT SHE'S EVEN SUPPOSED TO DO...but she's the 1 person that CAN help and WILL.
So Please, I'm begging you, call her and tell her how horrid you're feeling so that she can assist.

Please remember that:
You need to look out for No.1 right now, you have to be your main priority...
You are worthy of assistance, support, and nurture.
You deserve to be able to smile, you are worth the effort...

[NuckingFutz]

Ah, there you are. I support a phonecall to your pdoc. I am behind you all the way.

[sugahorse1]

nope - haven't done it yet - she'll stick me into hospital and do ect i think
not sure if she'd scrap my meds, stop them cold turkey and start afresh

Lithium is not used much in south africa

but she'd prob go welbutrin and lamictin
i have the repsonsibility of exams tomorrow, and going away this weekend

[Trippin2.0]

[grizmom]

Originally Posted by sugahorse

nope - haven't done it yet - she'll stick me into hospital and do ect i think
not sure if she'd scrap my meds, stop them cold turkey and start afresh

Lithium is not used much in south africa

but she'd prob go welbutrin and lamictin
i have the repsonsibility of exams tomorrow, and going away this weekend

I wish there was something I could do for you! If you did go into the hospital, could a doctor write a note explaining that you need to write your paper/final/exam in a couple of weeks? I don't think they need to say why you are in the hospital, just that you are ill and require a hospital stay. I mean, if someone had to have an emergency surgery or something and needed to be in the hospital, I can't imagine that the school would make them take an incomplete or fail because of it. It's not your fault you are ill right now.

I don't know what your pdoc would do if you went in to the hospital. If she suggests ECT I would *think* you could ask to try a different medication first before going to that if you don't feel comfortable with it. Lamictal (lamictin) is the med that changed everything for me (for the better); lithium did nothing for me at all.

Whatever you decide, I wish you the best and hope you are feeling better soon!!

[sugahorse1]

This is our varsity - I've already deferred my exams once as I wasn't ready! argggggg

But it's nearly all over!

[grizmom]

Originally Posted by sugahorse

This is our varsity - I've already deferred my exams once as I wasn't ready! argggggg

But it's nearly all over!

ugh...well, since it sounds like you have no other options, I'm sending you lots of concentration and feel-good vibes...they are on the way!!!

[BNLsMOM]

Thanks for checking in, Sugar.

Responsibilities are difficult and moreso when you are ill. Last year, I knew I was going to the hospital and I had to get through my son's parent's night at camp before I went. I got through it knowing that I was going to do aomething to heal myself afterward.

Can you plan for the hospital on Monday? It really was a life saver for me three times.

I have heard that Lamictal is a great drug for so many people. It might be just the thing for you. Do they use Abilify in South Africa? I just went on it and my therapist is just amazed at the difference in me. So am I. I can get up and get my family ready for school, get myself all dressed and washed and get out of the house when I need to. My symptoms are disappearing and I am not flat. I don't know how long it will last, but I'll take it while I can get it. I thought I was up for a few days, but I am stable again at the moment.

[kadesgirl09]

so glad you checked in sugahorse! I agree with everyone else about checking in the hospital if thats what the pdoc recommends. Im sure its better than taking too many benzo's. Please stay safe and take care!

[NuckingFutz]

Suga, are you saying you want to press on through this school stuff THEN deal with the mental health issue? Just trying to clarify. I also believe that ECT has to be an elected proceedure.

[Amazonmom]

Glad to see you, SugarHorse.

I think Lamictal is worth a try, really knocked the heck out of my bipolar depression.

[sugahorse1]

Feeling a whole lot better - I really just get knocked flat with depression that just pounces on me. Wednesday mid-day it started, by that afternoon I was so depressed I didn't know what to do, Thursday I was highly emotional, and by Thursday afternoon more or less stable.
Now, I can only express this here on this forum, as most people will think I'm a total nutter: how do u go from ok, to suicidal, to ok, in like a matter of 2 days? When I get so down, I need to do something about it, and quick.
And just before Wednesday I was just thinking to myself how much more stable I felt now that the sodium valporate dosage had been doubled.

Finished writing my exams, and what will be, will be (At least I got 2 days off work, which also seems to be a toxic environment).

Finally plucked up the courage to phone my pdoc 5 minutes ago. Told her I felt the double dose of Epilim had dragged my cycle out from every week to biweekly. But that the depression still knocked me totally flat some days.
All she could say is that there is no magic cure, and as long as we are making some progress, it makes sense to continue in that vein.
I think I may have been hoping she'd put me on Welbutrin and Lamictin. So in 2 weeks I phone her again.
In the mean time, I'm beginning to think I really need to go see a psychologist too. I'm not sure that's what you guys mean when you talk about therapists...?
My appointments with my pdoc have been quite frequent (Max 4 weeks apart, as it's a new doc and I want to get the meds right) and they are about 1 hour, as she does do a bit of therapy. At the same time I'm concerned she's not the type to build up a relationship with me, and who I can phone to say I'm in a quandary and need help - NOW!
I understand that's not really the function of a pdoc. So that's why I think I need to see a psychologist. (s)he can get to know me, and when (s)he see's there's a problem, can phone the pdoc and maybe her/his call will hold more weight than when I phone and sound like a hypochondriac. I hate the thought of having to try ANOTHER pdoc...

[Trippin2.0]

Thanks for touching base

I hope things improve with the doc's ASAP, u deserve to feel HAPPY!!!

[kadesgirl09]

(((sugahorse))) I do know how you feel about being okay then suicidal then okay. Just last week I had suicidal thoughts come to me out of nowhere followed by an anxiety attack because I could never do that to my kids. I think it is because I cut my geodon in half due to the side affects of making me into a zombie. Either way I have had those thoughts a couple of times this month but the rest of the time I am fine. I didnt share on here about them for some reason but I want you to know your not alone. All I can do is break it down and tell myself I am not going to take too many pills RIGHT NOW. And then 5 minutes later the same thing, until I go to sleep (with the right amount of meds prescribed) and then when I wake up the next morning the thought is not only gone from my mind but its absurd to even think I was in such a state just hours ago. Anyways, Im here if you ever want to talk feel free to PM me. TAKE CARE! And enjoy your time off work!

[sugahorse1]

I just need to talk thro the low points - i think i am too emotional and sensitive, put my happiness in others' hands and always get let down

[NuckingFutz]

I would keep shopping for a pdoc. Hopefully you will be able to stablize on your meds pretty quickly. But it is important to have a t to work things out and your plate is pretty full right now. Sending you hugs.