I'm not winning the no meds battle but I don't want to stop breastfeeding.

Sometime in January I started noticing mixed episodes and or rapid cycling. It's so hard to tell when I look back on it, even reading my journal. I know that the holiday season from mid November to xmas was very depressing, but I think that was all situational.

February seems to be nothing my mixed rapid irritable brain mush. I am not sleeping. I am afraid of things. I feel like staying in check, keeping it together is a full time job on top of taking care of my 5 month old, on top of doing a lot of the household stuff and all of the cooking, bill paying, etc.

I want to go back on meds but my prescriber won't prescribe until I wean. For me, formula won't happen in this house. My son already has sensitivities and I think formula will make them worse. Weaning to formula will make me feel like a failure. Most importantly, I don't even think he'll take it. He wont take a bottle of breast milk since my husband and I have tried that in order to try to give me a little break.

I can't switch prescribers due to staying with this therapist and all that procedural bureaucratic nonsense. My GP won't prescribe me a mood stabilizer even though I asked, she want's me to do that with my pysch.

I just don't know what to do and I'm at the end of my rope. I got a massage yesterday which was nice and I use all my coping skills when the demands of a 5 month old allow me some time. My prescriber seems to think that because I stay at home I can spend the day with a paint brush in my hand swaying to new age music and indulge in the soothing coos of an infant, but it's really not like that!!!! I have no support from family and no friends to help.

I don't really know where this post is going...so here it is, I guess I'm just frustrated.

Find a prescriber willing to do the research. There are meds that are compatible with breastfeeding. Check out http://www.ibreastfeeding.com/ . Anything by Dr. Hale is a reliable source. Some pharmacists keep a copy of his book as a reference too.

Good suggestion, and something else that could ease things a bit would be if you could get a part time nanny or housekeeper to give you a break from some of the chores that you can delegate. I know the new age description is far removed from being a stay-at-home mom, but I think if you conscientiously look for ways to give yourself little breaks, it will help.
Hugs...

pump and freeze? You can freeze breast milk for 6monthes to 1 year. I mean no kid takes the bottle right away...but they get used to it, otherwise no kid would ever have a bottle. It seems like a good option to me.

I probably should just find another prescriber. I have mentioned the title of Dr. Hale's book and gave her the infant risk warmline number to call about med advice but she stated she was too busy to call. I called myself and then called her with what they told me and that wasn't good enough for her. Bottom line, nothing is 100% safe and she won't put it on her conscious prescribing a nursing mom meds.

I really don't want to have to get a new therapist though. I don't know if its a thing here in mass or with my insurance what but you have to be in therapy to get meds beyond what a gp will prescribe, and the only places that take my insurance (masshealth and medicare)are the community full service behavioral health complexes. I could see if another prescriber will take my case but then I get bumped down the waiting line and it'll take months to get an appointment (seriously, its bad).

I pump, but my output is very little. I get one feeding's worth out of several pumpings. I;m actually proud of myself, I used to get nothing at all so I am sticking with it to see if it gets better.

I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to get a babysitter, nanny, housekeeper, maid service, au pair, personal chef, chauffeur, anyone to help out but we have no money. We're saving up every penny as is for car repairs, then I get new glasses, then my husband pays the registry to get his license back.

Sorry for this being so long, I never really express any of this. My husband is supportive but doesn't want me to use formula (kinda funny since he's not the one providing milk),and it's clear to me my therapist has never been around babies or has any sort of experience with my mommy issues to bring to the table. Luckily there's plenty of other stuff to cover

Luckily my little guy is taking a good nap today. I'm trying to breathe and take it easy.

I don't really have anything to help just wanted to let you know I read what you had to say and hope things get easier soon!

Something to keep in mind if you decide that there is a compelling reason(s) to switch to formula: sometimes it happens. Period. You have not failed. The same goes for women who choose formula from the beginning - none of that makes anyone a bad mother.
Also, maybe you could research formulas. Many of them are an excellent alternative, and you might find one you can be comfortable with so you can go back on your meds.

I may be a little too far on the "new age" spectrum but I'll throw in my 2 cents...
I use full spectrum light bulbs in my house... they say they aren't strong enough to make a difference (like the light boxes) but I think they help. They are a little more expensive than regular bulbs but they fit in normal lights. I do use massage therapy which is a huge help. I also use aroma therapy stuff. Also when push comes to shove I can be the queen of the barter. Is there anything that you can do or trade with someone for some help? Like, possibly trading the clothes your baby has out grown to someone who has a younger baby or is about to have a baby? Another thing that helps me is having an end date (even if you end up having to change it)... knowing when the baby will be on regular food and you can go back on meds. Dunno... just brainstorming.

I went on 40mg of Celexa when I was breastfeeding my son. I only made it 4wks of BFing with my daughter and she ended up going on Soy formula because of sensitivities. I was determined to BF my son as long as I could and we made it 9mos. I struggled with a low supply so he did have to get formula to gain weight, but that's a whole different issue.

Anyway, I was prescribed 20mg of Celexa at my 6wk appt and didn't take it because I was scared of what it could do to my son. I then talked to the pharmacist and a lactation consultant and did my own research. I started back on it when he was 8wks old and just kept a close eye on him. He didn't have any side effects that I know of.

I guess my suggestion is to maybe find a different Dr. Someone who is willing to work with you. For me, the depression was so bad I didn't want to be near either of my kids. Getting stabilized again helped me to finally bond with my son and interact more with my daughter. You can PM me anytime if you'd like to talk. Hang in there!

Call Le Leche League. They can help.

I like the full spectrum bulbs, and I think they do help my husband. I love aromatherapy, my current blend I've been using is lavender, bergamot, and a tiny bit of citrus. Lavender anything really seems to help me. I've been splurging on good quality soaps, lotions, oils etc and I think it helps me a bit. My massage the other day was great and I'd like to keep it up on a regular basis.

I went through a terrible time when my baby was born. I steadfastly refused to stop nursing, and not taking any medications.

I wound up having to stop breastfeeding when I had a breakdown and was hospitalized when he was 4 months old.

If I had it to do over, I'd have stopped breastfeeding at 6 weeks and used a bottle. It was a terrible time, to be in a hospital while my baby was being cared for by my mother.

I apparently was very manic and I worried excessively over the health of my newborn. I waited a long time to have him and loved him so.....he is a healthy 20 year old now and away at college!

It sounds to me like your prescribing doctor is a complete idiot. She doesn't want it on her conscience to prescribe meds to a nursing mum, even when there are plenty of safe meds out there? Does she want it on her conscience if you get ill again?

I don't know what to suggest. I nursed my son for a long time, and was up and down quite a bit during that period. (I didn't know what was wrong with me back then, and didn't want to go to the doctor, since I thought they would take my baby away.) Having been in something like your situation, I think you really could do with a different prescriber... but I gather that's proving difficult for you to organise.

Is there a patients advocacy group who might help? I've found them to be a life saver... but I'm in the UK. I don't know what the situation is like in the US.

There have been no studies on how psych medications consumed through breast milk. They can't be done as it would too risky for infants. If it was me...and I nursed for two years...I would give up the nursing to stay stable on medication. There is no way to know if your medications would damage your child's health. (Oh, at the time I nursed I didn't know I had bipolar and had minor symptoms so I wasn't on medication).

really good oil combo for you and the baby!!! One that has saved my tail on more than one bad day is Young Livings blend called "grounding". It is expensive and their marketing structure stinks... but there have been many times that their oils got me through the night.

Omers, good point...and a good blend. I order from the following site:

http://birchhillhappenings.com/aroma3.htm

That's a link to their blends page and they have Young Living comparables that I've tried and tried to find a difference other than price in. They use quality oils and don't dilute them with a carrier (unless indicated) like Young Living does. However, I just checked and they don't have grounding. But I can recommend their blend "Peaceful" (their comparable to peace and calming...but slightly different (this is one of the few I could tell a difference on)).