How I Feel Today. . . Open to all.

Nah havent looked into getting a new t, as I said cant go through the pain of building up the trust only to be abandoned again... I told her so many secrets about me....

I'm sorry to hear that Denise. Hopefully in the future that will change for you. I'm really sorry your t went somewhere else. Wishing the best for you.

I feel depressed, frustrated, and tired!

Thanks for asking

Ty vj. Sorry you feel that way owen, take the day to sooth yourself in any way that works, even if it means just staying in bed for a day or watching tv and vegging out..

Not feeling as good today as the past two days on Cymbalta. Kind of tired and not as interested in things. Maybe my body's already adapted to it and found a way to block the SSNRI to return me to my usual depressed self. I had insomnia last night. Tried to sleep away the morning, but couldn't. At least I'm not jittery with my muscles twitching and my teeth chattering as I was last night. I think when my morning pill kicks in, I still have some of the previous morning's pill affecting me and that's why I get all shaky inside. Too much of a dose. I wish I had some 30mgs to take twice a day instead of just 60mg in the morning. But I can't complain. At least I'm not depressed or thinking sui thoughts.

owen2110 Sorry you are having such a bad day. I hope tomorrow is better for you.

Denise26 ty! I wish I could just veg or go back to bed, but I have to take care of the kids.

thinker22 sorry you are not feeling so well. Is possible you could take half a pill in the morning and the other half at night? It's a good thing your not depressed, but I hope you get to feeling better soon.

I wish I could do 30mg twice a day, but the pdoc only had samples of 60s and they're specially coated capsules, not tablets, so I can't split them. My mom's going to a psychiatrists' office today to try to get me some of the lower dose samples. She really goes the extra mile for me. My school insurance only covers $1,200 per year and I've used over $900 on a single Geodon refill. So, she gets me samples of Geodon so I won't run out before my state insurance kicks back in. They're at war with each other and I had to choose a side. State pays all Rx's, so I went with them. Aetna paid for my doctors, but I can get new ones through the state. Sucks to start all over, but what can I do. Can't afford my meds. Switchover is Sept 1st, so I'm trying to keep all my meds stocked up to get me through. Thanks for your concern.

Today I feel hungry and a little down. Hoping I feel better soon. :/

Sorry you are down melissa. I hope you feel better soon too.

Really PISSED that I have all this bipolar and OCD ****. I just want to be normal, ****it!.

Lauru: Normal is overrated =P

Today I feel awake. I skipped my meds last night, even the ones to help me sleep because yesterday morning everyone was late getting to where they were supposed to go and I felt like it was my fault because everyone has come to depend on my insomnia to make sure they get up and out on time.

I figured since I will have to stop my meds when they run out (due to finances) anyways that I'd just go ahead and not take them so nobody would be late again. I did enjoy actually sleeping while it lasted though...

thats my main reason for wanting to quit my meds. I almost went to court over how many time my son was late to school last year because my meds keep me from even hearing the alarm. My hubby wont let me NOT take my pills though even when I beg because he knows how I bad it could be. Sending you lots of encouragement!

Ty kade, but if he's making you take the meds shouldn't he be making sure people are up and out on time as well? just imho... I know how bad it could be before I ever started meds but idk how its going to be coming OFF them. I have already been a slight roller coaster of emotions today (a kiddie coaster=p). Wonder if it will get worse?...

Today I feel very weak and tired...but mentally I am doing fine.

um.. yeah just went from what I thought was normal to hypomanic again... as long as it doesnt get like the other day im fine. I became manic for like 3 days I felt seriously like someone had slipped me a mickey. even my vision blurred up (and its still a little blurry). But, every time in the past that I got manic I was on drugs and ended up in jail.. good to know now when it happens i dont HAVE to end up in jail or hospital. Oh yeah.. forgot my point... DONT take excedrin if your even close to hypo because it has caffeine in it (like 2 cups of coffee) that makes it ten times worse. blah... i sure was enjoying being normal for a few hours.

Lauru I understand how you feel. Get tired of dealing with all the ups and downs. Hang in there though, hopefully it will get better.

Denise26 That sucks everyone relies on you to get them up. You need your sleep as much as anyone else. I hate to hear you have to come off your meds. Is there anyway you can assistance?

melissa.recovering sorry your tired, but I'm glad you are feeling ok otherwise.

kadesgirl09 hope your hypomanic episode goes away quickly and you can go back to being normal again.

to all

Today I almost thought I was going to lose it. I woke up with my anxiety level out the roof. My clonepen didn't even help. I felt like I was going crazy. I finally took another one and layed down in bed. Feel a little better now. I just don't know how much longer I can hang in there with my husband gone. I feel like I'm falling to pieces and he is the only real support I have. I'm stressing out and I have know one to lean on right now. I just don't know if I can hold it together for the kids. What do I do? I feel like I'm spiraling downward and can't stop it.

Hang in there VJD. Given enough time any mood will change. I don't know what else to say but sending you big . Maybe call a friend and talk yourself down if the severe anxiety comes back.

First, I'm feeling better than I have in weeks, don't know why but not going to question it.

Denise, I was really sorry to hear you are going to have to go off your meds because of financial reasons. When I was first diagnosed, it was, of all things, in the state mental health system, not the fancy docs when I had gobs of insurance, but in a system that goes by what you make, which at the time was $0. My medications were free (the ones for bipolar).

Since that time in 1995, I've gotten on disability and now have Medicare Part D that pays for my meds ($4 for 3 months worth by mail, and that's ALL my generic meds, not just the bipolar ones. The Seroquel (not a generic yet) is $42 but my pdoc writes the prescription so I will have plenty to last a while without having to pay $42/month). I'm still in the state system, the pdoc is only $8, the nurse is free, and the groups are free (and I have SSDI, and a small parttime job).

So here are two options for you. I hope at least one will help you. Take care. I wish you well.

Z

Hear ya, melissa.recovering! I'm pretty wiped out atm. Going to bed early again (a good trend for me). Though... this morning, I got lost going to the worksite and boy was I freaking (and with much swearing)! Even having GoogleMapped and with a very detailed map! I was soooo mixed up and freaking so badly I didn't even realize I was looking for the wrong cross street! Good grief! Good thing I had a number to call to get directions, because if I hadn't, I'd have lost it altogether!!! (I have *barely* a job, and sure can't afford to lose it!) Much better now, but boy, between the freakout and the long day, I'm exhausted! Mentally fine now though.

Awww, vjdragonfly, you've got us! Hope it starts to go better for you!!!

So depressed today I drank and mistook my seroquel. But I did call a sui hotline. Don't worry I am better now at least I'm not going to do anything rash.

I have had one of my best weeks for a long time. It is possible that I am adjusting to the recent lowering of my seroquel dosage. The higher dosage had been causing me a lot of general anxiety symptoms. My mornings were almost always difficult and I was staying in bed way too long. This week I have been up at 5-6am and that is taking a bit of getting used to. I do feel a bit lethargic in the mornings but that is better than being an anxious mess.

I enjoy watching athletics on TV and this week has been the European Championships. I have enjoyed watching and Great Britain has won a few medals. This has helped my mood and general well being.

I also think that discovering this site has helped me a lot.

Clive

Zooie good to here that you are feeling good. That is so awesome.

Innerzone sorry you had a rough morning. Glad you feel better now. And thanks for the support.

Lauru I hate that you are feeling so down. I'm glad you got help when you needed it. Wish I had some good advice to give you, but the best I can do is send you hugs.

Clivewild great to hear you are having wonderful week. I hope it continues for you.

I am sooo depressed today . I wish I could go somewhere and bawl my eyes out . It so hard to hide how I feel. I keep telling myself I have to be strong for my kids. To make things worse my kids are all excited because today is my birthday. I just want to hide away somewhere. I don't know what I'm going to do if I keep getting worse. I need my husband here. I can't keep my emotions bottled up, but I can't let my kids know I'm a total wreck right now.

Happy birthday. Hope you feel better soon!