[Moose72]

I called her Thursday saying I am depressed which I practically NEVER am and I cry at nothing and then am okay ... We'd tried seroquel a month ago for this and I was allergic. I feel okay but I'm crying. Its annoying.

So they upped ativan dose and that's been a lifesaver, really. The thing is, I am so stressed because of my mother that my temperature goes up! She is a grade-A B* And she does everything in her power to be controlling, nasty and mean. And if anyone dares talk back to her she gets worse. I suggested we do therapy but she said evil-ly and emphatically with the devil in her eye, "I will NEVER do therapy!!!"

So yes ask me why I still live with her. Well I can't support myself. But Lately I am trying to work things out with my ex so he can have the kids and I can maybe rent a room somewhere. Social security is a joke. And proving that she is abusive when I'm 38 is also a joke. She even told me today that forget it she wasn't helping with gifts for the kids - even though she said she would. She just wrote an email and dropped this coldly on me. She said she was going to only give what she gives to my sister's kids. Fine. But a week before xmas is a little jerky. And my sister has money. This is all beside the point because all this is a power trip to her. If she is not in 100% control of what everyone says does or wears, she gets evil. And I'm the one on meds so I don't freak out and actually go find a shovel. Yes, I called the PER. Yes I was that upset. No that is not me. Yes this was days ago and I am on ativan and instructions to call PER again if I need to before Thursday which is my next PDoc appointment.

She wants to change my meds. To what?? I'm on lithium. I'm on ativan. I can't take any of the antipsychotics- allergic or other bad side effects to all!

I think the logical answer is that I move- but I've been told that by so many people and unless someone wants to be my roomie I just can't afford it. No waiting list or shelter is going to do. They have YEARS to wait. And I can't say I am being abused although I am my 3 kids are because how do you prove it- especially when you're my age and should just get a freaking life already?

Well that's all. Had to vent. And no I can't "get out of there now"- Its cold. ITs snowy. I have nowhere to go. Ativan is my favorite respite. And I do have lots of friends. And believe me- I take all the time I can away from this place and I take my kids too. She quizes me on what I've done for MY kids and then gets evil on me if I dare talk back as if to say "Stop being rediculous. I can take care of my own kids."

Ok. / Rant

[Moose72]

This is how I'm feeling at the moment- soulful, tired, and oddly free.

[kikki27]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I called her Thursday saying I am depressed which I practically NEVER am and I cry at nothing and then am okay ... We'd tried seroquel a month ago for this and I was allergic. I feel okay but I'm crying. Its annoying.

So they upped ativan dose and that's been a lifesaver, really. The thing is, I am so stressed because of my mother that my temperature goes up! She is a grade-A B* And she does everything in her power to be controlling, nasty and mean. And if anyone dares talk back to her she gets worse. I suggested we do therapy but she said evil-ly and emphatically with the devil in her eye, "I will NEVER do therapy!!!"

So yes ask me why I still live with her. Well I can't support myself. But Lately I am trying to work things out with my ex so he can have the kids and I can maybe rent a room somewhere. Social security is a joke. And proving that she is abusive when I'm 38 is also a joke. She even told me today that forget it she wasn't helping with gifts for the kids - even though she said she would. She just wrote an email and dropped this coldly on me. She said she was going to only give what she gives to my sister's kids. Fine. But a week before xmas is a little jerky. And my sister has money. This is all beside the point because all this is a power trip to her. If she is not in 100% control of what everyone says does or wears, she gets evil. And I'm the one on meds so I don't freak out and actually go find a shovel. Yes, I called the PER. Yes I was that upset. No that is not me. Yes this was days ago and I am on ativan and instructions to call PER again if I need to before Thursday which is my next PDoc appointment.

She wants to change my meds. To what?? I'm on lithium. I'm on ativan. I can't take any of the antipsychotics- allergic or other bad side effects to all!

I think the logical answer is that I move- but I've been told that by so many people and unless someone wants to be my roomie I just can't afford it. No waiting list or shelter is going to do. They have YEARS to wait. And I can't say I am being abused although I am my 3 kids are because how do you prove it- especially when you're my age and should just get a freaking life already?

Well that's all. Had to vent. And no I can't "get out of there now"- Its cold. ITs snowy. I have nowhere to go. Ativan is my favorite respite. And I do have lots of friends. And believe me- I take all the time I can away from this place and I take my kids too. She quizes me on what I've done for MY kids and then gets evil on me if I dare talk back as if to say "Stop being rediculous. I can take care of my own kids."

Ok. / Rant

Wow that is bad for her too that girl you have good a good mood to take that crap from her I would flip out on her .She need to be more nice thats sucks bigg huggs and you keep on being nice cause that will get you more far In life.

[Moose72]

Some good news: my ex boyfriend bought a couple santa presents for my kids! I'm so shocked.

[robw]

That's great... I will be happy for you later, right now I'm too angry.

I don't know how old your kids are, but you have to realize that kids see what is going on, and to an extent are pretty understanding.

I remember one year at Christmas time my dad dipped out and left my mom, about 3 weeks before Christmas. My mom had a job making minimum wage and my dad wasn't helping her out with anything financially. I was at most maybe 8 years old, and I realized that mom didn't have any money to get us anything for Christmas. My sister and I got one present from my mom that year, it was a mini-bike (motorized scooter that went no faster than like 5mph). She had got it from my grandfather, who took it to a good friend of his and for 100$ his friend restored it to full working condition.

It was the best Christmas present I can remember getting, not because it was so expensive or anything like that. But, because I knew what my mom had sacrificed to give us that.

[sugahorse1]

I agree with Robw on how receptive kids can be.

Are you currently working? Is it possible to ask one of your friends to help? I'm not quite sure what your relationship with your ex is like, but maybe he can look after the kids for a while, until you can get on your own feet? It's hard enough to tackle life, let alone with bipolar, being a single parent, battling to make ends meet... you are strong to have come this far. I hope you see that there is a light - unfortunately it sometimes takes a long time to show itself.

(((MOOSE)))

[Moose72]

I have asked my ex to take the kids - then I'd get a room to rent. But I don't have a job. All the friends who say "live with me" are in other states. :-p

[Moose72]

Been checking into lawyers and social security. Of course ss has a 5-month F u period....

[blueoctober]

I agree with you Moose72; changing meds isn't always the answer. If I didn't have a therapist I would have more episodes. It's hard to find a solution to your living situation, but you are taking steps to change it and should be proud of yourself. Perhaps you could look at the classifieds for shared accomodations. I know it's not ideal and I had to do it for 2 years after my boyfriend and I split, but it most likely will be better than your current situation.

[kikki27]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Some good news: my ex boyfriend bought a couple santa presents for my kids! I'm so shocked.

Thats good

[Moose72]

Well tonight nobody is here but me n kids and we're cooking a homemade chicken dinner.

I think the meds idea is because my moods are very unstable. Feeling fine but sobbing. Seroquel fixed it but then I became allergic.

[Moose72]

Home alone with kds and all is well. 13-y/o is contrary and grumpy but that's normal lol

[sugahorse1]

You look like you're taking some big steps to change your current situation for the better, and should be proud of that

Have you tried any other mood stabilisers e.g. Lamictin? Or have you tried adding an anti-dep (not sure if this would push you into mania...?) Finding a med combo can be VERY frustrating - I'm sorry you're going through this

[Moose72]

I've been in celexa- that's what caused mania in the first place. We eventually added depakote the removed celexa then switched to lithium.

The apartment I looked into is 2 bedrooms four guys. Um... I'll pass!

[sugahorse1]

Eek - yup, 2 beds, 4 guys... dodgy

[Moose72]

It would be 2 bedrooms and three guys but still- that's me n a guy in one room. I've never had a brother and only ever shared a room with a boyfriend-turned-husband.

[Moose72]

She did. I had to choose between Geodon and Lamictal. I chose Geodon. We shall see.

[blueoctober]

Originally Posted by Moose72

The apartment I looked into is 2 bedrooms four guys. Um... I'll pass!

Yeah that's not ideal. Have you considered placing an ad on a free website or paper?

[Moose72]

Yes but not that far yet. I keep reading the ads.

My pdoc said maybe my mom is bipolar!!!!! I said I'd figured personality disorder. She gave me some tricks to deal with her though.

[billieJ]

Moose - why is social security a joke? bipolar should qualify you, particularly if you have a difficult time getting a good med adjustment. i qualified, and i think your circumstances are more qualifying than mine. Just prepare yourself to say WHY your disability or disabilities [cite as many as you can] impede your ability to work. Then make sure this is stated on your application. If you don't have enough work history for SSDI, you can still qualify for SSI. One can be abused at ANY age, and this certainly appears to be true of you. I think your thinking on getting the children out of the house and back to hubby seems sound and a good first step. You might be able to live at the Y. Certainly, it seems you would qualify for housing assistance. Call Adult Protective Services [1-800-252-5400] and see what kind of help in getting out of your abusive situation you might qualify for. Be prepared for them to visit your home, however. Your local MHMR might have some leads. Any agency social worker should have some ideas. HUGS