"Subject" Oh, I don't know, why does everthing have to have a "subject"

Why do things, thoughts, feelings, dreams etc...have to be labeled a "subject"? I for one have no subject to give you.
I'm probably sounding rather pessimistic, but truly, I'm not. I was just staring at the computer screen and spent about 10 minutes trying to figure out my "subject". LOL.

Anyway, it's after three in the morning, I'v heen up since 12:30am. It's raining and I love that. Something about the rain comforts me, calms me, relaxes me (all evidence to the contrary at this particular moment, lol). Seriously, I work from 7am to 3:30, it's a very physical job, and it wipes me out at the end of the day. I don't mean to, but sometimes I fall asleep at 6p. I'm not gonna ramble on about my job except to say, it helps greatly with the bp ups and downs. When I'm done at the end of the day, the physical aspects keep me from circling the drain. And then when I'm manic...I get to expend that boundless energy into something productive.
(It also helps that I've lost 30 lbs since I got this job a few months ago, not that I was fat persay, it was just the job and all it entails, go figure! [no pun intended]

Before my "hiatus" from PC I was totally plugged in here. I spent hours at a time answering posts, creating new threads, PMing back and forth with many of the personalites I had found here. By that, I mean...a diverse group of wonderful ppl. I had to give up my ISP for a while because I had to do some financial crunching...and while this place felt like a necessity to me. I made the decision that food and water were just a little more necessary.

I couldn't wait to get back here. But as with all things in life...time changes everything. This is not the PC I knew and experienced. It's not bad, just different and I guess I thought I could just pick up where I left off, which is rather selfish of me to think that everyones life would come to a standstill 'til I got back. Pretty stupid, huh?
So, here I am, back to the beginning. This seems to happen a lot in my life. Everything about my life always ends up back at the beginning. Kind of a distorted version of the movie "Groundhogs Day". I keep waking up and I'm back to the beginning. Hmmmmmm, as I write this out a thought occurs to me...just like in the movie, he had to keep living the same day over and over and over and over and over until he got it right, well, I don't know if I like the word "right". What I mean is, he kept reliving the same day until he exhausted every one of his selfish and heartless ways. He became a better man....I need to become a better woman. There are so many things about me, parts of me, ways about me that I need to make the choices to change into the woman I truly wan't to be. Apparently I keep screwing it all up, and haven't become that person I know I can be. The best quote I can come up with at this time is, "I'm not where I need to be, but thank God, I'm not where I use to be". That's progress, right?

Well, I think I've taken up enough of your time. I just needed to "voice" some of my thoughts and feelings.The only other thing I have to say is, I hope I can find at least a single thread of what I had here before.

So, tell me this....,,,,,,
What's the "subject"?

lol.....i think that the subject is YOU...and a very interesting person indeed!......and although you and i did not have alot of communication when you were here before....i was very happy to see that you had returned as i find you to be intelligent, witty, compassionate and an awesome woman........

Welcome back. I know it's different around here now, but I hope you can get into it again.

TgrsPurr,

It's good to have you back! I can't wait to hear more from you!

Things have changed, yes. However, one thing hasn't...PC is here for YOU.

Have a great day!

kd

i've changed. i'm better. you're part of the reason that i'm better. love, pat

Hi TgrsPurr. I'm glad you're back!

Yup the subject is "you". glad to meet you. I remember seeing your name but no new posts from you so figured you were taking a break. Yes I've noticed since I have been here that PC continues to change. As much as I hate change coming to an on line support group where the people are committed to moving forwards is a special thing. There is nothing that says everyone has to move forwards or move all at the same pace its just something that each of us has to decide for ourselves. Sometimes people do need to take time staying in the same place and sometimes people get zapped back to the beginning. Thats the healing process. a therapist once told me when I kept finding myself zapped back to the beginning - for some people progress is two step forwards and three back and the reason for this is some how they skipped over something important so they needed to go back and land on that step and process it before jumping two steps forwards again. Hang in there, you will get there. not at my pace but at yours.

Hang in there kitty, we're still here and waiting for more, we moved to a 9 room house now and still unpacking
Love ya
Ang

The subject is "Unrequited Love for Bill Murray." In all seriousness, though, despite the fact that it's presented as a kind of purgatory in "Groundhog Day," I sometime think, "What I wouldn't give for an endless round of do-overs to make up for the many problems my bp disorder-inspired behaviors (both manic and depressive) have caused myself and those around me over the years." Ta. Cheshire Cat

Cat, Never...and I mean NEVER regret who and what you are. It doesn't have to define us, but it certainly can make us for interesting characters in this sometimes mundane world. And YOU of all ppl are the farthest from mundane than any other friend, virtual or not, that I've ever had the pleasure of knowing.
TgrsPurr, xo.

Oi! You've made me blush, Tgrs. So I suppose if you were playing Alice to my Cheshire Cat, you'd see a hovering grin bracketed by two splotches of floating red. Cheshire Cat