Jumble

Such a jumble, really don't know where to begin. Hope any of this makes sense... Will try to take it one thing at a time, though so much is intertwined...

Might as well start with this morning. Paranoia. Woke up and mind started in a mile a minute with anxiety over everything (ok, that part is very common...). This proceeded to paranoia, or something very close. Over something I'd said, suddenly sooo wish I hadn't, sure the neighbors might have heard, among other things, like being bugged (like..."maybe! and what if?! and my phone! My computer!) and that the world would unravel. Damage control! Damage control! Stat! There was (TG!) a small voice that was trying to tell me to stop it. To which the other part responded, "Yeah, but what if???!!!" And all this over -- well, the something was somewhat, but not all that justifiable to freak over!!! So ???? (TG, again I say TG, for the alprazolam. It may not be for this, but at least it allowed me to mellow the heck out enough to get a grip.)

I have a psych appt. in less than a week. This subject has come up before, but recollection could only bring up one time when it definitely crossed the line. (I do get paranoid -- in the common sense, not clinical) about posting (and yes, I can hear you all laughing... ) for spells (the ones about my issues anyway...)...um, among other things. Paranoia is not so much one of my "things". But lately, sometimes when driving that other drivers really are out to get me... If I had to answer the "do you feel everyone is out to get you?" question lately, the answer would be, "yes. Not all, but a bunch", but maybe that is based in the fear that if one more big thing goes wrong, it will send me over the edge. So I need to be on my guard (overguard?). So maybe that is just normal in a sense(???)

And so speaking of the appt.... I've not been doing very well lately. Seeming pretty "together" and presenting well, interspersed with near-breakdowns and increased problematic things (anxiety, rage, paranoia). This is not my usual pattern. It's more... jumbly. Last month's appt. (right after the ****hit the fan, as it happened), she wanted to increase my main med. I said no, let me just try to ride it out. Soooooo, what do you suppose this appt will bring? Thing is, I don't think increasing it (Lamictal from 300 to 400) will help. But! What? Add something? I'm freaked out about that too.... is this a good time to experiment??? So much of all this is (unlike many of my episodes) situationally triggered. Serious potentially life-ruining issues over which we are basically helpless all wrapped up in intense caring, emotion and fear. What I really want is to be clubbed over the head and woken up to find the best possible outcome. But will the pharmacist fill that prescription? I will be inquiring about more/else for the anxiety (stronger and/or longer lasting), though. For sure.

What is this post about? No idea. But if you managed to muddle through it, and have any thoughts, please share!

(And yes, having a hard time hitting the submit thread button...)

Gosh you poor thing! has there been anything unusual going on(anything else unusual I mean) or are these swings more seasonal? It sounds like you are really getting put throught the wringer. HUGGGS and hang in there.

((innerzone)) breathe! slowly and deeply. I understand they paranoia I've been there: I don't have any magic tricks for it though. Just to remember to breathe and that should the worst case scenario happen I will deal with it at that time.

I think I'd talk to your doctor about feeling more "jumbly" who knows perhaps increasing or changing your anxiety medications will help sort out some of the mess so you can figure out what else is going on. I understand feeling like unstable times are a bad time to mess with medications; I feel the same way. Then I asked myself if I was stable would I want to mess with them? The answer was a resounding no. If things are working leave them alone and if they aren't, then perhaps it's time to change them.

Thats my two cents worth. I hope it was at least somewhat helpful. Oh, and I don't think the pharmacist will club you over the head...sorry.

((((((((Innerzone)))))))))) I wish I had some wise words. But I just wanted to say that I read this and I'm thinking of you. I get freaked out when it comes to adjusting my meds too. And, as you say, this is a really difficult time for you situationally, so the last thing you need is to add to that worry with med changes. If you could get some extra help with the anxiety though, that would be worth a lot (and would also make any potential med increases easier, I guess?)

I'm so sorry everything is so incredibly stressful right now. I'm keeping everything crossed for you that it will all work out I hope your psych appointment goes as well as possible and that you can get some additional help with the anxiety Wishing you all the very best!! (((((((((Innerzone))))))))))

Thanks, lonegael -- VERY much a YES in terms of unusual things. Exceptionally unusual and extremely stressful things. If I actually went into detail, you might pass out. (So will spare you! ) Seasonal? Not so much. "Wringer"? Good word for it.
Dang!
Yes. At the last appointment, she said we should work on some stress management strategies (and in addition to med stuff, as you mention). I agreed. I edited in to this post about potentially stronger and/or longer lasting anxiety meds, so any feedback on that would be much appreciated as well. (And thanks to sugahorse for responding to that question in an earlier thread. )

(Just as a sidenote...techniques are good, and I will try some, but, it's going to take more than that for me. I'll need to use them in conjunction with meds. From reading in other folk's threads about non-med stuff, I know that some are able to have success with them alone, but I'm not one of them. I'm glad it works that way for others though. I've also tried natural remedies to absolutely no avail.)

Med changes can be scary, but when you really are in a 'jumble' I figure things can only get better. I'm sorry you're feeling all over the place; i can relate to that. And it's hard work to have to just ride it out. But you know you are strong enough to do it - I promise x

(((((Thinking of you IZ)))))

I'm with you about needing meds. Even though my meds don't work as well as I would like them to, I know from direct experience that going the med-free, all natural route always leaves me in a much worse place. I wish the natural techniques alone were enough, but they aren't enough for me either. I do think they can work really well with meds though. It's great you're going to work on some of those techniques with your T. Good luck!