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#1
Dec 15, 2010, 09:26 PM
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I was just recently diagnosed with Bipolar and Schizophrenia (Early 2010) and I am still very new to the whole idea of having a disorder and all that it entails. Anyways I have this very weird and persistent paranoia that someone is either watching me or constantly around me. For example (past example), I had a crush on this one guy so I often felt like he was around me. It changes everything I do. I mean everything. He can be “with me” when I’m in my house, in the car, at school, anywhere. It changes how I function. For instance I will stop eating or dress a certain way because “he is around” even though he is not and it is just in my head. I’ll play certain music in the car that I’m sure he would like because he is there in my head. I know this seems to be a very messed up thing going on but I was wondering if it had anything to do with my diagnoses of being Schizophrenic or Bipolar. Sometimes I even talk to the person that is “there”. It drives me insane to have this person following me around always being with me. Another weird thing is they are never right next to me, they are always behind me. Like in the car even if the passenger seat were empty he would still sit in the back behind me almost so he can watch me or something. Does anyone have any thoughts on what could be causing this? If you need more information just ask questions. Thank you
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#2
Dec 15, 2010, 09:59 PM
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It sounds like your Schizophrenia is kicking your butt. I would talk to your doctor about it.
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#3
Dec 15, 2010, 10:08 PM
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Quote:
It sounds like you should probably speak with your doctor. I do understand the feeling you have. I used to have that feeling when I was in college. The place was so big and overwhelming and I was convinced that there were people watching me and judging me for a higher purpose in life. Yesterday, I had a little bout of paranoia because of the way people were standing and sitting in their cars at the p-doc's office. I thought for a brief moment that they were hired by some govt. agency to monitor me. I convinced myself that I was too boring for the govt. to want to watch, but the feeling followed me until I was at home. At the moment I am diagnosed with Bipolar 1 with psychotic features. |
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#4
Dec 15, 2010, 10:16 PM
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I know exactly how you feel. This has happened to me on several occasions. I wonder if it is my schizophrenia . . . 
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#5
Dec 15, 2010, 10:19 PM
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#6
Dec 15, 2010, 10:25 PM
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Sorry I can't really answer too much about it medically, as it's something I've only experienced relatively mildly (once within memory rather more), but... the thing that really struck me about your post (and I hope I'm not out of line in saying this, but here goes...). Even if he really was there, please consider that you are you. And SHOULD be you!
 Your one-of-a-kind wonderful self! What you like, who you are -- in all realms is VERY important to maintain. There's compromise, and then there's diminishing yourself into someone you aren't...and if it goes too far, sublimating yourself into a virtual non-existence. And that is never satisfying in the long run. To put it lightly. I'm not just saying this theoretically. I did this (not consciously, and not totally) and ultimately it made me absolutely miserable. There was nothing quite so freeing and satisfying as figuring this out and returning to MYSELF. In total. This is what I like. This is what I don't like. This is me. You either like it or you don't, but at least we'll know that it's geniune. (Which is not to say rude... like when someone says something completely obnxious then cloaks it in the phrase, "well, I'm just being honest!") And thing is, that we want others to be their true selves. Then we should do it ourselves as well, right?!  Much
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 BNLsMOM
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#7
Dec 16, 2010, 10:20 AM
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I have BP I with psychotic features and I do get paranoia. If it is left unattended my BP can move from a mood disorder to a thought disorder and I can make myself quite paranoid and I did this a few months ago and then needed heavy meds and people around me to help pull me out of it (Pdoc/husband/friends) because during those times I do not know what is real. I have never manifested someone to the degree you have, but I do get a lot of chatter in my head. I have had very paranoid delusions and have manifested what I would call "demons" our rather I thought that someone had become a demon if that makes sense. I also thought that someone was going to kill my child and my husband. I could not drive into an entire area because it had become evil.
When I am on the right meds though - I do not have an issue with paranoia. THANK GOODNESS!
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