I just need to get this out to people who might understand

I've only posted a few times.
I've been bipolar for years, always stay on my meds, usually under control - haven't had a bad episode in 5 years - this month got very depressed - it turns out the birth control pills my obgyn put me on decreased the effectiveness of my Lamictal by half - i only have to stay on them for 2 more months but it's been rough for me - I've been crying, can't sleep and my job is making me so stressed. I am not yet married a year, but my husband,who I think may be bipolar as well (but would never in a million uears admit it), is borderline abusive sometimes, and I feel like I'm stuck right now, due to financial difficulties.
Yesterday I finally saw my Therapist after almost 2 months and confessed a lot of things to her (I was telling her I was handling a lot of things when I wasn't) so I feel relieved that I did that, but i still feel awful, sad, and don't want to do much of anything including leave the house.
I was able to "work from home" today and am able to slack a bit but next week will be back in the office and probably be just as crazy from the pressure and stress.
My husband - with him it's best just to yes him to death and keep him calm, i walk on eggshells a lot so that he isn't upset.
I am not suicidal - I am just sad and feel kind of hopeless, i want to lay in bed and sleep till i feel better.
I'm the kind of person who will just act like everything is great untill I totally fall apart, and i feel like I'm going to fall apart soon.

I'm sorry you are going through this difficult time. It shows strength you spoke with your therapist about your feelings, and such.

so sorry you feel so bad. Is it possible your pdoc can increase the lamictal to compensate for the birth control deceasing it?

You are stronger than u think. You were able to finally talk to your therapist and share your feelings here. I'm glad you were able to open up and you are definitly headed in the right direction so don't give up hope now. Stay strong

sending peaceful vibes with a little determination sprinkled on top..and lots of hugs..

She increased my seroquel for now - I think I am going to stop the birth control. Having a huge discussion with the husband about how I don't really need it since we don't really do anything anyway....Fantastic right? That just makes me feel so much better (that's sarcastic btw)
And Seroquel, although great for sleep, made me gain about 20 lbs when I first started it, so I have a love/hate relationship with it. I've tried to go off of it 2x with bad results, so I stay on a low dose of it. and now begrudgingly said we can raise it, but I'm thinking getting off the birth control is a better idea.

Sorry if i'm rambling and thank you everyone for the kind words and thoughts - I just came in from talking to him and saw everyone had written and it's so nice. thank you.

If it's the birth control. Then stop it. That's your decision mostly, not his. There are many other methods that can be used if needed. Your mental well being is far more important than whether the wants you on the pill. And yes, Seroquel is good and bad. I gained 40 pounds and was so drugged down on it. It made my depression worse. It might do the same to you. I am now off it and feeling better.

ya, I know I should stop it - I guess I can just stop, call the obgyn and just tell her I want the iud i had before - I just need to know i can't get pregnant - I'm not a kid person and at 41 and with all my meds and issues getting pregnant would be a bad bad bad idea. i was going to have something else done that was more permanent, which is why I went on the pill, just till I had it done, but 2 more months of this is too long.
Seroquel has been good for me as far as stability - I was having some wild mood swings til I went on it - it did dope me up pretty badly when I was on the higher dosage ladyjrnlst, and I had the weight gain, which is why I've tried to come off of it twice. both times I had very bad mood swings, and I have very bad side effects from Geodon. I've had weight problems my whole life, so it's been a struggle - I only take 100mg of Seroquel at night, which seems to keep me stable with all of my other stuff, but I can't seem to get rid of it entirely.

I would use other forms of birth control ..like..a condom? I mean i know your married and that might be strange to hear but..it would only be for a couple of months anyways right?

The condom would never happen. We'd just not have sex for 2 months first. That's how my husband is. It would make sense but he doesn't wear one. ever.

jaded, i think it's a good sign that you are starting to consider alternatives and solutions. Hopefully it signals a lift in your depression.

birth control pills add to my weepiness, depression and moodiness. I just got an IUD that has a low amount of hormones and seems to be going better than being on the pill. I hope you start feeling better soon.

That seems really unfair of him. I mean if your having problems with birth control pill, and it could be alleviated by not taking it and then useing some other form, you would think he would go for it. Anyways...i dont how you feel...but i would certainly rather not have sex for two months then feel like crap on birth control. You know i'm kinda mean but i would throw a bottle of lotion at the guy and say no condom..no sex you got two hands and then walk away. hahaha

I had issues with birth control too and I'm allergic to most types of condoms. If he's no willing to wear a condom perhaps he should consider getting a vasectomy?

Exactly. I realize that condoms reduce sensitivity but he's just being selfish. Wearing a condo
will not hurt him and your hands are tied with b/c for you.

I think he does that all the time anyway lol.

Yagalada - I had the iud before - I think I'm going to go back to that - I was going to get this Essure sterilization thing but that's not going to be till Feb 9th and I have to stay on the pill for a month after but the IUD works immediately. I'm going to call my dr tomorrow.

I'm sorry things are tough right now. I wish there was something I could say to make things seem easier

Hey at least you have a sense of humor about it, thats awesome, keep us posted would love to hear what you plan to do.