[LondonGirl87]

I'm gonna summarize this, because it's actually pretty long.
I moved to a new country, the first 2 weeks, with a combination of meds, legal and illegal, I was completely high off my face.. Now because I am usually extremely low, being 'high' to me, is like, being 'normal' to a lot of people.

So I socialised, I made the effort to meet new people, make friends, try to fit in, etc etc etc

One of these people is an old family friend I havent seen in about 6 years, 6 years ago we were barely on a aquaintance level, but now, being 'expats' in this enviroment, he calls all the time, wants to hang out, I'm even worried he might like me.

I postponed and postponed and now I just dont pick up the phone.

This is rude.

WHY?

Because now, I am that low again. I spend anytime i dont have to work in bed, reading a book a day when i can concentrate on that, idealising suicide, hating everything, not speaking to people for days. My depression is clinical yes, but my current situation is pretty EPIC and messed up, its actually the stuff of movies. I am desperate, and I am alone in this.

Here's my question... The person he met wasn't really me. If I opened up to him about depression maybe, maybe, maybe, he might be sympathetic, if I open up to him about the other factors, the situation, he will NOT. No one does, I've tried using the common (a friend of a friend) thing anonymously lots of times with random people. They all think it's pretty hopeless. They are right.

So in a way. Yes i'm lonely. But i am not able to be a reliable friend to anyone at the moment. I am not able to even be a reliable adult who takes care of themselves.

But he keeps calling.

A simple vague excuse with a hint of truth could backfire...
Plus if he tells people, other mutual friends... That will be horrible for me.
I don't know what to say.

[blueoctober]

Welcome LondonGirl87. Deciding to disclose your diagnosis is a very personal decision. I have made the choice to be open about my diagnosis in my personal and professional life, but it's something that once you have done it you can't take it back. This is not to say that you shouldn't disclose I just think it's something a person should think about.

We all do need support and I don't think it's necessary for you to disclose your diagnosis to reach out for help. A simple I'm not doing well and could use a friend is enough. It could be as simple as just asking to go for a walk, to a movie or for a coffee.

I hope you find this site supportive.

[Trippin2.0]

LondonGirl87

I think that Blue is right regarding disclosure, maybe you can be honest with him about how you feel, without telling the entire truth for now?

Then once you've gotten to know him better, who knows?

I sure do hope you feel better soon♥

[sugahorse1]

We're here to offer support; to take away the lonliness as much as possible.
It sure can't be easy having just moved to a new country - that in itself is a HUGE stressor

Do you see a pdoc who can help prescribe you meds to cope; even if it is just temp while you go through this terrible time.
Disclosing is a very personal thing - I've done so very selectively. I've told my boyfriend, because it does affect our relationship. If you want to get together with this guy, it will eventually be imperative for him to know every detail of your life.
We're here for you to bounce any ideas.
((HUGS))

[owllover99]

I never told someone casual I was bipolar, but a real friend I would. A real friend would not "spread the word" if I did not want him to. I guess it's a matter of trust.
I would feel him out big time. Just because he's chasing you doesn't mean a thing.
Go slowly.

[LondonGirl87]

Thank you so much for your kind words.
I'm not completely in the closet-i have a few friends who know, they are abroad, well considering my move they are, and I can call them, to talk when I'm really on the brink of hell. But physically, I feel soo lonely.

Owllover - spot on. At this point, this guy, is not a close friend. If he was he wont invite me to parties, which seem more like dates sometimes... Parites are a huge stressor for me, not because I am shy, but because I feel like i spend hours acting like someone I'm not, which makes me feel worse once I get home.

I don't know if maybe we could be good friends in the future, but it won't happen at a party, and so I don't even know if he's the type to get this even if i tried. I was out with him listening to a female friend of his complaining about how depressed she was cos one of her three boyfriends hadn't called yet... I just felt like.. Not rage. But disconnect.

The move has been a stressor. My roommates aren't nice. I'm looking again I am not happy. So I know I need someone, but I also know I need to stay under my duvet to be safe from myself. I feel like i only actually feel worse, when I'm out there, and have people to compare myself with...

Blueoctober + Trippin - you're right, about maybe just a I'm feeling low. Yet even just saying that, expects me to feel better tomorrow or the next. And I don't know if i will feel better.

Sugarhorse - I moved to italy. The mental health system - well. Let's just say I'm still looking, and scared the second I run out of meds I'll be totally messed up.

THANK you, i am defineltly going to spend more time here. I wander if we can search for members by location...could be useful. xx

[sugahorse1]

@ London - Hey, I'm from South Africa and feeling my way through our mental health system. Government health support is NOT an option, and private practice is expensive. I'm also battling to find a pdoc that I really get on with, and am starting to run out of ideas. I'm sure you'll be able to find some sort of assistance in Italy. maybe post on the General Mental Health board asking for members from Italy; then you can swap advice as to how to tackle the system most effectively.

I think you'll benefit a LOT from checking in with us, and finding support here. A new country can be VERY daunting. But please put yourself and your health first. You need to find a pdoc and T as a matter of urgency.

HUGS xxx

[Skully]

I chose to disclose mainly because I am very stable and it shows people that even though you have a mental illness, you can still be a normal everyday person in society. I have had people tell me, "wow, I can't believe you are bipolar, are you sure?" lol. Oh yeah, I am positive!

[sugahorse1]

I've disclosed to close friends and my boyfriend. My parents dont know - they'd panic too much, and faff over me.
I told my colleague, as she needs to be aware of me having some days where I just will not be able to really do my job

[Trippin2.0]

I'm pretty open about my dx as I feel it's a huge part of what makes me ME, and this has helped me alot with acceptance and adaptation...
I'm comfortable saying "hey I'm bipolar" if people can't deal, then that's their problem, they're robbing themselves of a pretty awesome friend
However, I DO understand how daunting it can be...

hugs XOXO

[sugahorse1]

There are situations where I feel it's not in our best interest to disclose, as there is unfortunately still a major stigma attached

[LondonGirl87]

You are all so nice, its great to come back here and read about the experiences of others.

Sugarhorse - that's great advice thanks! Ironically a friend of mine moved to south africa for treatment- was a special clinic though, but i think italy is similar in that sense.
I don't want to over simply things, but I tried to speak to a doctor and got a ''but what's actually wrong.. are you fighting with your boyfriend?"

Skully - That sounds so brave, I felt closer to that when I discolosed to my friends back home. Not perfectly stable, but trusted the knew me enough to know when I was me, and not me. Unfortunately, its so new here.

Sugarhorse - ''she needs to be aware of me having some days where I just will not be able to really do my job'' i love it. I need to be able to do that! Not just work wise, but won't it be great if people just listened to something as simple as.. Today pretend Im not here and left you alone.

Trippin - Youre so right, and I admire you're security in yourself to be able to do that. I wish people understood or cared to know more. The stigma here is huuge, just listening to conversations others have had around me, not knowing about my own problem scares me. I dont want to be ostracized or called mad you know.

Thanks again for reading and taking the time. x

[sugahorse1]

@ London - there's a clinic about 2 hours away from me, where I was supposed to go inpatient for a month - Riverview. I just couldn't handle the thought of being away for a month, plus could never afford it financially, and I'd have to get a new pdoc and T that the clinic provided.

The doctor that you went to sounds like an idiot - sorry. Can you maybe get your medical records from your previous doc to collaborate your dx? And show that to him. Sometimes a GP (Normal medical doctor) is a good starting point to get onto the right path and they can refer you to a pdoc. It's not going to be easy, and you're going to have to be patient; but we're here for you and are more than willing to offer support :-)

[BlackPup]

I'm very open about my BP. coz then its on my terms not people talking about me or finding out from other people. Also it hurts less if someone you are not close to rejects you rather than waiting till they get close and risking it.

I hope you can get the support you need in your new country. We are here for you in whatever ways we can be...

[sane1logic1]

People can accept us as us to whatever extent they choose, we needn't explain what makes us us.

You are finding the move to the new environment has sapped your energy for the time being and that doesn't mean you have to tell anyone one of the factors involved is how to adapt your health care.

Another thing - you don't have to behave as lively there as you used to in your home country. It's up to others to have flexible expectations as to our chosen style.

If it's for work you moved, save your energy for your work which is what you moved for.

If people are going to insist on creating destructive gossip about us we are not going to solve any problems by going into contortions or trying to manipulate them.

To ourself be true, and keep it simple.

[kitty004567]

I don't really have anything groundbreaking to add... I've been following this thread though and just wanted to say good luck!

[BlackPup]

I'm sure its been said but you can always say it but you can't unsay it... you don't have to make a decision today.
And yes it is ok, you can still be a great person and have BP, look at all of us It gives you extra challenges but you can have a great life.

[Vita]

Difficult.
If it causes problem with work and socially, it is better to be open.
I would and did not realise, and worked hard, but successfully, to cope.
Nothing of the disorder has been apparent to others. Nothing to explain.
Now, i am on mood stabilizer, appear the same, but have so much more energy, Why bother. I have told a few, but it did not matter.
Besides now I do not feel bipolar anymore.
That is a good option