About to hit breakdown with work stress

I've just about had it - an accummulation of stress and incompetencies. Systems not working, people taking the piss out of me and not know when enough is enough. Busy shouting and swearing my head off, being aggressive left right and centre.
either going to get my ***** fired or land up with a nervous break-down.

Realising more and more how the lack of tolerance of stress in BP-ers is a problem.
Just don't know what to do. Hoping the benzo's will help as a slight sedative. Taken 1 Klonopin 0.5mg and will keep going until I fall asleep.

RANT RANT RANT....

Rant all you need, I can relate to your work situation...

Thinking of you

Thanks - think the benzo is kicking in and I'm feeling a bit more mellow and somewhat sedated. Thought I was going to fall asleep just now.

SLEEP if that's what you need!

I'm at work - not an option. But I keep thinking that I actually need a break from this place while the computer systems get over their teething problems. I cannot handle the stress of being let down by systems and having deadlines hanging over my head

Sending strength and lotsa your way

Managed to mellow out a bit, thanks xx

I posted this is another thread, but I think taking a little break is something to consider. I spent months at work prior to being hospitalized and REALLY shouldn't have been there. Learn from my mistake. Take a break even if it's just the rest of the week. Work will always be there and your health is way more important.

Benzos help me a lot at my high stress job. I take one and then wait and if it does not work I take another. Dr. said it was okay. I end up really tired by the end of the day, but it's worth it. Stay strong and stay healthy!
NYCGURL

Thanks guys. My day yesterday went from bad to worse, especially after being asked to run a report at 15 minutes before knock-off. I stayed for 1/2 hour afterwards and my reports were still sitting in the queue - our systems are not working.
So I got a really snotty mail this morning from my senior manager, who's upset that i dashed off without having finished the work.
This is how my new day starts.
i just want to go back home and curl in a ball and be left alone. I think it was unreasonable to ask that of me, then get upset - not my issue if he runs around at work til 1AM - he obviously needs to sort his staff out to help him do the work.

I might be jobless soon

That makes 2 of us.
I've had enough; even if I didn't have my dx, a perfectly healthy person would still succumb to the B***S*** in this place

My manager wants a 2month action plan tomorrow.

I have to plan how to be reliable for the next 2 months or EFF OFF.

Well, she did offer me a separation package, little but at least not nothing, so I'm gonna bow out gracefully...
Busy looking into becoming a permanent-temp, that way I won't be anywhere long, and won't have to disclose my dx.

arg - that's so sad. Trippin, you cannot afford to lose your job, no-one can.
I have the back-up of my boyfriend and can always go join him to sell property. But you need to try stick it out. You've been to hospital, and you feel confident your meds will help. Try and get through the next two months and prove to them you can be functional.
Thinking of you

Thanks but no thanks, you're right, I can't afford to be jobless, what with my dad gone, I'm the breadless breadwinner, and getting fired, is not an option for me...

So I'm gonna be very Christian for a change, and take a leap of faith on this one...

Best of luck for you both job wise - its a scary time to be unemployed (is it ever a good time?) Trippin: good luck with the leap of faith
I will be joining you when my project finishes in Sep or Oct...

I really need to consider a break. It just makes me feel weak when I feel I cannot perform. It like undermines me - I'm not weak, I'm a go-getter. But at the moment I'm just so down and reaching breaking point. And I cannot see the fruits of my efforts.
I'm not the kind of person that can just do a job, I need some kind of satisfaction, I need to achieve

I totally get what you're saying...

why do you feel like that, do you define yourself by your achievements?
We are all more than the sum of our work

You know what - I do think I define myself by my achievements. Ever since school - being able to come with a great report card, or scoring 100% in a test, or being dux of my primary school - these were all things that I could be proud of, and my parents could be proud of me.
I don't want to be a mushroom, kept in the dark. I want to be a rose, that people can see blossom
Blackpup - I'm keen to discuss your viewpoints on this further... I think you may have opened my eyes to something...

Dear Sugahorse,

Ideally, a good boss may want to work with you to help relieve the stress so you can successfully perform your work without going balistic. That's in a perfect world tho, isn't it. I wish you well.

I guess I have spent alot of time with this in therapy. Thinking about what I define myself by: achievements, position, other peoples opinions...
Thinking about it does a couple things, it makes you aware of why you (over!)react to things and allows you to reasses how you see yourself.
If you are going to stop defining yourself by those things, what are you going to define yourself by?
As a christian, I define myself as made in the image of God, valued and loved by him so much that he sacrificed his son, but also as sinful and prone to making mistakes, like all humans... With that on board, all the rest becomes insignificant

Thanks Blackpup - I appreciate your viewpoints and honesty

Zooie -I wish I had a boss who I could bring that message across to. Even my own boyfriend is battling with the concept.
And I think the general consensus is NOT to let your work know, cos 9 times out of 10 it backfires on you

sugahorse and trippin2.0 I wish you the best of luck with your jobs. I can relate to the feeling about not being able to cope with your job anymore. Unfortunately I was not strong enough to continue my job and it has made things more difficult for my family. Being bipolar and working just don't mesh well together.