[chiggins814]

i am sitting here and there is no one to talk to. i feel my husband doesnt want anything to do with me and he is just waiting until he doesnt feel guilty about divorcing me. i am bipolar and off my meds. my charity care at the hospital ended and i am waiting for a doctors app in Jan through insurance. i have a son and i feel his mom(me) cant be there for is every need. its so hard to play with him and interact and even talk to him. i am a stay at home mom. i find myself getting sucked into kid shows and dosing in and out of sleep. idk what to do. i have meds that i can take but they make me feel funny. when i was going to the hospital for my meds they made me feel like a guinea pig for all their new meds. i gained like 50lbs on the meds they gave me and got acne really bad. i just dont know where to turn i have no support no friends and it feels like my family is just falling apart. i dont know where to turn or what to do...

[Skully]

I know how you feel. I can be surrounded by people and still feel alone. Are you in the US? There are medical assistance programs you may qualify to get back on your meds and stable again. You can still call the crisis line if you are in need of help! I hope things look up for you soon

[ladyjrnlist]

For what it is worth, we are here for you!
You sound depessed. Hang in there. Maybe you could talk to your husband about how you feel and see if you can get him to open up to you a little. It might help you both. Just do the best you can with your son, he will love you anyway. Hugs.

[Yesterdays]

I can understand how you're feeling. A lot of times I think our mental illnesses do a really good job of making us feel like we're alone in our suffering, even if we're not. For a long time I thought that no one cared about me, that I had no one to talk to or who would be there for me. But when I was admitted to the hospital I realized there are a lot of people who understand, and there are even more people who I can talk to and who honestly care about me.

Don't let your mental illness overtake what you know is right. I bet that your husband loves you, and that he's always there for you. It's probably only your illness that is making you feel differently. If you had no mental illness, would you really feel the same way?

You're never alone, no matter how alone you feel. There will always be people who care about you and are there to support you. Look around and try to see through your mental illness; I guarantee you'll find them.

[blueoctober]

Hi chiggins814 sorry you're having a hard time. Is there a family member that can help with the care of your son? Finding the correct med combo is frustrating, but I think it's worth the effort. Hopefully you can find a med combo that works for you and you can start feeling like yourself again.

[chiggins814]

my mom is there if i really cant move. i go to a new doc in jan but im not sure what to think. i feel betrayed by my last one and felt like she judged me...alot...i know that because im not on meds my mind is playing tricks on me its just so hard to firgure out whats real and whats not in my own mind...

[Petunia111]

I know how you feel...if that is any help, but hang in there!!! That's all we BP's can do. Even if it's making tea, just do what you can do and let the rest of things take care of themselves.

I feel guilty plenty of times, that I had a kid, not believing that bipolar was genetic, but rather environmental and I feel bad that my husband is "stuck" with me, a wife who is on disability.

He is nice to me, and that makes me feel even more guilty, like I should be treated badly because of my problems and that he could have picked someone who is together, working and okay.

I hope that things work out for you!!!!

[blueoctober]

Originally Posted by chiggins814

i go to a new doc in jan

I hope the new doc helps you.

[PT52]

Originally Posted by chiggins814

my mom is there if i really cant move. i go to a new doc in jan but im not sure what to think. i feel betrayed by my last one and felt like she judged me...alot...i know that because im not on meds my mind is playing tricks on me its just so hard to firgure out whats real and whats not in my own mind...

Hi chiggins824..sorry things are so tough right not. First and most important, you are here on PC, which means you have support, you have friends, and you have people you can turn to who have suffered the way you are now.
I know it's hard to think logically when your mind is in a dark place, but I hope you can try; Here is what I would try to focus on:
1. Even if your feelings about you last doc are justified, the new one is someone else; try not to judge the new one based on how the old one behaved. Give them a chance to help you find a med balance and other resources that can help.
2. It could be that your symptoms are causing you to misinterpret your husband's intent. It could also be that your instincts are right; or it could be something else entirely. Thank him for whatever help he has given, reassure him that you love him, and ask him to be patient until you have your symptoms sorted out.
3. No one can meet all the needs of another person, even their own child. There will always be times when you are wholly there, and there will be times when you don't have a lot to give. If he is healthy, getting enough to eat, has a warm place to sleep and isn't in any physical danger, it's not perfect, but it's enough for the moment.

I hope that you will be strong until you get the help that you need. When you need support, advice, or just need to rant, come here - there will always be someone to give you a hug.

[BNLsMOM]

I feel that way sometimes too.

[kikki27]

Originally Posted by chiggins814

i am sitting here and there is no one to talk to. i feel my husband doesnt want anything to do with me and he is just waiting until he doesnt feel guilty about divorcing me. i am bipolar and off my meds. my charity care at the hospital ended and i am waiting for a doctors app in Jan through insurance. i have a son and i feel his mom(me) cant be there for is every need. its so hard to play with him and interact and even talk to him. i am a stay at home mom. i find myself getting sucked into kid shows and dosing in and out of sleep. idk what to do. i have meds that i can take but they make me feel funny. when i was going to the hospital for my meds they made me feel like a guinea pig for all their new meds. i gained like 50lbs on the meds they gave me and got acne really bad. i just dont know where to turn i have no support no friends and it feels like my family is just falling apart. i dont know where to turn or what to do...

Bigg huggsHope you get well soon cause being off your meds is not good maybe until you see your new doctor I think you should get back on your meds cause they can help you so you want be back In the hospital.