[disguise123]

so my man is cranky with me. Why am i so moody, why is the house a mess, when are you going to stop letting the kids get away with what ever they want (this one annoys me because its not true).
Blah.
Ever feel like the second you start to get on top of a few little things that thats the moment they decide to heap guilt upon you????????

[Amoslass]

My partner doesn't even seem to notice at all. I don't get the guilt trip thing from her. Actually, that would be hypocritical. She's lazy and doesn't do any housework. Thus the place is a mess and it is slowly driving me into a deeper depression because a) my disability makes housework take 3 times as long and I can't do much at a time and b) when I'm depressed (as we all know) even a piece of paper lying on the floor can become a mountain we just can't conquer.

I end up feeling guilty anyhow. She's the one bringing in the money. Thing is, our partner's aren't actually THERE to see what our day is really like, are they?

[disguise123]

damn straight! Except for me i work half the week too, while i struggle with the house work he sleeps or watches tv or sleeps in front of the tv.
Or if he has energy he likes to do things (but not with me)
I know im not perfect i try though and i dont mind that hes not perfect , i apreciate all he does but i dont want to be made to feel bad over the things i dont achieve!
Poor us.

[Amoslass]

Exactly! I have the same thing - we never do couple things. She sits chatting to people on Twitter and I'll roam around the house being a freak. I never know how her day has gone (I ask and get a "yeah, alright", mostly) and she never enquires about mine. I'm trying to find work I can do, as well as my studies, and my artwork, but no support there either.
I think I'm living with a brick wall.

[sugahorse1]

it took my boyfriend a long time to learn. I also had to understand that we cannot just tell them we've had a bad day; be upfront and honest that we are depressed. And tell them what we need. Give them literature to read. Even take them with you to your pdoc or T visit. If they still don't get it or start caring, it sounds like there's an underlying relationship issue.

[disguise123]

yeah, you are right sugahorse.
It does not help that i wont/ cant tell him how bad it is.
And that i gave up on my gp, so there is noone to explain it to him.
He trys, but today he was frustrated (again) so im blowing off steam here!

[disguise123]

Originally Posted by Amoslass

Exactly! I have the same thing - we never do couple things. She sits chatting to people on Twitter and I'll roam around the house being a freak. I never know how her day has gone (I ask and get a "yeah, alright", mostly) and she never enquires about mine. I'm trying to find work I can do, as well as my studies, and my artwork, but no support there either.
I think I'm living with a brick wall.

Hmmm not fair is it honey? (((hugs)))

[Confusedinomicon]

My boyfriend is awesome. He doesn't understand how I am feeling but he is always willing to help me talk through my issues. I feel really good because we're both lazy, yet yesterday he prompted taking out the trash and got me to go along. I really dislike cleaning, but it was a good experience for me. I totally agree with sugahorse though, it's important to talk to them. Even writing down your feelings and giving it to them so you don't have to say it if it's hard.

((hugss))

[codeWeasel]

Mine is with me when I am in a "normal" mood. As soon as I start moving outside of the boundries defined as "normal", she pulls away physically and emotionally. This of course makes controlling my moods even harder. This pulling away happens almost immediatly when my mood starts to slide.

Once I am back in the "normal" zone, it takes weeks for her to come back to where the relationship feels normal. (At least as normal as it gets these days. I haven't felt secure in the relationship in several years).

Because of this, I simply don't feel comfortable discussing my mood with her. She is one of these people that doesn't want to hear bad news of any kind lest it tarnish her ever-bubbly mood.

When I was diagnosed, she pledged to "Be with me no matter what" so we can get through this, but I don't think there is ever a through. It never really goes away. BTW, we were married for 18 years when I was diagnosed 2 years ago, so she has spent a lot of time with me undiagnosed and untreated.

[mgran]

Oh, I'm sorry... it sounds like everyone has complicated issues with their partners. My husband died a few years ago, and even though I didn't have a diagnoses then he looked after me... I'm pretty sure he's the one who kept me out of hospital. He didn't understand what was wrong with me (no diagnoses, so no help for either of us) but he loved me enough to listen to my crazy, and love me anyway. I'm never going to meet anyone like him again.

Anyway... yes, I know what you mean about days when picking up paper and putting it in the bin is too much. I still feel a sense of achievement when I manage to put the bin out on time. It's hard for people on the "outside" to realise how hard things are for us when we're ill. All we can do is tell them as best we can, and hope that they will meet us half way. Sorry everyone that it's so difficult. I didn't realise how much I was blessed with my husband when he was here.

[MissMay1977]

I am not in a relationship right now but I wanted to comment on the housework. I often fall behind in my housework and it can contribute to my depression. So, I try to do 15 minute cleaning spurts and go from there. It really gives me a sense of mastery which helps with the depression. I agree that many people do not know how hard it is for us to complete simple tasks.