[Amazonmom]

Actually I think it's trying to force itself in.

I have been taking my meds regularly, only skipping one day when I had food poisoning a few months ago. Been rockin' a lithium level of 0.65 consistently. Any more lithium and my tremor gets out of control, and I get digestive problems. Bad ones- can't poop 5 times in one work shift!

I am just a loser with no friends and will be that way forever. I am talking with my T about really heavy stuff, the main issues that ended up triggering my bipolar in the first place. Now I feel the depression lapping at my feet like waves at the beach. I get panic attacks for stupid stuff. I get really anxious over dumb stuff. I feel depression sucking me under and I don't know how to stop it.

I just fought off a weird sleep pattern thanks to Lunesta...and now here is the depression. I wonder if the sleep issues were a warning call? Because I was not manic in the least, I was TIRED. Manic me feels GREAT with no sleep. Now my insurance company wants me to use generic Ambien instead of lunesta. I need stuff to keep me asleep, not fall asleep....

[BNLsMOM]

I'm sorry you are feeling the depression again. I don't think you are a loser with no friends. I know we have never met, but I consider you a friend.

The depression is so hard.

I am in a similar situation with my Seroquel. The insurance company wants me to find an alternate.

[gravyyy]

I think if nothing else, you're at least insightful here amazonmom. You can tell things are shifting and that's huge b/c hopefully you can get things to turn around before they get out of control. Reading this, I'm not entirely certain whether you should talk to T because maybe your work there is causing problems (like talking about the things that kicked off your bipolar sx to begin with is causing you to have a flare again), or whether you need a med adjustment, or both. I think you know that something needs to be done.... maybe make an appt to see T and pdoc both or at least call and talk to them. I'm caught in the middle of a horrible depression and I hate for things to get there for anyone.

As far as the Lunesta, is it possible for your doc to do a prior auth. If you've used Ambien before and it wasn't helpful then there's no way they can force you to use it. You may have the highest co-pay for the Lunesta but the insurance company should cover it if you've faailed other treatments.

Good luck dear... I hope you get things turned around but hurray for you for having the insight to know things are getting off balance.

[paulswife1]

FIRST OF ALL YOU ARE NOT A LOSER. YOU ARE ADDRESSING YOUR PROBLEMS AND THAT IS A SIGN OF A PERSON IN CONTROL . A WINNER! I'M SORRY THINGS ARE HARD. AND I SYMPATHIZE WITH YOUR SLEEP ISSUE. MY DOC ONLY PERSCRIBES THE SMALLEST DOES OF RESTIROL. SLEEP IS IMPORTANT TO FUNCTION. I'LL KEEP YOU IN MY PRAYERS

[Amazonmom]

GRRRR. Insurance companies are poopy. What med does your insurance say you should take, BNLSMOM? Seroquel is indicated for mania and depression...and normal brained people take it for sleep when other meds don't work!

I looked closer at the letter from my insurance and it looks like it's only a suggestion that I try generic ambien. For all they know I saw the pretty butterfly in the Lunesta commercial and decided to try it. I did try ambien and it didn't work, not even the CR version. I would love it if Ambien worked because generics cost me 10 bucks, preferred brand 40, and non preferred brands 60. Lunesta is non preferred brand for me.

I should probably tell my PNP next week about the depression. She does my meds and therapy so it would be one stop shopping. But I don't want to be a failure. I don't want her to be disappointed in me. Maybe some extra med to help me through the difficult parts of therapy would be good. I should pick a really expensive med like Abilify and really make my insurance mad LOL.

My daughter got to try out her baby pool today! She loves the water.

[BNLsMOM]

The insurance company did not suggest an alternate,but said that my doc will have to pre-authorize it and they will determine if my need meets their criteria for covering it. It is hard enough to find the right meds without the insurance company messing with it.

Awww, Amazonmom, NOT a loser! NOT AT ALL!!! Boy, do your thought patterns on this sound familiar... (they play in my theatre too...). Depression really messes hard with our sense of reality.
Maybe a med adjustment, like you mentioned or... maybe shelve some of the heavier stuff for awhile. Seems to me that going in full-bore with the really hard stuff only really works when we can handle it. Maybe others disagree, I don't know. But you can always come back to it later, right?
Meanwhile, sending you big

[Amazonmom]

I think if it was just the therapy it would be easier. But something weird happened and reminded me of a very traumatic time in life. I flunked out of grad school due to bipolar and ended up having to work in the registrar's office of the school I flunked out of in 1998. The dean of the school was a nice lady but had some serious interpersonal skill deficits... I saw a paper she wrote last week...and realized she was the head of the American Psychiatric Association 2007-2008! LOL. 90 percent of my job was calming her down about some issue or another...and I was bipolar, she was a renowned psychiatrist! Of course I was undiagnosed but still....

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Awww, Amazonmom, NOT a loser! NOT AT ALL!!! Boy, do your thought patterns on this sound familiar... (they play in my theatre too...). Depression really messes hard with our sense of reality.
Maybe a med adjustment, like you mentioned or... maybe shelve some of the heavier stuff for awhile. Seems to me that going in full-bore with the really hard stuff only really works when we can handle it. Maybe others disagree, I don't know. But you can always come back to it later, right?
Meanwhile, sending you big

[sugahorse1]

hope things will start looking up for you soon. I know how you feel-i'm there too. The tunnel can look so dark and lonely.
Easier said than done, but stressors and triggers really need to take a back seat right now

[Amandas256]

You are so not a loser! You also have a bunch of friends on here. Hang in there, it will get better!