[Miss Laura]

Hey guys,

OK I wrote a post earlier on being a recluse and if anyone else had been told this or are a recluse for one reason or another.

Now I have had a conversation with my friend and she has said I push people away and isolate myself and she doesn't understand why. My other friend said I don't answer my phone if people call I only answer text messages.

So they all want to know why I don't socialise, communicate what is wrong with me etc etc.... I don't know either that's the problem. I really don't know. I have thought about it and I have no idea.

I know I don't have any motivation, no energy, and yes I do want bed days. They know I have went into depression and have asked I keep them all up to date about what is going on with me.

Tonight my friend and I were texting and she asked if I was ok? I said I was and not to worry. She said she does worry though and she is worried about me at the moment. I have said I am fine at the moment and not to worry. She has made me promise her I will tell her EVERYTHING... good or bad.

Does anyone else tend to push people away?

I was speaking to my Sister and she said I tell my family nothing either and that I keep myself to myself most of the time.... I live with my folks and sister btw

I have hurt myself and thought of "getting away" but not full blown and my friends don't know and I don't know if I will tell them as I want them to just be ok with me not worrying.... I know its a contradictory from the above but I just don't want to scare anyone away if that makes sense??

[Dave255]

I am introverted and I don't like to talk to people about my mood stuff, unless it becomes important. And I don't want them to worry.

If people get depressed the urge can get stronger, in part due to lost energy.

[Miss Laura]

Thanks Dave, I don't like talking face to face with people. I feel really anxious and sometimes upset esp when talking about bipolar, mania or depression. I am better through email or text. But then mostly I don't want to talk about me as I feel I burden people.I just don't know what to think or do anymore

[Kymaro]

Yes, Miss Laura, it does sound familar. I too, push people away when I think I'm going to hurt them. I will protect all others at the cost of my own. Everyone needs a private place. Just be carefull about getting lost in there.

[Miss Laura]

Thanks Kymaro,

Any tips on how not to do this? I really need to talk to them but really don't want to, can't do it...

I was out with a friend today and mentioned some stuff but nothing major... just talked about work, psych and what my gp wrote in my report

Worrying that I am gonna lose them. I had a dream that my current best friend and my ex best friend who do not know each other were discussing me and my ex best friend was sad I was getting worse??????? Then I had a dream about smashing a mirror???? Its bizzare

[Kymaro]

You really don't have to. If you feel there is a risk, heed the warning. There's nothing saying you have to tell them. As long as you have a stable environement to express what you need expressed, (therapy, doctors, PC) then telling them is only an option not a nessecity. You don't have to go all out and say "HEY! Look at me". That would scare anyone. Sometimes, when your friends do know, you get embarassed or feel you dont deserve their friendship. And the friendship falls apart. The fear of loosing friends is a terrible feeling. If you want them to know, Give just enough to smooth that feeling you have to tell them, but enough you still feel you have your privacy. Only you know where that line stands. Unfortantly if you haven't learned where that line is yet, you will soon enough, but maybe not before some damage is done. Just make sure your willing to pay the price.

[Miss Laura]

I have let 3 friends in...

I have known them all for more than 2 years and I feel I can trust them. But for me its the embarrassment factor.... I am owing up to being ill.... owing up to needing their help and support at the moment. I have always been the one who was fine and never was ill (so we all thought) and now I am just ill all the time even when I think I am fine I am'nt.

I want them to know somethings.... but not everything and they don't know half the stuff I think they should know. I want to feel safe and I know I can be with them but when I go to tell them I chicken out. I feel all anxious and nervous and freeze.

Ny ex friend couldn't handle my depression/manic episodes this was before we knew I had Bipolar. She was being leaned on too much and couldn't cope. I have apologised for this as I now know that was wrong for me to expect her to be able to handle it all. I just don't want the same to happen?? Does this all make sense??

I feel a bit Manic and mixed up

[MissMay1977]

I prefer to email, im or text rather than talk on the phone. I find that when I am really upset about something or when things are really bad ( like I am depressed) I isolate myself and don't answer the phone for my friends, etc. I think what we have to do is practice opposite action when it comes to this and act opposite of how we feel. Maybe you could start out by telling each of your friends a little something about your day each day.That could be a start and could open up the door to more in depth conversation. Good luck!

[Miss Laura]

Thank you MissMay1977,

I have been able to let them in a bit more last night for example. I was VERY manic and they really helped me... gave me different ways to cope and info on what to think about and how to deal with the situation and I was able to get myself out of the situation. Although I was manic all night and into this morning

[OneRiffTooMany]

I was popular in high school, but my mental health,drug use,relocation and misdiagnosis have had a severe impact on my ability to socialize and make friend. Up until 3 years ago when i was using drugs there was obviously no need to have much in common with the people i asscociated with. i have noticed through fb and other social media that nearly all of the people i went to school with have stayed close knit, i spose in a way being messed up on drugs i laughed at this and saw it as childish and i was already on my way to blocking past friends from my life and making sure they wouldnt return. in some ways i dont regret what i have done but on the other hand being a reformed drug user it is sooo hard for me to make new friends, because of my back injury i cant play sport and i think that would be the easiest way. the pub and club scene is a joke and does not interest me. and i found people at a church very annoying.
my wife is very supportive and keeps telling me im paranoid when i make assumptions of how people see me and wether they enjoy my company.
im taking the attitude thats theres no rush, ive only been seperated from the drug crowd three years and i cant expect to just become the person i was a decade ago in a click of the finger.
my problem is plain paranoia lol
but im working on it with the support of my caring wife

[Miss Laura]

Hey OneRiffTooMany,

Thank you for your post....

I am thankful I have friends and I am thankful they have not turned against me no matter how hard I have made it for them to be around me.

They know me and they have seen me when I am down and up and weird and well bipolar. They haven't been phased by it at all.