Bipolar and single?

blueoctober · Jul 16, 2010, 01:45 PM

I have decided that am going to try dating again. I have taken about a 6 month break from it because I found it was triggering my bp AND most importantly I was attracting people that weren't healthy for me.

I was just wondering if anyone else experiences issues with dating? I had started dating too soon after my diagnosis and instead of listening to myself I listened to a p-doc in a group therapy session I belonged to. I know he meant well, but it wasn't the right time for me.

I don't want to live the rest of my life without a partner, nor do I want my diagnosis to dictate "living a small life" for fears I'll be triggered into major depression or hypomania.

Lauru · Jul 16, 2010, 03:43 PM

When I was dating, I was afraid of telling about my bp and ocd. I felt I always had to hide, and consequently, I would not date them for very long. Eventually I found someone I really cared about and I took the plunge and told her. She took it in stride and loves and supports me even if sometimes she doesn't understand. I believe everyone can find true love. A little sappy, I know, but I am romantic at heart.

blueoctober · Jul 16, 2010, 05:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lauru

When I was dating, I was afraid of telling about my bp and ocd. I felt I always had to hide, and consequently, I would not date them for very long. .

Thanks for responding Laurau! I agree it's hard to know when it's the "right" time to tell someone about the diagnosis. My experience has been that I told too soon for my comfort. I value honesty and felt that if I didn't tell right away I was hiding something. I'm now looking at it from a different perspective that it's not necessary to tell about my diagnosis at the beginning of a relationship. Certainly I would tell before we became intimate, but I would wait until I was comfortable.

As far as dating what I also experienced on 2 occasions is the guy I was dating told me about his "crazy ex-girlfriend who MUST have been bipolar". I was like see ya dude!

LivingMiracle · Jul 16, 2010, 07:05 PM

Over a year and three months ago, a guy asked me out. Today we are still together with me having DID, bipolar, and other things. Good thing he is a psych major!

It took me 7 months to finally tell him about DID and bipolar and you know what he said? "I wish you would have told me sooner, but it doesn't matter, I figured it out for myself!" If I could redo some of the relationship I would change when I told him...I would have told him sooner, but not too soon probably around 4-5 months cause we were together every day about the bipolar and even sooner for the DID, since he was so understanding and still is. It clicked that I could have been getting so much more support from him then trying to keep it all in.

Yes, having any issues can make having a relationship a little tougher but IT IS possible by all means. It takes a very special person but they are out there, so don't give up at the last "winner". Mine came and found me.

bridgie · Jul 16, 2010, 09:00 PM

ive found realationships to trigger my bp the last one ended a few months ago after he was a jerk and i was depressed. well he tried to get back together but too bad anyway i feel i may be alone if it does constantly affect relationships i hope you find a good person

NuckingFutz · Jul 16, 2010, 11:14 PM

The last serious relationship I had, the lady had a "type" of woman she liked. They were all appearance related. I fit the mold but she obviously filled in the blanks on the important stuff. She would get surprised when I did not meet her fill in the blanks. She did not really know me. I was diagnosed as bipolar while we dated. I also decided to file for disability...she flew off the handle on that one and broke up with me because she wanted her partner to be her equal and if I was on disability I could not, according to her be an equal while on disability. I have decided to make friends first and date later.

blueoctober · Jul 17, 2010, 02:59 AM

Thank-you LivingMiracle, Bridgie and NuckingFutz for your responses it helps to hear about others experiences. We all deserve a great partner!

sanityseeker · Jul 17, 2010, 02:42 PM

Hi Blue. I am not actively dating or even contemplating dating so I don't have any experiences to contribute. I just wanted to chime in with some encouragement for you to go for it.

I think you will know when the time is right to disclose information about your health issues. Perhaps if you put it in the same context as any other private bit of information you will be able to balance how guarded you need to be.

If you are feeling well enough to date then you must be managing your symptoms well enough for your condition to not bring down the walls on a relationship. Like any other life long condition you manage it.

Maybe ask yourself when would you tell someone you were diabetic. It might be when they offered you some sugar laden raspberry jam. Not so different with BP. Perhaps when a situation arrises that is impacted by your BP symptoms.... offer to take you on a roller coaster ride (EEKSSS!!!) or when you feel particularly closed in or whatever... then might be the time to explain something.

While there is a lot of misinformation out there about BP and people who have BP it is not like having a communicable desease or anything. It is manageable and I think you will know when the time is right to share. I think the more casually it is communcated the better. If you make a big deal of it then he will likely think it is a bigger deal than it is.

Just my two cents. I don't feel ready or even interested in a life partner at the moment. I quite like being on my own since becoming ex-ed. lol.

Happy dating!! You definately deserve a great partner so go get him girl!!

blueoctober · Jul 17, 2010, 02:54 PM

Thanks sanityseeker!

sanityseeker · Jul 17, 2010, 03:24 PM

You are welcome. And keep us posted hey. I love hearing a good dating story. Perhaps I live vicariously. lol.

FeelingHopeful · Jul 17, 2010, 04:02 PM

Thank you everyone for starting this thread. Its really helpful .

blueoctober · Jul 17, 2010, 04:14 PM

FeelingSad I'm glad this has helped you too!

FeelingHopeful · Jul 17, 2010, 11:51 PM

Thank you Blue October!! Someone I really care for I think may struggle with bp and reading this particular thread has been more helpful than you can imagine. Cant thank everyone enough. You guys are the best!

arkangel2 · Aug 07, 2010, 02:51 PM

You are all lucky, if you've found someone who doesn't set off your bipolarity like a bomb.
I'm still grieving after the loss of my girlfriend, after 7 months. However, my heart is placying tricks on me, because she had a way of picking and berating me that would set me off like a cannon.
So I should be happy to be rid of her, right? Not at all. I am scared to death that I'll be alone forever, because who else will put up with me?
Even medicated, that woman could set me off. How discouraging that my bipolarity showed through every time. I'm so sad.

blueoctober · Aug 07, 2010, 04:40 PM

It's natural to feel sad. Anyone bp or not would feel sad and it's also natural to feel a bit scared that you won't find someone else. Sometimes a person can have a selective memory with relationships and only remember the good times. I have dated people that can trigger my bp and it just doesn't work, no matter how great the good times are. I can't be on a relationship roller coaster and I know what I need in a partner is someone that is calm, confident and happy. The whole drama thing I know doesn't work, yes the passion can be great, but you can't only have a relationship based on the sex life.

Anneinside · Aug 07, 2010, 09:35 PM

I stopped dating before I was diagnosed. I tried dating when I was depressed and it just didn't work out. I have been married twice, and the last one was very traumatic for me. I don't really want to open myself to that again. Happily, I am quite content being alone.

owllover99 · Aug 09, 2010, 01:24 PM

Well, I shouldn't be posting here because I'm married now. 1 year. But I was single 9 years. But see I'm in my 50's and sex ain't important anymore. So you start thinking with your head. And living alone is downright nice. And if you want to date, you check the person's head out before you go anywhere so you can have a nice time. And also you know them so you don't get hurt physically. I think dating is great and relationships are wonderful. But for them to be that way you have to do a lot of thinking and be careful. Now I didn't know that at 18 or 35 even. And I have my scars. But if you want to date, go out and have some fun. Just be careful. And don't think that living alone is the end of the world. Cause it's not. Hugs, Owl

sane1logic1 · Aug 09, 2010, 06:34 PM

I love the space & time that singleness and not dating give me ...

blueoctober · Aug 09, 2010, 09:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by owllover99

And don't think that living alone is the end of the world. Cause it's not. Hugs, Owl

Thanks Owl. I have no problem being alone. I'm extremely independent, have a career etc., but for me I prefer to have a partner. I haven't had a serious relationship since I was diagnosed in 2007, but I feel that I'm ready now........I hope when I'm 50 sex is still important that's only 15 years away!

owllover99 · Aug 10, 2010, 08:26 AM

Blue, some people in their 50's sex is important and some it's not. I happen to be in the not category. From the one's I've talked to it's important but not like it is when you're in your 30's. I was a nymph when I was in my 30's. It is also good to have a partner. But anybody bipolar or not has to be careful nowdays. And my experience shows me telling the partner I'm bipolar right off the bat and it shouldn't be an issue. If the person doesn't know about it, educate him/her. I have found that if they use that as an issue it's just an excuse. I want you to be happy and find the right partner. Hugs, Owl.