sometimes its obvious

i was at work today and a coworker came up asked if she could tell me something. i said yes. she said i dont think your depression is under control. i was trying to stay well and even keeled. she is right though. I've been sinking. The mood stabilizer isnt keeping me as even as I had hoped. I didnt want to have to go back on anti depressants. i never have good luck with them and i know the depression will end. It always does. thats the nature of the beast. i asked my coworker if it was that obvious. she said to her it is as she is bipolar as well, maybe not to others but shes been there. having her say something actually was a good thing. i knew deep down i havent been doing well. just didnt want to admit it. cuz if i did i have to deal with it.

bridgie; I'm glad your coworker said something and by the sounds of it it was done in a caring and understanding way. I would much rather that then be spoken about behind my back. I would sugest you speak to your P-doc if you haven't already.

I understand your concern with anti-d's. For some with BP he or she can't tolerate them. SSRI's tend to cause more of an issue for those diagnosed, so if you haven't you may want to try an anti-d like wellbutrin (it's not a SSRI).

I have started using a SAD lamp (my depressions have a seasonal component) and I do notice a difference. I bought the Travelite model. Here is a link to their website: http://www.northernlighttechnologies.ca/home

I was hoping I was at least within the healthy range of ups and downs. But my downs are still too low. I feel it. I hide out, stopped attending my class, sleep trouble, emotional eating ugh, anxiety issues, less talkative,oh and the sighs. They have come on full fledged. I don't know if anyone else sighs when depressed but I tend to a lot. Pretty easy to see I'm not up to par if you know me and I have been worse. Still don't like to admit I need to change some things. So I'm not sure what I'm doing yet. I have an appt with pdoc end of this month. Maybe another week. I should be ok till then. As far as antidepressants I've been through so many I'm not sure what I have left for options. Will find out what pdoc thinks. Go from there.

I'm sorry you're having a hard time. I was there last week, so I really do know. I'm glad you have an understanding co-worker.
I contacted my pdoc to add an anti-dep to my Lamictin and am just waiting for her to get back to me.
I haven't had much luck with anti-deps in the past, but they've also never been in conjunction with my mood-stabiliser, which I've only been on for a few months.
I also know the frustrations when your depression feels terrible right now and you just want help, but you know that in a few days (in my case) the depression will be gone. And it just doesn't seem necessary to be on an anti-dep permanently.

Keep at it - thinking of you.!

Hi bridgie: I've been off anti-d's since I went on Lamictal in July. I've definitely noticed my depressions are coming more often and are deeper than any I had before. For me, that Lamictal has been great to bring the hypomanic to a level that I can cope with, but I know I'm going to need some kind of anti-d soon. Just not Prozac - it made me a mess. Good luck!

Forgive me for copying and pasting a reply to someone else post that I just now finished writing but I thought that it may help clarify the whole anti-depressant issue for you. I cant imagine living with a bipolar dx regardless of how advanced I think my coping mechanisms may be. There have been terrific improvements in the anti-depressant market. If I can help answer questions for you or if you want to discuss what has not worked, please do not hesitate to contact me.
ptk
Actually, Wellbutrin is a norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor as an atypical antidepressant and marketed under the name Zyban as a smoking cessation aid. Wellbutrin is really in a class of its own and not to be confused with SSRIs like Celexa or Prozac. If Prozac made you anxious, you would probably respond very well to Celexa (also marketed as Lexapro) and visa versa. This is because the mode of action related to your particular genetic structure. Celexa, like Wellbutrin, has anti-anxiety properties.
Do not confuse the NRI with the SNRIs such as Cymbalta, Effexor XR and Pristique. These also work on keeping the norepinephrine and serotonin present longer in the brain chemistry.These are also called dual reuptake inhibitors. Unlike the SSRIs, if you respond well to one SNRI, you are likely to do well with each of them which is great news as Cymbalta is currently the most expensive anti-depressant on the market in the US followed by Pristique and then Effexor XR. Effexor (non extended release is available in generic form.
Now here is the exciting news. The NRI (Wellbutrin) is often used as a piggyback drug with your effective SSRI (in your case, again, if prozac wasn't working, you would probably do very well with Celexa) both Celexa and Wellbutrin, anxiety is decreased. Additionally, the addition of Wellbutrin increases the efficacy of the Celexa often negating some of the side effects and making it a more effective anti-depressant. There is no wonder though really. The NRI and SSRI predates the SNRI or dual reuptake inhibitors, exactly what the combination of an NRI and an SSRI becomes at a fraction of the cost!
Don't you just love how the drug companies love to make a buck by combining existing medications whose patents have run out and raising the price to nearly $900 per month for one drug?
Be patient my friend and keep asking questions. It might take some time to find the right combination of meds but it will be well worth it! Anytime I can help, do not hesitate to reach out.
Finally, just to clarify what is often misunderstood, while Lithium Salts were the first effective mood stabilizer, Lamictal is the first mood stabilizer on the market that has the FDA's approval for on-label use as a mood stabilizer in the treatment of bipolar disorder. It is very effective at the optimum dosage of 200 mg. However, it is very important that your doctor start you off at the lowest dosage, 25 mg, and work up to 200 mg over a 5-6 week period. Otherwise you risk responding with a life threatening rash and will never be able to take Lamictal again. If you go off Lamictal and wish to start taking it again, it is necessary to titrate up your dosage once again. Other popular mood stabilizers, although I do not find them to be as effective, are depakote and topamax. Again, these can be used in combination with Lamictal which is also sold in the US under the generic name, Lamotrigine. (Yea, generic,... lower co-pay)
God Speed and Best Wishes,
ptk

It's great that you have someone else that sees and understands your depression. I think that other people with mental illnesses are more receptive and sensitive to eachothers emotional needs. I go to a few support groups and we can usually tell when someone is not right. My problem is that I hide all of my emotions, I bury them inside me. My husband usually has no idea what is happening (because he won't educate himself on bipolar). In the end I end up in the hospital. I take Lamictal and Savella for my depression and they are working well for me. Hope your depression lifts soon.

I'm contemplating the celexa. one of the few i have not tried. done the lexapro and checked on the differences so I'm willing to try. stopped welbutrin last january after a few months on it. I am currently only on lamictal at 450. yes high I realize but it has been helping. just the low is affecting my life again. if adding the celexa doesnt work i am putting the lithium option in the back of my mind. talked about it once before. but i am also going in to check on something for migrains and am going to ask about topamax. maybe get benefits for the bp as well. will see. I'm researching my options the few left. i am also going to ask about using maprotiline for my ad except the ltl research i've dont kinda scares me on that one. lol. *sigh* who knows