[BNLsMOM]

All they are doing is making me fat. I am not getting better. I have been in the hospital 5 times since starting meds. I had never been in the hospital before, although I can think of at least two times where I might have benefitted.

I feel like the meds are just pumping poison into me. I am tired of it. I have had enough. I am hoping I have the courage to discuss this with my p-doc the next time I go.

[Amazonmom]

You do have a point there. If the meds make you fat (not healthy) and you end up in the hospital more often what is the benefit of the meds? Maybe another thing to do is dump all the current meds and start completely from scratch.

You deserve to be happy and healthy!

[BNLsMOM]

The biggest trouble is that my husband said that if I purposely went off meds, he would leave me and take the kids. I would have to convince him that it was the p-doc's idea.

[venusss]

If they are making you worse, there is no point in making yourself worse.

There ARE alternatives, you just have to be open to think outside of the mainstream.

Hopefully you p-doc is helpful with this.

[venusss]

Originally Posted by BNLsMOM

The biggest trouble is that my husband said that if I purposely went off meds, he would leave me and take the kids. I would have to convince him that it was the p-doc's idea.

That is manipulative.

[BNLsMOM]

Originally Posted by VenusHalley

That is manipulative.

Which is manipulative, that he would leave, or that I would have to convince him it is p-doc's idea?

We discussed our bottom line deal breakers with each other in marriage counseling and that was his deal breaker.

[venusss]

Originally Posted by BNLsMOM

Which is manipulative, that he would leave, or that I would have to convince him it is p-doc's idea?

We discussed our bottom line deal breakers with each other in marriage counseling and that was his deal breaker.

That he wants to make decisions for you. He has no right to do so.

[Yoda]

It sounds like you need different meds. It took me about seven years before we finally found a mix of drugs that works well for me.

I gained a hundred pounds when I was taking Depakote. Ugghh. I blame my doctor for keeping me on it so long.

[BNLsMOM]

Originally Posted by Yoda

It sounds like you need different meds. It took me about seven years before we finally found a mix of drugs that works well for me.

I gained a hundred pounds when I was taking Depakote. Ugghh. I blame my doctor for keeping me on it so long.

I have gained nearly 50lbs. As far as meds go, I have tried, Topamax, Trileptal, Lamictal, Lithium, and now Depakote. I have tried different doses of Prozac, and had a short time where I tried Celexa. I have tried Abilify twice with bad results, and Seroquel. I am sick of side effects, sedation and weight gain. I have also tried Trazodone, Ativan and Klonopin.

[Yoda]

I have been on all of those at different times plus a few others. It was maddening. I feel your pain.

[BNLsMOM]

It's a vicious circle. Meds make me fat, Fat makes me embarrassed, so I isolate. Isolation makes me bored, so I eat too much, which makes me fatter. I have no energy to exercise between getting fat and feeling depressed and sedated, and I am ambarrassed to go to the gym. These all lead to self loathing and I end up in an episode, wanting to SI and then I end up in the hospital.

[kitty004567]

((BNLsMOM)) Can you go for a walk with your kids every day? Being outside in the sunshine is technically a treatment for minor depression in and of itself. Also it would give you a little exercise. Perhaps being with your kids would give you the motivation.

As for the meds, it sounds like it's time to start all over. Fortunately (and unfortunately) there are hundreds of medications used to treat bipolar disorder. I'd discuss the vicious cycle you've been going through and see if you can put your heads together and come up with a way to break it. Medication and lifestyle changes maybe? Like adding something you like to do once a week (yoga, an art class etc.) so that you don't completely isolate.

[BNLsMOM]

Originally Posted by kitty004567

((BNLsMOM)) Can you go for a walk with your kids every day? Being outside in the sunshine is technically a treatment for minor depression in and of itself. Also it would give you a little exercise. Perhaps being with your kids would give you the motivation.

As for the meds, it sounds like it's time to start all over. Fortunately (and unfortunately) there are hundreds of medications used to treat bipolar disorder. I'd discuss the vicious cycle you've been going through and see if you can put your heads together and come up with a way to break it. Medication and lifestyle changes maybe? Like adding something you like to do once a week (yoga, an art class etc.) so that you don't completely isolate.

Sometimes I can go out for a walk with the kids. For the last few days the weather has been awful so we have been stuck in the house. I am too embarrassed to go to a class at the Y until I lose some weight. I know it is silly, but I just don't feel comfortable in my body, and I don't want other people seeing is jiggling around. I do have some equipment at home, so maybe I will try to set aside a few minutes every day to use it.

[kitty004567]

It's not silly. But I'm glad you came up with an alternative plan. Even just a little exercise releases those happy endorphins.

[Amazonmom]

Hmm...then it looks like your option is to change the meds instead. Oh no do not let hubby think it was the pdocs idea because if he found out about that...

Looks like adding more exercise is a good choice. Don't want anything bad happening to my friend!

[BlackPup]

so with you on the weight gain... it took a long time for me to get a good meds balance, I'm still struggling a little with weight due to the Lithium but with effort I can stay not to big. I really think you need to discuss a med change. Every doctors appt when I was playing with meds would be about side effects then how well it was working. So if you are having severe side effects then I would suggest a change. Abilify and Zylis are both weight neutral antipsychotics with great mood stabilising effects, Lamotrigine is an anticonvulsant with mood stabilising and antidepressant effects. Alternatively he may be able to prescribe something to keep your weight down...
All the best for the doctors..

[SunnyD]

What has happened when you went off your meds before? It sounds like there is some history that your husband has had with you before.
I know you are fed up but they are the only game in town. I trust you will let your pdoc in on this...for your own well being if nothing else.

[sugahorse1]

I'm sorry you are in such a predicament. I kind of agree with you - I don't like putting stuff into my body unless I can see positive improvements. You need to convince your hubby that this is something you'd like to try. Ask him for 2 months. If you are really unstable in that time, agree to go back on the meds

[lonegael]

BNLsMOM, how much of ending up in the hospital is because youare actually feeling worse, and how much of it is because you and your hubby are recognizing what is happening and are getting you in before you really hurt yourself nowdays? It can go both ways? I was never hospitalized, but I can tell you there have been plenty of times when I sure as h--- should have been in a straight jacket! All the hush hush did not help me at all.
I know i am being really harsh and straight forward, but I recognize your frustration and your anger. I am totally with you about the weight gain. I was finally switch over from lithium to something else (topamax) and the weight gain stopped. Some doctors don't realize the damage the weight gain does to mood and body and they should be, in this day and age. Please try to talk to them and work this out some other way. I don't hink that going off all meds is really going to help you, when I remember your earlier posts, dear. Remember, this disorder can also play havok with how we remember our episodes. HUGGGGGGGGGGSSSSSSSS and my best wishes and hopes for a good mom and a fighter.

[wing]

I totally agree that weight gain is a major part of non-compliance. I flat out refused to take any that put weight on me, and voila!! Here I am on different meds, coping well with a good diet and exercise. It's fundamental that weight loss=exercise+reduced calories, though. Even after my med change I had to get over the embarrassment and get my butt to the gym. You know what? Lots of people were just as big as I was. You can do it, too, BNL. Exercise is the key to breaking the cycle you mentioned above. After a med change, that is.

[BNLsMOM]

Originally Posted by SunnyD

What has happened when you went off your meds before? It sounds like there is some history that your husband has had with you before.
I know you are fed up but they are the only game in town. I trust you will let your pdoc in on this...for your own well being if nothing else.

I have never gone off meds before. I have had countless med changes and tweaks over the past two years, since I started treatment.

[BNLsMOM]

Originally Posted by lonegael

BNLsMOM, how much of ending up in the hospital is because youare actually feeling worse, and how much of it is because you and your hubby are recognizing what is happening and are getting you in before you really hurt yourself nowdays? It can go both ways? I was never hospitalized, but I can tell you there have been plenty of times when I sure as h--- should have been in a straight jacket! All the hush hush did not help me at all.
I know i am being really harsh and straight forward, but I recognize your frustration and your anger. I am totally with you about the weight gain. I was finally switch over from lithium to something else (topamax) and the weight gain stopped. Some doctors don't realize the damage the weight gain does to mood and body and they should be, in this day and age. Please try to talk to them and work this out some other way. I don't hink that going off all meds is really going to help you, when I remember your earlier posts, dear. Remember, this disorder can also play havok with how we remember our episodes. HUGGGGGGGGGGSSSSSSSS and my best wishes and hopes for a good mom and a fighter.

Good question... The first and second times I went into the hospital were absolutely med related. The first was a reaction to Topamax that had me feeling suicidal, the second was due to my doctor raising me up on Klonopin, but I was having an opposite reactions to it and it was making me more and more anxious. The third time was a combo of med and learning from the past so I recognized signs before I was in dire straits. The fourth one was because I left too early from the third and just wasn't ready to re-enter the world. This most recent time was kind of a blindside for me, because I was doing OK and then suddenly I wasn't.

[cybermember]

BNLsMOM, I read your list of meds and you haven't tried Geodon, so there are still some alternatives. I'm not saying Geodon is a magic bullet, but it's still worth a try. For me, there are a couple of side affects, but weight gain isn't one of them.

[lonegael]

OK, so three was a mix and four and five might be med unrelated so it sounds like somewhere between 50% - 65% of the visits. I wouldn't have been hospitalized had i lived at home at all if I know my folks (I don't know what they would have done, put me in the dog house?) but I came close because of a bad med response and have been very sick from meds afterwards. They are heavy duty stuff. No doubt about it. In both cases of the coming close it was because of a bad AD response.
Please before you stop altogether you need to talk very seriously to your pdoc about your experiencs and don't let him or her slid out of answering your questions and answering your concerns seriously. You have a lot of sensitivities and seem to hit almost all the side effects. DO you perhaps need to be sent on to a specialist in bipolar if one exists that your insurance wil cover? Or visit a research institution that has more cutting edge info on what is out there?
HUGGGGGGSSSSSSS. It does seem like you are having a harder time than a person should. Instead of throwing over all the meds, see what another road might do to help.

[Jane999]

Originally Posted by BNLsMOM

It's a vicious circle. Meds make me fat, Fat makes me embarrassed, so I isolate. Isolation makes me bored, so I eat too much, which makes me fatter. I have no energy to exercise between getting fat and feeling depressed and sedated, and I am ambarrassed to go to the gym. These all lead to self loathing and I end up in an episode, wanting to SI and then I end up in the hospital.

Meds are not always the answer. Sometimes, some folks simply will not benefit from them. Then the answer is not to keep trying, over and over again, that which you already know does not work, but to do something different.

The situation with your husband and kids makes it more complicated. In the past I've had to deal with relatives that told me, quite upfront, that they were not interested in having me come by if I was medication 'noncompliant'.

But I felt the same as you, didn't like the weight gain, and the other drug side effects, rather than make my life better, they only made it worse. So I went without seeing those family members when I discontinued meds. I felt a lot of better. I was a little more alone in the world, but I felt better as soon as those drugs were out of me and because I was being true to myself. As my body lost all that weight and I maintained stability, I knew I had done the right thing.

I wish I had some advice to deal with your husband. I really didn't like hearing about how he manipulated you and is basically holding your marriage, your relationship to your children and your domestic piece of mind hostage to his will and your suffering. Let him try the meds if he thinks so highly of them.

If you are going to go off them, bear in mind that discontinuation frequently causes withdrawal psychosis. This is not bipolar 'coming back' it's the effect of your brain trying to function again without drugs and trying to compensate or in some cases, over-compensate, for drugs that aren't in your system anymore. Rebound psychosis is manageable and does not mean you are having a relapse. The drugs themselves cause mental illness symptoms when you detox from them. It passes. I went off lithium myself cold turkey (no one ever told me it was potentially dangerous) and I had no problems and felt much much better and never regretted it.

May I recommend:
http://theicarusproject.net/HarmRedu...gOffPsychDrugs