[nycgurl]

Last night was a bad night for me. Typically when things get bad I go into awful rages. And last night I just did not want to go down that path. So instead I drank and took some pills. Just enough to calm me down. I know it's a dangerous mix. It's my way of being safely self-destructive. Oxymoron I know.
I am a mess. I am barely hanging on. I wish there was an easier way to communicate with the people on here. I have not figured it out yet. Good news...I made it through another day.

[blueoctober]

So sorry you had a bad night nycgurl. We can all take the wrong path and do something that's not healthy for us. At least you have recognized that it's not ideal. What is your support system like? Online support groups can be great, but we all still need face to face interaction. You may even want to look into joining a bp support group where you live. I hope tomorrow brings a better day for you.

[Lauru]

Originally Posted by nycgurl

Last night was a bad night for me. Typically when things get bad I go into awful rages. And last night I just did not want to go down that path. So instead I drank and took some pills. Just enough to calm me down. I know it's a dangerous mix. It's my way of being safely self-destructive. Oxymoron I know.
I am a mess. I am barely hanging on. I wish there was an easier way to communicate with the people on here. I have not figured it out yet. Good news...I made it through another day.

Right there with you. I drank and took some pills today too. Not enough to hurt me. The sadness is deep. Sending you hugs. I hope we both feel better soon.

[WendyAussie]

nycurl, yes it's awful when we're at that space of self medicating. I'm, not going to evangelise but I thought I'd mention I'm an 11 years sober member of AA as well as being Bipolar and having Panic and Anxiety Disorders and PTSD and mild OCD too.

You didn't mention your regular habits with booze and pills so all this that I'm saying might be irrelevant if what you did is a one-off. If it's a one-off definitely speak to your GP or psychiatrist and get some help that way. If it's a regular thing you might like to have a look at AA. I was a big drinker for 18 years from 14 to 32. Having a substance abuse history as well as Mental Illness makes me a Dual Diagnosus - both parts are life threatening and each can lead to death and the two together causes much more risk.

I needed to get sober to get the clarity I needed to realise I had serious mental illness - for some people it's the other way around. And then I could deal with both. Anyway, AA is the best thing that ever happened to me. Just a thought.

[Gus1234U]

Dear nycgirl, i know the pain of loneliness and isolation. what's so terrible is that it starts inside us, and no one outside can actually cure it. oh, it helps to be around understanding people, like taking the drugs and drinking, but the real problem is inside our own heads. until i found some way to be at peace with my own thoughts and feelings, i was never happy for long. that's not to say that you can't get help from other people, you can, if you reach out for it and if you are fortunate enough to find trustworthy helpers. i was that fortunate, that when i made the decision inside myself, that helpers appeared. i believe that is some kind of 'life-lesson', one that the responder from AA found as well, tho s/he didn't actually say so. i hope you will try to come to chats with us, and that you will find empathetic friends. Gus