[wifethatwas0102]

I guess I suck at letting go. I'm SOOO angry at him. He told me he didn't love me and he has feelings for that other woman, and he's been in contact with her for the past three weeks. he's trying to say all the moments we've had for the past three months have been him "trying" and not necessarily real. He claims not to be depressed right now.

I told him to leave, and he refused, so I took my kids and left for the night. He then had a pity party for himself and texted his friends saying his wife had left him. he failed to mention the part where he was unfaithful to his wife.

Our counselor says he's dealing with alot emotionally in counseling, and it has triggered his bipolar. She was going to try to reiterate to him how important it was that he go to his evaluation on the 10th, and hoped we could come in together next week.

I can't do this. how do spouses do it? What do I do?? His unpredicability scares me. what if he takes our money? my kids? I'm hoping he'll agree to allow me full custody until he is stabilized on meds. I'm hoping he can put the wellbeing of his children above himself.

He knows he's bipolar. He knows he's off the wall alot. He wants help. But its just not enough right now. I can't handle him lying to me, and lying to veryone else....telling everyone I'm the crazy jealous one. Is it hopeless?

Has anyone here made similar mistakes, and was your marriage recoverable??

[reader71]

Maybe it is a good idea for you to take a break for a few days or weeks. Is there a reason why he has to wait until the 10th for his evaluation?

[sugahorse1]

I'm sorry you have to go through this.
Is hospitalisation for him an option? It will allow him to get onto meds much quicker. While BP makes relationships harder, and requires more effort from both parties, it is not an excuse for anything.
Yes, I had an affair when I was unmedicated, but since I am on meds, have been dx'd and realise what went on, I am a different person (And am back with my boyfriend). I do sometimes lash out at him, but we both know that it's not 'ME' - my bf takes it with a pinch of salt, and I realise I need to regroup myself.

[ladyjrnlist]

I agree with Reader. Maybe you should get some distance just so you can clear your head and get away from the uncertainty surrounding his moods.
Just remember, he is ill and try to use that as context. Although, I know that doesn't make you feel any better when he acts out.
I hope this gets better for you soon.

[madisgram]

is he willing to take his meds for the bipolar? if they're not working, if has some prescribed, he should discuss this with his post doc.
the situation is beyond your control. if he is willing to get help things may change for the better. his infidelity has really clouded the situation, imho.
i'm sorry life is so tough for you right now. i agree, take a break if you can and distance yourself from his mental heath issues. if he doesn't get help and follow their suggestions, then you can make decisions re your marriage.
as for his lying about your status in the marriage re leaving-don't worry about what other ppl think. what is important is you know the truth. you've done nothing wrong.

[yagalada]

i'm all for giving second chances, i've definitely needed them when i've made mistakes and i've given people second chances who've hurt me. I have issues with giving 4th 5th 10th chances though. It's not right, and I would go so far as to say its manipulation, to always use mental illness as an excuse for repeated awful behavior.

I'm bipolar and I've been in treatment for a while now (about 5 years, intensively). I have a great deal of self awareness about what's wrong with me, and how my cycles impact my life. I was already well established in treatment when I married my husband, so my experience is slightly different.

I am fortuante my husband takes my crying and irritability with a grain of salt. I am fortunate he can live with me when I have problems with paranoia and deep depression and he's coming to terms with the way mania presents for me. I get paranoid, hear things, get kinda strange. I'm definitely high maintenance in that regard

I wouldn't ever cheat on my husband or tell him i dont love him, but I guess that could just my experience. I have cried uncontrollably over the trash not being taken out, I've raged about the way he chews chips so I guess we all have our ways of presenting our mental illness.

So, probably some space is good right now. If he can come back committed to working on things then I'd give it a second chance.

[wifethatwas0102]

Well, up until today, jhe had told me he KNEW something was wrong with him, and he hated he had to wait until the 10th (that's the soonest he could get an appt) to find out the truth and get help. However, his mom (who I also believe to be untreated and bipolar) totally disagrees with it, and says he is not, and he shouldn't get treatment. He went to stay with her all weekend. He showed up this morning to watch the kids and was horrible to me. he also said he "probably wasn't even bipolar!!" and I about had a heart attack. really? Has he regressed that badly? He blamed me for everything....he says he was incontact with this girl, and did have feelings for her, but he did nothing physical and he knew he ****ed up and could never earn my trust because I'd never believe him...but that it wasn't his fault because it took two people to make a marriage work, and I made him unhappy!!!! UGGGH. I gave him SO much support, that I set aside the fact that he said he didn't love me, and STILL promised to be by his side as a friend....he can't say I didn't try or that this was my fault. Ugh I'm so angry! He told me to **** off a few times, which is out of context for him (we always had "fighting fair" rules, including no use of name calling).

after I got to work, he posted on his cousins facebook wall that he was planning a roadtrip out to see him soon (two states away) Then he texted me about where the money went (we had a jar of cash that was the kids money). I told him it was in safe keeping for the kids, and asked why he needed it, and he said to pay the neighbor for yard work last summer. I'm a bit paranoid now he is trying to scrape up cash to drive away....if he walks out on his job, we are screwed. He carries our insurance for me and the kids.

Being with his mother is the worst place he could be, mental health support wise. I left a voicemail with our counselor today, notifying her of his denial of BP, and the money and roadtrip comments. I ahve been a mess all day. What do I do if he doesn't go to his appt next week? AGH!

[mgran]

Oh good lord, it sounds like he's about to crack up. You really are doing everything you can, and everything you should do. You're completely right to keep the kids safe, and you're right to have removed their money from where he can get hold of it. I really really hope that he'll get to his assessment ... if he genuinely believes he's not bipolar, then tell him to go and have his "all clear" in writing. It might be a way to "trick" him into doing what's needful.

Do you have anyone to stay with? He has his mother... who do you have?

[lotusflames]

At the end of the day its his choice if he goes or not. SaMe as its his choice to see his cousin. It does sound s manic decision yes but nothing will stop him.

Trust me. I do the same. And say the same too