Absolutely Terrified

I would describe myself as manic or depressed right now.
But i'm not in a good place.
My best friend in the world, we're practically brother and sister, we lived and worked together for 2 and half years and even now we dont we see each other more than most married couples. Has just begun kinda seeing this guy and i am PETRIFIED of losing him.
Not losing him in a way of never seeing him again.
But even if he is with this 'Adam,' for a few hours while i am lonely and could be at his house, it will tear me apart.
I've felt like this before, and i tried to pretend i didnt to the point where i could explode, but i'm going to be honest now.
SO MANY things are going through my head, scary things, every option that i cant think of to make sure he doesnt start a relationship with Adam. I've tried persuading him that Adam is a **** but he disagrees, which is fair enough, Adam is actually quite a nice bloke, and Robert goes on about how important it is that his friends like Adam especially me and that if we didnt get on he couldnt see him, but i dont want robert to resent me, so i need to do something so they split up without robert thinking it was down to me.
BUT NO what i actually need to do is get over it, i love robert to bits and here i am trying to do everything i can to make sure he ISNT HAPPY, that not right, i am being so horrible and can only think of myself.
I dont think this is anything to do with Bipolar, i think this is just the fact i am an insecure ***** who is so scared of being alone that i'll go to any lengths, thus hurting my best friends. I've always been like this, which is why i cling on to the friends i do have for dear life cause no one else likes me and vice versa, I hate people until they make a specific effort for me not to hate them!! Not many people do that cause they realise i'm not worth knowing!

You know if you just left your friend to have this relationship, maybe he will bring it back to you. I mean what if you had two people rather then just one as good friend? I mean if your best friend likes him, i bet you trust his judgment that he;s a nice person, and if he is, maybe you could all be friends. If not, i mean if the guy is actually an ***, what a better friend you will be ...having stood by your friends decision without interfering. If these are just not doable by you then Just think of the breakup and how much your friend will need you!!!!!!!!!

Do you have a therapist you can work these feelings out with? As you know I can't diagnose, but I would imagine the feelings you have are a borderline trait more than bipolar. Of course we all know that disorders can overlap.

At any rate it sounds like you want to be happy for your friend, but are fighting with the feelings that you have ingrained in you which are to do anything to stop their relationship. It is really something that can be worked on in therapy or maybe in a dbt program. You could look up DBT and Marsha Linnehan who is the person who came up with it. I have been in a dbt group and I have found the skills helpful.I don't have a borderline diagnosis, but studies are showing that dbt is good for bipolar as well.

It sounds a lot like a Borderline trait. My T thinks I am Borderline too, and i go through the exact same emotions as you.
We clutch onto people in our life, rely on them for happiness. I'm trying to deal with these emotions in therapy, and it boils down to working on your own self-worth. Being happy in your own skin. Being happy with your own company. Being able to be alone. To do things that truely make you happy; even if it at first appears to you as being selfish - but you need to look after yourself.

I know it seems like you are 'losing' a best friend, but he's still there. You need to be able to allow him to be happy too - I know it's easier said than done

I was going to say that is sounds a lot like me... the borderline part of me. I am so sorry you are going through this and it really sucks bad and I know that, but letting him have his love will only show him how much you love him. I lost my best friend for two years because I wouldn't let her have someone that I didn't agree with AND I was married, but I wanted to control our friendship - how stupid is that. Finally she came back and we are best friends again, but I lost her for two years. This is all so hard at times!

Agree with the above posts... therapist great idea... consider borderline... if so, then therapist really great idea!!!!

sorry that you are going through a tough time. take each moment as it comes and try to find things to do to take your mind off it, can you start a new hobby or get back into an old one????

We saw a lot of this type of thinking with my father, who was borderline as well as bp. It's worth talking about with a doctor/therapist.

I know, i sounded very selfish.
But Robert is the ONLY person in the world who loves me more than he loves anyone else (except his mum, but i obv dont mind that) who wouldnt be scared to lose that..
I create worlds where i am at the centre and now i am getting older its extremely difficult to keep that going. But Robert looks forward to seeing me, checks with me what i am doing before he would make plans with anyone else.
I've read all about borderline and yes some of it applies, but some doesnt. i dont care what people think of me and i dont change my personality according to me wanting others to like me. No one likes me, i am bloody difficult to like, thats why i am so lucky to have Robert, the one person who likes me just as much as i like him and we get on all the time, and can make each other laugh EVERY DAY!
I've spent some time with Robert and Adam and some of our mutual friends and have been enjoying it.
Its this bit here thats hard, when i know that i would have decided about 9 to stay round Roberts tonight, but he is at Adams, so i cant. How am i meant to deal with that? He is like the other half of me.
He even said the other day, that he loves the fact that people know we come as a pair, but we wont when he falls in love with Adam and i'm not the most important person in anyones life.
Do you know what i dont even think i have bipolar, i think i just want someone to REALLY love me.... and when i feel loved, i'm happy and when i dont i'm sad, so in the end i'm just a normal person. i've just made myself cry and then laugh, what a loser!!
i know this post is old, but its so current for my life.

Not selfish, just truthful....
I think that there is that inside alot of us - we just don't admit it and smother it in being "normal" or "acceptable".
Knowing what you are thinking is half the battle with therapy so the insight that you have into this situation is priceless. I hope that with time you can find happiness in yourself.

(((((((((((((widget)))))))))))) That Borderliny part sounds so afraid that your Robert will be stolen from you. That's kind of the way that the emotional love/hate side of it works. Remember, love can't be stolen or forced. r manipulated, It's going to be easier for your head to understand than your heart. Try to force it, you might lose it. Robert will settle down into making sure there is room for you in that heart too, remember. It's going to be really hard for that anxiety to settle down about that , but remind it that people don't usually work all hate/all love. Love makes room for more. You'll be fine, even though it doesn't feel great now. HUGGGGSSS