'raging manic depressive' STATE

I've been low for a while now, but its taken a turn for the worst today.
This isnt related but i'll tell you what happened today, this patronising old hag at has really angered me!
we were talking about someone on a reality show who cries a bit, and she said she hated the fact that she cries every week.
i said, "well i think i would cry if the whole of my life depended on one moment and it was on TV."
she said, "are you a raging manic depressive as well then?"
i felt like screaming, "well yes actually i am!"
But i just smiled sweetly and walked away

but anyway, tonight i have cried and cried,i dont even feel like me anymore, i feel totally blank and then i blitzed my room tidied it all and barely remember it. i'm seeing my care worker tomorow.
Dont quite know how to tell her whats going on.
But manic depressed i am.

Thy just printing out some of your posts here and giving them to her to read if you don't feel like you can describe what's going on with you, widge. I know that writing these things is a world away from actually saying them to a flesh and blood person. I have felt like someone clmaps my mouth closed sometimes (rare as that experience can be). So go ahead and print these or even write down a summary of them if you want. don't depend on just telling her if you feel this way. HUUUUUGGGGSSSSS dear.

Hey Widget,

You have to tell your careworker tomorrow. What time is your meeting with her?

Hope your feeling better now?

Your careworker does need to know about these thoughts and feelings.
I've never been able to vocalise too much in T, but I have often copied my posts on PC and given them to my T to read.
I'm sorry the comment triggered you - it would have spun me out completely too.
I hope your caseworker is able to help you. Please tell you caseworker everything. You should probably put some thoughts on paper beforehand, as you've been through a WHOLE lot recently - and your caseworker needs to know this all.

I hope things look up for you soon - let us know how the meeting with the caseworker went!

Hey Widget

How did you get on?

She rearranged the appt for next Tuesday to be fair she doesnt know that things are bad at the moment.
i'm feeling low, and just really tired!

Hey Widget...

Awe no way!!

Any way you can get a quicker appointment? Maybe if you can talk to her and tell her brieflt what is going on she can help you out?

no the only time she is free is when i am at work and i cant take any time off.
I have given her a text and she just said that she is here to talk to until next week and if things get awful, she gave me the crisis line number which i already have and werent too helpful last week!

Hey Widget,

Sorry I havent replied sooner.

Well that's something though.... u can contact her and talk to her until next week. Does she know how bad you have been feeling? Particulary the weekend?

No i just couldnt bring myself to tell her, i might write up like a summary of everything that happened since the last time i saw her to give to her next Tuesday.
i feel like a car that keeps cutting out, like i'll be motoring along just nicely, for a few hours, then i just cut out, go blank and feel dead, like the only think i can manage to do is cry and i'm even too tired for that right now, but yet i cant sleep.

((((widget)))) I'm so sorry that you feel like this... writing things down is a great idea, it might also help you to process things and help you understand what is going on in your head.
Can you take sleeping tablets, coz it really sounds like you need that sleep...
Maybe you could try taking regular breaks, every hour or two to recharge your energy, just sit somewhere quite and try to relax for 5 minutes.
If you call the crisis number again, make sure you tell them how bad you really feel, don't leave the bad stuff out, they may not read behind the lines and could be used to people who exagerate things...

sorry you feel this way... I cannot believe you couldn't get to see your case worker. I hope you take up the opportunity to text her.
Hang in there and keep checking in with us - you can do it!

Awe, Widge! Don't forget those posts, though! whether this week or next, she needs to know. HUGGGGGSSSSS