[donut]

I have been having a tough time recently. I have become very depressed and was carefully prescribed an SSRi. After three days of taking it my depression became much worse and I became really angry and inwardly volatile. I had thoughts of harming myself and had vengeful thoughts about others...very unpleasant and completely out of character.

I have managed to remain at work (just) but have found it hard to remain appropriate. I tend to say things I don't mean when unwell.

I had to write an email to a manager of mine which I cc'd to my other manager. This was concerning something I was working on. I was careful how I worded it but up front and honest. I got a very curt email back that had bits written in capital, clearly shouting at me. I emailed back quickly and apologised for the upset, though I could not see what the problem was. Because I was feeling unwell I took it as read that I was the one at fault.

The manager I cc'd it to could see absolutely nothing wrong with the email. It became clear that the other manager was feeling bad about mistakes made and lashed out at me. Anyway I had a meeting with her and apologised once again for upsetting her, though there was clearly nothing to apologise for. Her response was "I wonder why you always say things without thinking?" I pointed out that I had never before done any such thing.

I really wish I had never disclosed about my illness to her. I was forced into it by my second manager. I get the distinct feeling she will use it against me at any opportunity. A) because she allowed me to apologise without taking any of the responsibility herself and B) Because she made a quip about me always talking out of turn which is absolutely not the case. In fact I amm the only one never to have had a complaint. It sucks. I will be very careful around her in future.

I simply cannot respect anyone who dose not take any responsibility for their own mistakes.

[bpd2]

I hate it that some people take others' mental health issues as a green light to devalue what a person says. Can you talk to the manager who suggested/required the disclosure for a reality check about what was said in your meeting with the other manager, and about the appropriateness of that manager's shouting in email? We all know caps are shouts. And if a person is that upset, it is incumbent upon them to ask for a meeting, not to let the topics become an issue in the job.

I am so sorry this happened. It happened to me, too. Lots of scars from it.

[ladyjrnlist]

Make it a rule never to apologize unless you truly, truly have said something horrible or hurt somebody. I have learned that and I get more respect, believe it or not. Some people take apologizing as a weakness. You have nothing to be sorry for, frankly. And if she keeps making you feel as if she is treating you differently because of your illness, tell her. If that doesn't work, go to the higher bosses. Also., email is trouble for us bipolars. I've sent more than one email I regretted. Try to talk in person instead. Hope this helps.

[donut]

Thank you BP2 and Lady

I think the best thing to do is just be very careful around her. I get the sense that this manager does not like me much. I do have a tendency to be very upfront and honest. I always try very hard to word things so they are not rude. I often but them in draft and go back and have a look at them later. I prefer absolute honesty myself and always try to afford others the same courtesy. I also work in a very different way to the way she is used to in the public sector. I work for both a charity and the public sector. I am used to working much more creatively.

It is really hard always watching ones back though. I wish it wasn't so. You would think in this day and age people would be less discriminative around mental health issues.

[kitty004567]

I wish all people could understand that mental illness is just that, an illness. It is not an excuse to be blamed for any personal issue with us. I'm so sorry you're having this problem at work. I do have to agree with Lady.. email is apparently dangerous territory for people who are bipolar and honest and straight forward.

I had a professor once who called me on my cell phone to ask if I was going to turn in my second paper on time (I had needed a 2 day extension on the first one due to a medical (not mental) issue..I had turned in the rough draft a week earlier for proofing - it's not like I was goofing off). He tried to justify it by saying he just needed to know if I was going to be able (mentally) to get the paper done in time. I was so insulted I turned the paper in 2 days early...which was also met with rudeness. Apparently it needed to be on the deadline.

[Moose72]

My mother blames my fir my illness- meanly!

[PT52]

Hi donut..it's tough when you get a bad reaction from disclosing, but in a way it's good, too. I don't know what country you're in, but I was fired because of my "poor communication skills" after I had disclosed. Once they were aware that I was bipolar, I was protected under the ADA, and have filed a legal complaint. If I hadn't disclosed and got fired (which seemed likely), I would have no recourse.

[Skully]

I was always told that you should never apologize for something that you do not feel needs an apology, it is a sign of weakness. Now, granted, that way my 90 year old senile lady that told me that so I am not sure lol. But you have nothing to be sorry for. If that manager wants to take it personal then that is her problem, not yours. And the comment she made towards warrents a complaint with HER supervisor. She had no right to say that to you! Especially if you have disclosed your mental health diagnosis to them. Then there could be BIG problems. But, that is me, I would make a mountain out of a mole hill over this lol.

Hang in there and don't let others actions affect you. You didn't do anything wrong so don't feel bad!

[lonegael]

One of the hardest things about this illness is having to remind ourselves that we don't have to assume that it IS us who is in the wrong. I had an unstable colleague once, and I did, if she blew up, make sure I was the one who made peace, but in the terms of "I'm sorry there was a misunderstanding" not "I'msorry I did something so stupid" unless i really had. That was actualy quite rare. Unfortunately I, like a lot of us, had been carefully taught by relatives and others that if there was a problem, than I or my illness lay at the root of it. It took a long time to figure out that in many cases this actually wasn't trye as often as I had bbeen led to believe. HUGGGGSSSSS!

[sugahorse1]

Being at work with a mental illness is not easy. I have not yet disclosed, but have thought about it, as there are days where it is just too much for me. When I actually just need to be at home and taking time off to look after myself. I am naturally quite hot-headed and tend to shoot my mouth off. And I often regret it. But that's me (Or the bipolar)
Keep your head held high, and as long as you know you're giving it 100%, that's going to have to be good enough for everyone else