[onomonapetia]

Seriously. I promise I am not manic right now. I am not being cocky, delusional, gloating or anything like that at all. It always seems that my thoughts about things are always two or more steps ahead of everyone else. I'm sure you all have to know what I mean. I find myself becoming extremely aggravated with people (especially co-workers) when they suggest something that I know is ridiculous and won't work. My family has always told me that always think too fast about things. I can't help it, it's just the way I process things. It's kind of like the fight or flight response. I am always stuck in fight mode.
This all really sucks for a lot of reasons. Most people think I am a ***** because I never give anyone any credit. I always shoot people down before they have a chance to try anything at all. I guess that does make me a *****. Kind of a "know it all." I hate that about myself. I am really trying to remember that not all people think and do things the same way.

I always did really well in school and college. I never had to study, it all just came to me (well, except for math). I am so disappointed in myself. I feel like I wasted so many opportunities because of this ****** ****ing disorder. Now I am stuck. I have so many thoughts and ideas that run through my head all the time, but it is such a clogged mess up there that I can't ever put anything together that makes sense to anyone. I am also add/adhd so that probably has a lot to do with the congestion and not being able to "tune" in to a specific channel.

Sorry I am going on and on here. I know if I get off the computer I will go to sleep and I don't want tomorrow to be here yet. It's finally quiet. Booo.

Originally Posted by onomonapetia

... It always seems that my thoughts about things are always two or more steps ahead of everyone else. I'm sure you all have to know what I mean... My family has always told me that always think too fast about things. I can't help it, it's just the way I process things. I always did really well in school and college. I never had to study, it all just came to me (well, except for math)...

Hehe, onomonapetia... in a word: yes. Two or more steps ahead, that's how it feels. Sucking in information like a vacuum. It's all I can do not to bug out my eyes and very intensely say, "Next! Next! Next!" (While inside screaming, "I'm not a flippin' moron, you know!!! SPEED IT UP!!!" So.... yeah, also carrying on internal conversations in all the spare space of The Waiting for their next point.) It used to drive me positively off my gourd back in school when a point of information was covered more than once. They saw it as a teaching method. I saw it as an annoyance. A lot of times in talking with people, I'll say something like, "yup"... "yup, and?" and they'll get this look like, "but... how? I've barely begun..." Wrong. They're either over-explaining (like pointing to something and then, say, reading it aloud! Good grief! I can read and I'll be done with the paragraph before you've said the first sentence, so please stop!!!), or re-telling something they've already told me, even if it wasn't today. GOT IT!!! MOVE ON! Doesn't do much for my social life, go figure. Lol.
Process too fast. Never stop thinking. Overthink everything. Yup.
Ok, now that I've over-explained myself....

In fairness, sometimes I'm in a state where everything is soooo slow that it's hard enough to stay in the reality plane. Then I just don't care what they're talking about and they can take as long as they like!

[Parks]

I can relate alot to what both of you mentioned. Onomonapetia I become irritated with others because I seem to be two steps ahead of them mentally, and just wish they would speed up. Innerzone, I have actually used the exact same words as you to describe to others what I'm thinking many times. GOT IT!!! MOVE ON!!! is running through my mind countless times each day, especially at work. I tend to isolate myself at times and just work, work, work, to avoid having this happen around people. I also have times though where I seem to get stuck in mental quicksand.

Either way, it is a different pace from most other people.

[venusss]

Sorry, but I am better than some, at least what intelligence concerns. Judging by the percentage of people who have college degree and level of my IQ...

Since high school I lived among the "elite" (here we pass entrance exam for high school, I went to so-called "gymnazium" which is basically a preparation for university). I can get along with intellectuals. While I am nice to people with lower education, I just have hard time finding common topics with them. I appreciate people for what they do, I appreciate them as people... but people whom i want to spend time with should be on the same level of thinking with me. Because no, I am not bragging when I code switch, not bragging when I talk about philosophy and political science theories, not bragging when I use long words... that is me.

[blueoctober]

onomonapetia;it really depends who I'm around.....I am above average intelligence, but there are certainly many people who are smarter than me. I had to put effort into University (study etc.) to get good grades.

I am a perfectionist, and I also struggle with over functioning and that partly has to do with me thinking I can do it "better". When I'm impatient, short with others it's a sign that I am either stressed, over tired and/or hypomanic because it's not the norm for me.

[mommasuesue]

I have no idea what my IQ is but I always feel like Im smarter than other people I feel like some people dont know what they are talking about and I wont argue with them so I just nod my head and say ohhhhh ok !!! lol

[VickiesPath]

It's a proven fact that many people who are bipolar are often higher than average in intelligence. Also, people especially gifted in the arts are often bipolar. I happen to be all three....higher in intelligence, gifted in arts, and bipolar.

I think that developing patience with other people and circumstances is simply a matter of practice. I am 57 and for years upon years had the same type of problems you describe with wanting to scream, "can we please MOVE ON now????" To function successfully in society, one must develop a certain degree of decorrum when it comes to dealing with others and it just so happens that this is our burden to bear or our particular challenge.

The older I got, the fewer people I came up against who were slower than me. It had to do with ME getting older and my natural slowing down. I also learned to have some patience and play little mind games to occupy my idle time while waiting for others to catch up with my mind.

Be grateful for the GOOD things about our illness. It makes it easier for us to deal with the crap we have to deal with.

[onomonapetia]

"!!!" So.... yeah, also carrying on internal conversations in all the spare space of The Waiting for their next point.)"

"re-telling something they've already told me, even if it wasn't today. GOT IT!!! MOVE ON!"

^^^^THIS! Happens all the time. I always try to pretend that they didn't tell me already, but it does get hard to act surprised or interested when they tell me something repeatedly. I feel so rude when I am not listening to someone because I already figured it out a long time ago. It's hard being "present" during those types of conversations!

[Shakti]

Originally Posted by VickiesPath

It's a proven fact that many people who are bipolar are often higher than average in intelligence. Also, people especially gifted in the arts are often bipolar. I happen to be all three....higher in intelligence, gifted in arts, and bipolar.

[snip]

Be grateful for the GOOD things about our illness. It makes it easier for us to deal with the crap we have to deal with.

This. Definitely.

[StarryNight]

You have said exactly how I feel and think most of the time. I know from a school nurse telling me that I have a 140 IQ, and numerous self-tests since then have confirmed it. I was in honor society all throughout school, and in college, where I got an associate's degree in liberal arts. The problem is, I dropped out and went back 3 times just to get that. I have no focus, and my emotional rollercoaster and avoidance of people and social situations has ruined my life and wasted all of my potential.

So, am I conceited? Sometimes, about my intelligence, yes. The fact that the average IQ is 100 is frightening to me, and dealing with people on a daily basis is frustrating and annoying. The funny thing is, I don't have any social problems when I run into people who think like me and are intelligent enough to have a philosophical conversation with. Then, interaction just naturally flows. But, with 90% of people, I feel like I'm an alien. On one hand, I know I'm smarter than them, but on the other, I feel completely inferior because I'm not "normal." I am very self-conscious about my looks, and I feel like I don't fit anywhere. So, I guess those feelings of inferiority balance out my conceit about my intelligence, so I don't too often come off as being a jerk. I guess I would be considered conceited, if I didn't feel so completely disfunctional.

I seem to have intelligence radar. I can usually tell within 5 minutes of talking to someone whether or not they "get it," and if I can relate to them or not. It's funny; most of the people I've met who are bipolar are "my kind" of people. Most of the people I've heard from in the forums seem really intelligent and insightful. Are insanity and intelligence co-occuring conditions? Does intelligence cause emotional instability? I don't know, but I think more studies should be done on it.

Here it is Sunday afternoon, and I haven't left the house since Thursday (I took Friday off work). The weather is beautiful and I know I should get out, but to where? WalMart? There's nowhere to go and nothing to see, so I trap myself in my own little prison, where I don't have to deal with anyone. Well, tomorrow I have to go back to work, so it's back to trying to function and act "normal."

[Shakti]

Originally Posted by StarryNight

You have said exactly how I feel and think most of the time. I know from a school nurse telling me that I have a 140 IQ, and numerous self-tests since then have confirmed it. I was in honor society all throughout school, and in college, where I got an associate's degree in liberal arts. The problem is, I dropped out and went back 3 times just to get that. I have no focus, and my emotional rollercoaster and avoidance of people and social situations has ruined my life and wasted all of my potential.

So, am I conceited? Sometimes, about my intelligence, yes. The fact that the average IQ is 100 is frightening to me, and dealing with people on a daily basis is frustrating and annoying. The funny thing is, I don't have any social problems when I run into people who think like me and are intelligent enough to have a philosophical conversation with. Then, interaction just naturally flows. But, with 90% of people, I feel like I'm an alien. On one hand, I know I'm smarter than them, but on the other, I feel completely inferior because I'm not "normal." I am very self-conscious about my looks, and I feel like I don't fit anywhere. So, I guess those feelings of inferiority balance out my conceit about my intelligence, so I don't too often come off as being a jerk. I guess I would be considered conceited, if I didn't feel so completely disfunctional.

I seem to have intelligence radar. I can usually tell within 5 minutes of talking to someone whether or not they "get it," and if I can relate to them or not. It's funny; most of the people I've met who are bipolar are "my kind" of people. Most of the people I've heard from in the forums seem really intelligent and insightful. Are insanity and intelligence co-occuring conditions? Does intelligence cause emotional instability? I don't know, but I think more studies should be done on it.

My IQ is the same. And I also sometimes feel conceited about my intellect (and then very guilty for feeling that way and then I feel worthless for it as well). And my parents used my IQ to shove the point down my throat that so much more was expected of me etc. And now look? I'm just a thing. A smart thing, but still just a thing.

I too think that the guilt and feelings of self loathing that come along with my sometimes feeling superior to others in the intellect department balance each other out.

And that intelligence radar thing? Yeah, me too. And again, it makes me feel terrible, like I'm so judgmental. But it's not that I'm judgmental; it's that I have a need to know how patient I will have to be with someone and I also get very very VERY frustrated when people don't "get" things.

But my social intelligence? Zero. I'm well-educated, collecting degrees left and right, extremely book learned, can teach myself anything (but really cannot understand why things are generally taught the way they are in schools--it seems stupid to me and made too complicated, like languages, for example--I have taught myself several languages to the point of fluency and in relatively short periods of time, but I struggled though language classes in college because of the stupid way they dole out bits and pieces of info and then later modify it so they can dole out the next bit--it's retarded!! And counterproductive), and LOVE learning about pretty much anything. I can recall full pages of text as a visual image in my head, so that makes me a good tester. But social intelligence? I'm completely inept. I don't know when it's my turn to speak, I don't understand most social cues (although I am getting better, but I'm also getting more and more withdrawn and shy, so it doesn't much matter), and I cannot strike up or maintain relationships with anyone in person. And then there's the newest thing: emotional intelligence. I think I have that one in the bag--I'm deeply compassionate, am very empathetic, am a nurturer, etc., but what use is it if I cannot handle a basic interaction with a cashier without excessive anxiety or a panic attack?

Intelligence is a multifaceted topic, I guess. Intellectual, social, and emotional intelligence are what comprise a whole intellect in a person. So I honestly cannot say if I think I'm more or less intelligent than any other person. I can say this though: in day to day life I find that most people annoy the crap out of me and I think they are almost all morons. Maybe it's not that I'm so smart or think I'm so smart. Maybe I'm just totally average. Maybe everyone else is just dumb.

Also, the idea that the average IQ is 100 is terrifying. It truly is. And if that sounds snotty or snide, so be it.

[StarryNight]

Originally Posted by Shakti

Maybe it's not that I'm so smart or think I'm so smart. Maybe I'm just totally average. Maybe everyone else is just dumb.

Also, the idea that the average IQ is 100 is terrifying. It truly is. And if that sounds snotty or snide, so be it.

Well, you can't be average if "everyone else" is dumb, because statistically most people are average, or it wouldn't be called average! Therefore, you must be above average.

I know what you mean, though. I don't feel very smart sometimes, especially in areas that I have a mental block toward, such as math (I'm a words, literature, art, and philosophy kind of person.) I read ALOT, and the staggering intelligence and expertise that some people put forth makes me feel in awe and inferior. I don't avoid geniuses out of envy, though. I love being able to talk to people smarter than I am- it's a great opportunity to learn! But then I remind myself that the reason these people are published is because they are above average!

This isn't always true, though. Sometimes I find grammatical and spelling errors in text, and then it makes me angry that these proofreaders get jobs and I know more than they do; I just don't have a degree. Also, I feel angry at myself that someone average has published a book and I've done nothing with my life. So, then I think about my intelligence and wonder why I haven't done anything with my life, and I feel inferior. Knowing you're smart does make you place too many expectations on yourself.

Just think, if 100 is average, and I'm 140, that means that there are as many people as I with an IQ of 60! (or is that the mode rather than the mean? I can't remember. See, I told you I have a mental block when it comes to math!) Either way, the fact that 100 is average is truly terrifying!

[Denise26]

Originally Posted by StarryNight

You have said exactly how I feel and think most of the time. I know from a school nurse telling me that I have a 140 IQ, and numerous self-tests since then have confirmed it. I was in honor society all throughout school, and in college, where I got an associate's degree in liberal arts. The problem is, I dropped out and went back 3 times just to get that. I have no focus, and my emotional rollercoaster and avoidance of people and social situations has ruined my life and wasted all of my potential.

So, am I conceited? Sometimes, about my intelligence, yes. The fact that the average IQ is 100 is frightening to me, and dealing with people on a daily basis is frustrating and annoying. The funny thing is, I don't have any social problems when I run into people who think like me and are intelligent enough to have a philosophical conversation with. Then, interaction just naturally flows. But, with 90% of people, I feel like I'm an alien. On one hand, I know I'm smarter than them, but on the other, I feel completely inferior because I'm not "normal." I am very self-conscious about my looks, and I feel like I don't fit anywhere. So, I guess those feelings of inferiority balance out my conceit about my intelligence, so I don't too often come off as being a jerk. I guess I would be considered conceited, if I didn't feel so completely disfunctional.

I seem to have intelligence radar. I can usually tell within 5 minutes of talking to someone whether or not they "get it," and if I can relate to them or not. It's funny; most of the people I've met who are bipolar are "my kind" of people. Most of the people I've heard from in the forums seem really intelligent and insightful. Are insanity and intelligence co-occuring conditions? Does intelligence cause emotional instability? I don't know, but I think more studies should be done on it.

Here it is Sunday afternoon, and I haven't left the house since Thursday (I took Friday off work). The weather is beautiful and I know I should get out, but to where? WalMart? There's nowhere to go and nothing to see, so I trap myself in my own little prison, where I don't have to deal with anyone. Well, tomorrow I have to go back to work, so it's back to trying to function and act "normal."

I call the people that are the same "species" (referring to feeling like an "alien") as us "Purple Pikmen". Its a game on game cube my ex's kids had that had many different groups of alien flowers and each had their group color and specific job function (sort of like old Lemmings on PC).

[VickiesPath]

Shakti:
Intelligence is a multifaceted topic, I guess. Intellectual, social, and emotional intelligence are what comprise a whole intellect in a person.

I can truly identify with what you all have said and this quote is absolutely correct. I once heard the EQ (Emotional Quotient) determines a person's success in life much more accurately than IQ (Intelligence Quotient). If this is true, and it is true for me, then each of us with a mood disorder have one huge strike against us from the get go.

That's why after years and years of meds and therapies, I'm finally focusing on the good things about my illness and making my life a positive experience based upon those.

Originally Posted by StarryNight

... Sometimes I find grammatical and spelling errors in text, and then it makes me angry that these proofreaders get jobs and I know more than they do; I just don't have a degree.

Oh StarryNight, so true, so very true! I laughed when I read this, because it's one of my pet peeves too! At one of my jobs, I helped put together a sizeable catalog. Because it's a bit of an obsession, you can bet the contents were proofed very thoroughly! Then it went to print. Apparently the middleman was either careless or "fixed" things making them into errors(!) The most glaring example was where two pieces of important information were completely reversed. I just about flipped out. Though my name wasn't on it, a LOT of work went into it and boy did that just send me!

Hehe, here's what's getting to me lately... craigslist job postings.

You: walk on water, possess a level of degree higher than what could possibly be needed to do the job to our complete satisfaction.
We: are apparently incapable of writing an ad with proper spelling and without extraneous apostrophes.
Guess they really do need my skills. Too bad I'm "unqualified".
Their loss!

*disclaimer... I obviously use a far more casual and conversational style in posts and emails. But on the job? No. That doesn't fly in my book.

Originally Posted by VickiesPath

I happen to be all three....higher in intelligence, gifted in arts, and bipolar.
Be grateful for the GOOD things about our illness. It makes it easier for us to deal with the crap we have to deal with.

YES. Grateful for the good parts. I have all three too and realize that if my brain weren't wired this way, I'd be very unlikely to make the kind of connections needed to truly create, you know? But it also reminds me of a funny story. One night, feverishly working in the studio (actually, simultaneously working, dancing and singing...kind of like this: ) and suddenly shouted out, "I'M A F****** GENIUS!!!!!" P-doc at the time heard about this and said, "But you didn't really believe it, did you?" Well actually, YES!

[blueoctober]

Originally Posted by VickiesPath

I can truly identify with what you all have said and this quote is absolutely correct. I once heard the EQ (Emotional Quotient) determines a person's success in life much more accurately than IQ (Intelligence Quotient). If this is true, and it is true for me, then each of us with a mood disorder have one huge strike against us from the get go.

I think that someone diagnosed with bipolar disorder can also have high EQ. We aren't in a hypomanic, manic or depressed state at all times. Certainly during those times our coping skills, human interactions etc. aren't where they normally are. I am extremely self aware and highly in tune to others emotions and moods (especially with animals) and I have been that way since I was a child. I just wanted to give another perspective and I hope you don't find it argumentative.

I got this from wikipedia, defined emotional intelligence as being concerned with effectively understanding oneself and others, relating well to people, and adapting to and coping with the immediate surroundings to be more successful in dealing with environmental demands

[sugahorse1]

I just want to add my 2 cents worth - I TOTALLY AGREE!

I am always rushing people along in a conversation (Social environment) especially if they keep repeating things!

My friends are all quite a bit older than me, as I just cannot relate to the way of thinking of people my age. IQ tests have also put my IQ considerably above average. The last psychometric testing at work also confirmed it.
It can be frustrating, and it's hard not to come across as a bit$H at work... I'll get to the stage one day where I can tolerate

I think my EQ is all over the place. I'm great at understanding other people, but when it comes to myself I have NO clue.

[Parks]

My test scores don't register as high as some mentioned-tests have ranged from 129 to 139. I think alot of the variation is mood dependent. Personally blessings related to intelligence were more then offset by negatives from the same thing. Positives included an intense curiosity about all types of things, making life a neverending drive for information and fascination with the world. Being able to see solutions or come up with novel ways to look at something, and adapt to changes quickly.

The negatives from increased intelligence included-developing poor study habits as a result of being to close my eyes and see whole pages of material, as written. A desire to discuss topics that alot of peers had no interest in. A poor tolerance for small talk which was viewed as a waste of time.

Any positives have always been offset by a poor self-image and low self-esteem. Basically a core of insecurity and shame. One other item that stands out is a self-perception as being an oddball and eccentric or wierd.

Speaking only for myself, it seems like in some of the situations when I thought about being more intelligent the major plus or need filled was to overcome feelings of shame, insecurity and alienation. It was a way to compensate for something. This is only my experience.

[Trippin2.0]

I missed a huge chunk of high school b/c I'm allergic to repetition, so I would refuse to attend school during revision (my teachers didn't mind b/c they knew I would return for my favorite part of the year: EXAMS)... Not sure how I passed grade 10 as I was absent for 2 consecutive months and missed an exam session due to depression, but have realized that I actively listen subconsciously and "soak up", so that must have helped me quite a bit.

Parents sent me for an IQ test when I was quite young, as I could read, write and comprehend by age 4.

High expectations from parents and much older siblings have left me scarred, as I did not go and get that degree, and that fancy job, house and car...

You know what upset me about report cards? no matter how effin high my marks were ALL the teachers wrote "Ophelia has the potential to do better, aim higher my girl" and I mean all of them, from my first year, to my last! WTF is up with that? They were never satisfied!

You know what upsets me about my pdoc? as much as I like him... at my last appt, he said "you give yourself way too little credit, you've learned some brilliant coping skills over the years" IT'S CALLED A FACADE YOU DOUCHE! and it's crumbling, that's why I NEED YOU!

Spelling and grammatical errors are a pet peeve of mine, but I've credited that to my love of writing.Not sure if my irritation stems from anything else.

Have quit quite a few jobs b/c I couldn't deal with being more intelligent than my boss, lucky for me now, my sup is a bright guy, with a high IQ So we get along just great.

Always felt emotionally,spiritually,and intellectually superior to my peers, which lead me to find older friends. I didn't act like a biatch about it, rather tried to point them in the right direction, but I don't think this was welcomed very warmly by all. Not a problem, b/c my real friends appreciated my insight and guidance and are still around today.

During hypomania, the slow chugging of their brain cells work on my last nerve, it's like I can hear their brain cells struggling to wind up! And I just can't stand having group projects at work, I prefer to go it alone, as they seem so incompetent then...

I'm not sure where this is going now, my train of thought is messed.
Guess I just wanted to say I relate...

Sorry if my post is nonsensical

[sugahorse1]

Hey Trippin - gee, I wish I could have skipped school for the revision periods too - I think I just switched off mentally too. I listened in class (1st time round) therefore didn't need to study or sit through revision.
I think it may be slightly linked to ADD - no way I could listen 2nd time round or if it wasn't interesting.

I'm a teacher, and I have an IQ well above average. I teach some advanced classes, and I also teach general ed classes of the huddled masses so to speak. I have learned that I am not average. Those kids in my advanced classes are not average either. It is in my general ed classes that I really see the spectrum and range of intelligence levels. I have had to learn patience because what I consider to be so easy just doesn't come easily to the average student.

What I have also found is that those average students generally have much more patience and empathy (that EQ that gets talked about). I think those of us on the upper end of the IQ spectrum struggle at times with EQ; I know I've seen that within myself.

So, yes, I am smarter than most people; it isn't a grandiose perception. I think if I had an inability to be empathetic and patient with other people, however, that could become a type of grandiosity.

[sugahorse1]

Thanks Farmer - I totally agree with your paragraph.
It can be frustrating to feel like things around you are just not moving along quick enough!

[VickiesPath]

EQ vs IQ? I never had a problem being consistently, constantly and reliably intelligent. I ALWAYS have had a problem being consistently, constantly and reliably emotionally stable. Thus, the difference it plays in my life. And guess which one dominates?

[Tatyana2009]

I am not bipolar. I am however gifted (in terms of IQ) and very creative with very high problem solving skills.

I feel what you describe depending on the company I am with. I certainly do not feel I am more clever than everybody. I am very clever but I believe everyone on this planet can teach everyone something. So humility is a virtue that allows you to be open and accept while arrogance and vanity will only restrict your view and wellbeing. I am not meaning to sound condocending. Its just that one thing you said really stood out to me:

It's kind of like the fight or flight response. I am always stuck in fight mode.
This all really sucks for a lot of reasons. Most people think I am a ***** because I never give anyone any credit. I always shoot people down before they have a chance to try anything at all.

I think this is meaningful because you admit that this response comes from an unhealthy place. something like a defence mechanism or a misjudgement of a situation.

There is nothing wrong in being very intelligent - and sometimes getting frustrated that others do not quite follow (it happens to a lot of people) but I think the ADHD plays a role in your lack of patience. And it may restrict YOU from seeing the whole picture and therefore make YOU in a disadvantage.

I hope this makes sense...