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Old Feb 08, 2011, 09:32 AM
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finonaey finonaey is offline
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I have been diagnosed bipolar for 10 years now. My son was 5 when i really hit the wall so he doesnt remember. Since then i have done everthing in my power to not let them know about me being bipolar. When I am depressed and cant get out of bed they think i am just sick. When i am manic they think i am the fun mom and we do a lot of stuff togather. I have not figured out how to tell them that i am bipolar. I want to tell them so they hear it from me but i am afraid of how they will look at me then. My daughter had a project to work on for her health class (she is 14) and it was on mental illness. She for some odd reason she picked bipolar of all things. Her teacher told her to take note that people with bipolar are criminals and murders. I told her that that was not true that that is a sterotype. But how do u compete with the teacher that in her eyes knows everything. I felt like calling that teacher and giving her a piece of my mind but if i do then maybe the school will find out. i am very paranoid. i just wondered if anyone who has kids how did u explain bipolar to them without turning thier world upside down. One fortunate thing is neither one of them are showing any signs of mental illness i am thankful for that. any ideas on how to handle this would b nice. thanks
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  #2  
Old Feb 08, 2011, 02:24 PM
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Welcome. My mom has been diagnosed since I was a child and she told me what she was diagnosed with when I was 8 and she had to go in-patient. The diagnosis didn't bother me, but her having to be admitted was hard on me. I think 14 is old enough to have an open conversation about it, but perhaps you could discuss with a therapist who specializes with children for an idea on how to approach the subject etc.

As far as what the teacher told your daughter I would suggest voicing your concern. It doesn't mean you need to disclose your diagnosis, but such an ignorant statement should be corrected. I hope you find this site supportive.
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  #3  
Old Feb 08, 2011, 03:22 PM
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onlymedid onlymedid is offline
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I would have a conversation with the teacher and with the principal present. You don't have to tell them your diagnosis, you could tell them that you have someone very close to you with it. Let them know that it was inappropriate to tell your daughter that and that maybe there needs to be some sort of education on the teachers' part. I would be very angry myself!
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  #4  
Old Feb 08, 2011, 04:16 PM
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I had a similar situation with my son's AP Psychology teacher who was teaching that there was no such thing as bipolar 2. I provided some links to some reading material, but it was pretty much a lost cause. The frightening thing was that she was an AP teacher. ACK!

My oldest is quite familiar with the characteristics of bipolar disorder. I've just been really straight with him. At 14 you should be able to provide some reading material for your daughter and have a straight talk about it. It's not like she doesn't know something's up. Trust me; she already knows.
  #5  
Old Feb 08, 2011, 06:23 PM
reader71 reader71 is offline
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I agree with onlymedid--the teacher needs to know that what she said was incorrect, ignorant, and biased against people with bipolar disorder.
  #6  
Old Feb 08, 2011, 07:43 PM
mgran71 mgran71 is offline
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You say, "But how do u compete with the teacher that in her eyes knows everything."

The answer is that you are the Mom, and the truth is that in a child's eyes Mom may not know everything, but she means everything.

My Mum was bipolar (or schizophrenic, they never quite sorted out the diagnoses) and I figured it out fairly early, though she never straight out said what was wrong. I don't think she even knew, back in the seventies and eighties. But even though I knew she was flat out bonkers a lot of the time, even though her manic states were terrifying, and incomprehensible, and her depressive states almost unbearable to deal with, I still knew she loved me, and I knew that of all people on the planet she was the one who had my back.

Don't worry that your daughter will choose her teacher over you. You are her Mother. There's only one of you in the whole world, and it's hard wired into her, socially, genetically, emotionally, to love and honour you... even if she's doing the teenage daughter thing of slamming her door and saying "you don't understand me."

I did all that with my Mum, but we still loved each other, and I still respected her opinion above that of anyone else in the world.

Recently I've been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, and after something like twenty years of misdiagnoses, partly because I was too frightened to tell the truth, it was a huge relief to find out what was wrong and get the treatment I needed. I thought hard about what to tell my son, and in the end told him the truth, since I know he's had to put up with me all his life. He was one hundred percent fine about it. He's noticed that the media misrepresents mental illness, and he gets cross with the telly, not me.

My advice is this... your daughter already knows on some level, and wants to find out more... that's why she chose this topic, even if she's not aware of it herself. She wants to understand you better. She loves you.

Her teacher is a prize imbecile to make the comments she did. I would write a letter to the school objecting to the comments this teacher made, and simply say that they are hurtful since a family member has been affected by these issues. They don't have to know it's you. My son's school don't know what's wrong with me. (They probably suspect depression.) The point is, your daughter is your child, not the teacher's, and she will want to hear from you... and believe me, she'll trust you.

I loved my mother, and my son loves me. The fact that she was ill, and I am ill hasn't destroyed that mother child bond, and I'm sure it won't destroy your either.

Good luck.
  #7  
Old Feb 08, 2011, 09:17 PM
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Kymaro Kymaro is offline
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my children are 18 and 15 and both have know about me being bipolar for about 5 years now. They are very helpfull in keeping an eye on me. Sometimes others around you can notice changes b4 you start to notice them yourself. I think its good that the children are aware as it can "stop the sterotypes" befor they get started. As for the teacher "HANG HIM". ok sorry about that. But surely I would talk to the teacher, I am hoping that there was just a mis understanding, its hard to believe that someone could be so ignorant(sp). But I've been wrong before...lol
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  #8  
Old Feb 08, 2011, 10:01 PM
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If you are having a hard time deciding how to tell your children and what to tell them, you might take them to a psychologist, if you see one, to help you do it. They probably already know something is up but it is up to you to explain what is happening and give them the truth about bipolar.
  #9  
Old Feb 08, 2011, 10:11 PM
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Welcome finoaey!
When I first read your post earlier today, I couldn't respond, because I was so aghast and angry at what the teacher said. I agree with the others that she should definitely be taken to task about this ignorance. It's simply inexcusable in the context of teaching subject matter. Ignorance is one thing, teaching it is another thing.

As far as telling them, just do. Kids are more perceptive than we think. My son always knew I was "different" and took the BP news with total aplomb. It wasn't news to him. In an ironic twist, it was he who first "diagnosed" me(!) One time, he was leafing through a magazine and there was that ad with the lady pictured one extreme to the other. He said, "That's you." I of course said, "oh no, that's not me, not really". (He must've thought, "yeah, right!") There was one picture where the lady was on the phone carrying on at 3 am. I've never done this. Not at 3 am. That was excuse enough to justify denial for me! Lol.

Just do it. It'll be ok.
  #10  
Old Feb 09, 2011, 12:21 AM
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kitty004567 kitty004567 is offline
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I too was appalled when I first read your message. Ignorance and social stigma are so frustrating sometimes. However, I agree with the general consensus of tell your son. If you need help doing so, ask for it. I just wanted to wish you good luck with all of it.
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  #11  
Old Feb 09, 2011, 12:31 AM
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Trippin2.0 Trippin2.0 is offline
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My daughter is 7, and she knows about my bipolar, (explained in very simple terms that my brain chemicals either overwork or don't work ) she witnessed me in the midst of a very bad depressive episode and is glad that I'm getting help. She knows that it's a private matter due to stereotypes and also understands that mommy's a bit "sensitive" sometimes and that I need alone time to just deal with my emotions...

She's so cute, she even checks my pill box to see if I'm med compliant

On a side note, I got the encouragement here on PC to tell her, it's been one of my best mommy decisions ever. Thanks guys

finonaey, children are way more resilient than we give them credit for, and they're extremely intelligent too. your kids won't love you any less, believe me.
oh and

protecting my kidsto PC, hope you make lotsa great friends here♥
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  #12  
Old Feb 09, 2011, 07:00 AM
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yagalada yagalada is offline
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I agree that on some level your daughter knows already. Kids are very intuitive, and they are many times far less judgmental than adults about these things.

I would definitely arrange a meeting with the teacher, and you may want to include the principal as well. Maybe bring some info from NAMI or NIMH to show her how her ignorance is flat out wrong and damaging.
  #13  
Old Feb 09, 2011, 09:39 AM
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BNLsMOM BNLsMOM is offline
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i explained it in very simple terms to my 8 year old when I had to go to the hospital. The three year old only knows that I sometimes get a boo boo on my brain and I have to go to the doctor to get it fixed. I will sit them down when they are old enough and tell them flat out what it is and what it means for us as a family. My kids actually handle my mood swings better than I do. They are really great.
  #14  
Old Feb 09, 2011, 09:40 AM
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finonaey finonaey is offline
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thanks everybody i am taking your words and using them positively i have a appt with the princpal and i hop she handles the situation. She will talk to the teacher and not let it known what student it came from. at least that is what she told me on the phone. and i got all kinds of pamplets from t doc to give her for the teacher. hope it works thanks
  #15  
Old Feb 09, 2011, 01:19 PM
Anonymous45023
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Good for you for setting up an appt., finonaey! If you'd like, feel free to reference my case. BP (II). I had one parking ticket nearly 30 years ago. (nearly 25 years unmedicated no less.) That's it. I can virtually guarantee that this teacher cannot even claim that! (She can stick that in her pipe and smoke it! HA!)

(You can leave out the part that I've been unbelievably lucky (read: miraculously so... oh let me count the times...) and have a nearly pathological fear of getting in trouble --a majorly therapy-worthy topic in itself).

Best of luck in your meeting and let us know how it goes, ok?
  #16  
Old Feb 09, 2011, 08:00 PM
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mgran mgran is offline
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Hey there! I'm really proud of your decision, and taking matters into your own hands by meeting with the head teacher. Well done you. Tell us how it goes.
  #17  
Old Feb 09, 2011, 08:56 PM
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kitty004567 kitty004567 is offline
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I'm glad to hear you set up the appt and I hope everything goes smoothly. Let us know
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  #18  
Old Feb 10, 2011, 10:27 AM
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finonaey finonaey is offline
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well i saw the princapal and everything went well. she is going to speak to the teacher and give her all the pamphlets that i took in so she can use them in the classroom. she apoligised for the commet that the teacher made. I felt much better when i left so that was good. thanks everybody for tour support it helped me get the courage to go and do something about it and that is so unlike me normally i just crawl in my hole. thanks
  #19  
Old Feb 10, 2011, 04:59 PM
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mgran mgran is offline
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YAY!!! Good on you... doesn't it feel great when something you dreaded turns out to be empowering instead.
  #20  
Old Feb 10, 2011, 07:10 PM
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I'm so glad everything went well And congratulations on being proactive!
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  #21  
Old Feb 14, 2011, 11:46 AM
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LostSavant LostSavant is offline
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I don't know how you would handle this, I have never hid anything from our son (he is now 22) and he turned out to be a wonderful adult. But have been ill for many years and my son had to help my husband take care of me. Blessings to you.
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