[BNLsMOM]

My family is "discussing" me behind my back. Talking about all the things I am not doing to make myself better. How I "should" call my doctor, how I "should" be dieting and exercising.

You know what? I give up. Screw it. Srew them.

[BlackPup]

Everything your fault, that's a bit over the top... I can think of a few things that are not your fault, global warming, war in afganistan, slavery in south east asia etc or are you going to claim responsibility for that?
Everyone makes mistakes, your family does, and sometimes you will, accept that both your family and you are not perfect and forgive them but most important forgive yourself for whatever you do or don't do

Is it your family that's blaming you for things?
My take on things is that they have no clue what your going thru therfore don't take it to heart when they say stupid things that make you feel bad.
Maybe some of their suggestions have merit or maybe they just don't understand, going to the doctor can be good, but also at times there are reasons why it isn't viable. Exercise and diet is a good idea, but its impossible when you are really depressed... :P
Maybe you can tell them how they can help you do some of these things or what they can say and do to help you feel better. It can be really hard to be unable to help someone you love who is suffering...

[sundog]

((((((BNLsMOM)))))

[BNLsMOM]

I suppose saying everything is my fault is an exaggeration. It just seems like they all know what is best for me and what I should be doing. They all offer to help me and when I ask for the help I need, like picking up the kids from school, they tell me that I should be forcing myself to go out there and do it myself. Not helpful. Then I find out today that my mother emailed my husband with her concerns, and my husband called my p-doc and my T without my consent. If the cure to my problems were to just push through, I would be cured already. I have done that a million times.

[BlackPup]

Hope things get better soon... at least with bipolar things get better eventually... its hard but keep on going...
Can you get a med change to make things better?

[FeelingHopeful]

I hope things get better friend! Take care of yourself, You deserve the best!

[Amazonmom]

This is what I hate about "family" centered treatment. It becomes "lets tattle on the patient about things that may or may not be true". I have seen you be very concerned about diet and exercise. Perhaps if they would actually help pick up the kids you could do more shopping for healthy meals and working out.

I am sorry they don't come to you directly with concerns it is disrespectful.

HUGS

BNLsMOM! I won't even say I can relate, because I can't. In reading, it seems it is a pretty common response to the concept of "helping", though. Sorry that probably isn't much help to you atm. So hoping that they will soon be able to realize that your input is totally valuable and necessary in the process(!) I'm assuming that you've pointed this out to them, but perhaps not(???) (I only wonder because it is very hard for me to express what I need just in regular terms, but also because I often don't even know myself!) When someone reads or hears "support", they may think of it one way, while you think of it in another. Probably good to be very specific (it sounds like you have --like the picking up the kids thing) at a moment when that is not the thing you need. Does that make any sense? (Like discussing things at calmer moments as opposed to in the heat of the moment kind of thing? Why yes, I do have a teenager! Lol.) It's nice that they do want to help, but hoping for you that things get more truly helpful as soon as may be...

[lonegael]

I run into the problem that my hubby wants me to excesize, but he also wants me to do more aroundthe house, completely oblivious to the fact that I already spend hours on house work and this is why I don't excersize. HMMMMMM. cause, and effect. I guess they don't do that in the Humanities. He usually disapears out into the forest and doesn't see what i do, so there you go.
Problem is everyone thinks they do more than they do. Right now I am sick, my energy is 0 and I still do the laundry, cook... I have to ask for every extra chore to be done by the guys, and that is a drag. Even when they are willing to do it, they want me to stand there and tell othem how. Again. Do they have a martyr smiley on this thing? they should!
Family centered should be about training the family to take steps to avoid relapses in building up a sustainable system of support for the patient AND a sustainable system of functionen that invlves structure, preditablility, clear communication, and rational schedualing for EVERYBODY in the family. It should not deteriorate into "snitch on the patient". It can feel that way when holding to schedule gets in the way of a mania or a dpression that wants to get going, but even the family can get a slap on the wrist.

It's hard for family to understand how hard it is to work against the urge to isolate or to motivate against depression. Maybe you all need to sit down and you need too ask them to let you explain yourself without them interrupting until you are done, and then give them the same coutesy in turn. Better that than the behing the back business. what do you think? HUGGGSSSS.

[Trippin2.0]

[wing]

I believe my family discusses things behind my back (though I don't know for sure). I assume, though, it is because they care. It is hard to know what to do to help. It is also hard for others to understand the lack of motivation and other symptoms that go along with BP. I would take my husband to my next therapy session and calmly explain what the family is doing that is not helpful. That way, everyone would have more specific guidelines as to what their role is.

[BNLsMOM]

I talked to my t today and we may try hypnosis on Friday to see if we can start changing some of my patterns. As for right now, I am going to take a nap before my son wakes up.

[BlackPup]

Originally Posted by lonegael

I have to ask for every extra chore to be done by the guys, and that is a drag. Even when they are willing to do it, they want me to stand there and tell othem how. Again.

I totally get you on this.... I ask hubby to do dinner and end up doing half of it myself (at least) and showing him the rest, then he thinks that he cooked dinner!!!!
It makes me scream when he asks for the 50 billionth time, how do I do that? You just do it!!!
He is getting better now that I am leaving him on his own for weeks at a time!

[lonegael]

BNLsMOM, have a good nap, sounds like a good idea. I'm coughing so hard I can't lie down to sleep, so even right now, I envy you.

At some point, all our families are going to talk about us. we are like the thing to talk about when there is nothing good on TV. we make them feel functional and sane we FORCE them to be functional and sane, at times. Sure they talk about us. I talk about my folks too; R who bounces off of everything that doesn't screech and run away; G who simply watches all this and says, "Wow, we are so phat normal!" T. who has a panic attack over dropping a pot lid and hyperventilates as G sits and says dryly, "Got enough air there? It's OK, you didn't kill it, I saw it walk away."
Yeah they piss me off when they get all condescending and Nurse Ratchety on me. It goes in waves. I think when you and yours live with this a bit, it will clam down for them too. right now, I imagine that it is still rather frightening. Sleep well, hon. HUGGGGGGGSSSSSS!

[ladyjrnlist]

My hubby tells me to calm down all the time. Even when I'm justifiably pissed off at something. He's afraid I'm always about to go off the deep end. Since I did do that once, I try to give him some slack. It still bugs me though.