[IdoubtIT]

I was wondering how many folks had the same trouble I have. I've been with the same pdoc for almost four years. He is firmly in the camp that I am bipolar 1. He claims to be very conservative when making the diagnosis.

I know I have more than depression. I have terrific mood instability and have had brief mixed episodes and longer episodes that seem more hypomanic compared to what writers on this forum describe as their manic episodes. Never been psychotic, thought I was god, or required the hospital. Nobody else in my family is known to be bipolar and when I have told friends from my past about the diagnosis, they sometimes act surprised.

I have so much trouble believing the diagnosis, it feeds into my med non compliance. How many of you out there live with the diagnosis, perhaps even identify yourself as having it to others, but deep down really not believe it? Do you think it is better to accept something that might not be perfectly true to have peace with yourself, or to rally against it?

Cheers-

[venusss]

well, I doubt it often. I am as non-complaint as non-complaint goes (my treatment considers of supplements and herbs). I sometimes like to think that I am just human and that I just feel confused about this weird world.

Doesn't matter. In the end,, I need to deal with myself, my feeling, and try to make the best of my life. Labels will not help me with that.

[mgran]

I've only been diagnosed a bit over six months, and I'm still at that stage where I'm feeling really grateful that I've had some treatment that helps. But there is a little part of me that thinks, "maybe I was just desperate to find a name for it... maybe I was just depressed, or stressed..." Then I consider my symptoms over the years, and realise there's more to it than that.

But I do know what you mean.

[Yoda]

It was about six years after I was diagnosed and received social security disability for my mental illness that I accepted that I was bipolar. For all those years I thought that I only had PTSD and that my pdoc was doing me a 'favor' by saying I had bipolar to help me get disability.

[PT52]

Originally Posted by IdoubtIT

I was wondering how many folks had the same trouble I have. I've been with the same pdoc for almost four years. He is firmly in the camp that I am bipolar 1. He claims to be very conservative when making the diagnosis.

I know I have more than depression. I have terrific mood instability and have had brief mixed episodes and longer episodes that seem more hypomanic compared to what writers on this forum describe as their manic episodes. Never been psychotic, thought I was god, or required the hospital. Nobody else in my family is known to be bipolar and when I have told friends from my past about the diagnosis, they sometimes act surprised.

I have so much trouble believing the diagnosis, it feeds into my med non compliance. How many of you out there live with the diagnosis, perhaps even identify yourself as having it to others, but deep down really not believe it? Do you think it is better to accept something that might not be perfectly true to have peace with yourself, or to rally against it?

Cheers-

Can you get another opinion? Do the meds cause worse problems or are you not taking them just because you don't agree with the diagnosis? One thing you can do is get more information about what constitutes BP I or BP II. A good website is psycheducation.org. Then you can go to your next appointment armed with some information.
Also, diagnosis isn't always an exact science; I went from depression/anxiety disorder diagnosis to depression/anxiety/ADD to BP II to BP II/anxiety. At least it doesn't get boring!

[kitty004567]

I fought long and hard for my diagnosis. If my ex-pdoc had believed me when I first saw him at 17, walked into his office, sat down and told him I had bipolar disorder...well, can't change that now. But perhaps my life would have taken a very different course. (I wasn't diagnosed until I was 23 and hospitalized myself. Even then he didn't believe me so I fired him.) So yes, I believe the diagnosis.

[cautious hope]

Every now and then I call my shrink and ask her if she thinks I'm making this up to get attention, or get out of doing things. She always assures me that I am actully sick and these musings are wishful thinking.
I know it's true from all my symptoms and the pain I carry with me and my fears of leaving my home. Really screwing up with SSD applications.

[cautious hope]

Originally Posted by IdoubtIT

I was wondering how many folks had the same trouble I have. I've been with the same pdoc for almost four years. He is firmly in the camp that I am bipolar 1. He claims to be very conservative when making the diagnosis.

I know I have more than depression. I have terrific mood instability and have had brief mixed episodes and longer episodes that seem more hypomanic compared to what writers on this forum describe as their manic episodes. Never been psychotic, thought I was god, or required the hospital. Nobody else in my family is known to be bipolar and when I have told friends from my past about the diagnosis, they sometimes act surprised.

I have so much trouble believing the diagnosis, it feeds into my med non compliance. How many of you out there live with the diagnosis, perhaps even identify yourself as having it to others, but deep down really not believe it? Do you think it is better to accept something that might not be perfectly true to have peace with yourself, or to rally against it?

Cheers-

Maybe you could be Cptsd or borderline. Take a look around and see if they fit what you suffer with. If your Pdoc still insists, maybe it's time for a second opinion. Incidently, my pdoc prescribes according to what my T says is wrong with me. She diagnoses, he prescribes.

[Mac Murphy]

Your diagnosis may be off and that happens, especially if you perhaps haven't been totally honest with your pdoc. If you are not compliant with meds that can only make things worse. I went non compliant a few times when things weren't working for me but then I changed docs if my current doc wasn't open to exploring new options. I was diagnosed for the first time 9 years ago but it took almost 8 years for the proper diagnosis and proper medications. They call it a spectrum disorder for a reason because there are a lot of different flavors and maybe you need a new pdoc to explore it with you again. Don't get discouraged and quit meds...just find a pdoc who will proactively work with you to find the right diagnosis and the right treatment.

[CesarioRose]

Sometimes I doubt it, especially when drunk. But when I come to my senses, I know deep down I have this illness. I have seen my self fly off the mark when hypo-manic, and I have seen my self severely depressed and wishing, and very often inviting death into my life.

Althought even when "normal" have I doubted I am bi polar. But it always comes crashing down into reality when I have the ever so frequent depressed episode. Sometimes I wish my mind would go into mania more then it goes into depression. I seem to phase into normality, and depression, and rarely into hypomania. I spend more of my time depressed... sometimes I wished i was psychotic manic just so i had an excuse, and people would believe i was truely diseased, and broken jus to garner more attention and sympathy. I guess that goes hand in hand with the depression and the loneliness.

[laur88]

If only there was a blood test or something that would clearly show if we have the right diagnosis... Maybe one day.

[Ryask]

It's a good question...and i can relate. It has been less then a year since diagnosed...and...of course at first i didn't believe it at all...now it changes from one day to the next. I struggle with med compliance aswell, partially because i feel better...and so i go off them. Only to discover i am not better at all. I dont know if it's bi-polar...i mean...when i am off medications bad things happen and i cry and get angry and want to isolate myself...but when i am on medications i just feel like oh whatever who cares.With the who cares additude though comes an inability to feel any real emotions. Accept anger. I guess when it comes down to it...i can track my highs and lows basically from my teen years...but hell..maybe everyone else can too.

[Tsunamisurfer]

Yep, I can relate.
When I am high or normal for a while, all memories of the chaos seem like a hazy fairytale and I begin to wonder if I really have bipolar - if it is a real illness.
But I rapid cycle, so it isn't long before I get jerked back to reality and renew my dedication to my exercise, diet and meds. The danger of abandoning meds lies in long cycles where everything seems fine and memories of bad times fizzle out.

[Lostime]

Originally Posted by laur88

If only there was a blood test or something that would clearly show if we have the right diagnosis... Maybe one day.

It is not that far off if you google "gene markers bipolar".

I always knew something was wrong but bipolar was just "not me" but when I started looking closer at my doctors diagnoses it wa

[yagalada]

I've only recently come to terms with it. I was first diagnosed bipolar at 13 or 14, I don;t remember how I felt about the d/o. I was on lithium and a tricyclic until 18 when I went away to school and distanced myself from all that. I had definite swings of depression and mania but I never thought that I may really have a mental illness. I knew I had ptsd so I blamed my symptoms on that.

It wasnt until I tried committing suicide that I got hospitalized at 27. I'm 32 now and those last 5 years I went from acceptance to denial repeatedly. I think over the past summer has been my first real period of stability, and since I was off meds I felt like I didnt have bipolar at all. BUT, i think that because I had that period of stability, it makes me realize that what I'm going through at the present moment symptomatic of bipolar disorder.

I think that acceptance of mental illness is a process, just as adapting to life with having these illnesses manifested is a process. It is so much harder that there are no concrete tests that say YES or NO, a person has specifically bipolar, or anxiety, or depression, or schizophrenia.

[Moose72]

I am sure I'm bp1. Psychosis or mixed episodes or mood swings where I sob for no reason out of thecblurle....

Watch your patters. Learn to realize when an episode is coming on

[venusss]

Originally Posted by Lostime

It is not that far off if you google "gene markers bipolar".

I always knew something was wrong but bipolar was just "not me" but when I started looking closer at my doctors diagnoses it wa

it is still pretty far off. You cannot measure psyche and thank gods for that.

[Lostime]

Originally Posted by VenusHalley

it is still pretty far off. You cannot measure psyche and thank gods for that.

The question is!
Is it only in the psyche or is the psyche being influenced by external factors which let us behave, respond, function the way we do. Do our minds physically differ from a non- bipolar person, a lot of research is pointing this way.

If their is a medication "a pill" for it, it can't only be in the psyche it must have a physical origin we just have to find.

[Vita]

Definitely a physical disorder. Neurocience can track it more and more clearly.

Me bipolar? One reason it took so long before seeking help, is that depressive episodes disappeared in a void in the past. Not a problem.
Hypomania was not a problem either.
Now my last depression has entered the void, and I am annoyed by the slight ataxia, side effect from Lamictal. I do not want to have it.

I was the one to discover my problems and identify it as bipilar2. The psychiatrist confirmed it and gave me meds. Sort of can't discard it all.

[venusss]

Originally Posted by Lostime

The question is!
Is it only in the psyche or is the psyche being influenced by external factors which let us behave, respond, function the way we do. Do our minds physically differ from a non- bipolar person, a lot of research is pointing this way.

If their is a medication "a pill" for it, it can't only be in the psyche it must have a physical origin we just have to find.

Is there a medication for it because there is a physical cause... or because we believe there is one?

There was exorcism for demon possesion... does existence of exorcism proof such possesion? And if we go to medicinal field... blood letting and leeches make me weary of medicine in general.

Are our minds bunch of chemical reactions that can be fixed by pill? Or is it because of our past experience that certain cognitive distortions exist?

For me the label does not matter. Well being and living my life is what matters to me. Am working on that aspect.

[cautious hope]

If you are drinking, perhaps it's changed your reaction to the meds. I know it would be true for me and my meds.

[Lostime]

Originally Posted by VenusHalley

Is there a medication for it because there is a physical cause... or because we believe there is one?

I'm not a doctor but I do know my medication helps and it is not all just in the mind!lol

There was exorcism for demon possesion... does existence of exorcism proof such possesion?

Yes! Why not.

Are our minds bunch of chemical reactions that can be fixed by pill?

Yes!

Or is it because of our past experience that certain cognitive distortions exist?

The way we think are very important, but when you sit at you desk and start to cry and can't explain why you feel that way how can that be a part of the way you think. "You don't have a reason to be sad but you are sad". It is a feeling not driven by any emotion or thought.

[venusss]

I just think that human mind is much more complicated. Life cannot be fixed by a pill. It would be nice if it would be possible, but it reality, it ain't so.

With time one can learn to separate their irrational thoughts from themselves. One can alter their thoughts (you can chose to think about something... it is much harder to chose NOT to think about something).

[Lostime]

I do agree "Life cannot be fixed by a pill." but it can help to make life more bearable. "To have a life"

Yes CBT was a life saver for me and have helped me to change the way I think and handle myself everyday but it can't always help or explain why I feel a certain way for no reason.

[BNLsMOM]

I have worked really hard to accept it, but I wish it were a more exact science. I have had symptoms that can suggest other disorders as well as bipolar and I really feel like I want to know exactly what is going on with me, but for now I am working with the bipolar diagnosis.