[PufNStuf]

It's unfair.

It's like women who's periods sync. Except, our mood swings don't sync.

I found him passed out COLD DRUNK on the kitchen floor the other night. My Mom was a blackout alcoholic, so I just put a pillow under his head and checked for aspiration. Finally got him to bed. He definitely aspirated his own VOMIT. I stayed up ALL night to check on him.

I don't even want to tell my Mom (we're very close).

Now he's been in bed since that happened. We're supossed to be at a very important function YESTERDAY and it was a huge goal of his.

If I don't get out today, I'm going to get depressed. I get SO angry at him. I have no right to be angry...I used to slink off into bed for days...but this weekend was super-important to him....if I say anything, I'm afraid he'll bite my head off.

I was in a good place...two days of this has worn me down.

Supossed to be in very tight quarters if we DO go....and I think I'd rather stay home. The event has nothing to do with me. I'm so angry at him, I could throw a wet towel in his face.

I feel like packing up for a weekend trip to Mom's. Let him deal with his own self. I guess I"m not so understanding because he CONSTANTLY forgets his BPD med. Like he doesn't care. He doesn't seem to understand he has to be consistent. We only have problems when someone forgets their meds. It's like he doesn't care.

Sorry. Had to rant. Just very upset.

ETA: Maybe I wouldn't be as upset if he weren't letting a lot of people down...he needs to be there for their event to go smoothly....and it's like he doesn't care he's letting down a bunch of people...including kids. That's what gets me. The Moms are calling nonstop, panicking (he's financial support). He won't even call them back. I'm really disappointed in him. I don't dare get involved and contact them.

[sugahorse1]

Ahhh, so sorry PufNStuf. When you aren't 100% stable, the others around you tend to have a HUGE influence on your moods. When you aren't in a place to look after yourself and then have to look after someone else, the wheels fall of.
I have been there once too often too. I hope that you can soon sit him down and have a real indepth chat to him - how he impacts you and how these things make you feel.
Take some time out and look after you. GO for a walk, meet a friend for coffee, have your hair done... anything to make you feel better

[grizmom]

Sounds like things are really hard right now! Please remember to always take care of YOURSELF first! Taking his meds, living up to responsibilities, etc. are things that he needs to worry about. I know it's hard, but try not to let his problems become your problems.

[kadesgirl09]

(((Pufnstuf))) I hope you are able to communicate with him how important it is for him to resurface. I agree with the advise already given. Go out of the house for awhile and do something nice for yourself so you dont get so influenced by his mood. Good luck and take care!

[PufNStuf]

Guys,

Thanks for all of the encouragement. Called my Mom to see if I could go there for the weekend, and she said yes, but I don't want to bring her down...I just want to sleep. I've been in bed for the last 4 hours and I'm just going right back to bed. I guess it's too late - I'm totally anxious and depressed. I could barely drive to the PO box this morning...much less getting out and doing something for myself.

I'm going to go back to bed and try to sleep this off. I'll be back in a little while.

::::

[PufNStuf]

I took a shower. I scheduled a photo shoot (why, don't ask me). I haven't had a shoot since last year. A good photog I know begged me and like the wart I am, I agreed.

[PufNStuf]

Here's the other stupid thing: if anyone read my facebook page, they'd think I'm always on top of the world. Do you guys do that? Lie like that?