[Joy1010]

I am new here and was looking specifically for some advice for parents. I like the idea of the notes as well - thank you!

My daughter is 22 and was involuntarily admitted to hospital 2 weeks ago due to extremely psychotic behaviour. My daughter and I tend to have a rocky relationship to start with, mainly due to major hostility/resentment over my divorcing her father - we separated almost 15 yrs ago - but this is still a big issue with her. End of last year we got into a big fight over her pot usage (she had supposedly stopped using coke and was using pot instead). She left our home to move in with her father where it is the 'wild west' and she can do what she wants/ when she wants.

I learned through some concerned friends of hers that something was very wrong with her. I went to her dad's place and she was completely out of control. I wont go into all the details but she was extremely psychotic, delusional and there was talk of suicide as well.

She refused to let me take her to Emergency, so I called 911. The police came and took her to Emerg where they admitted her, supposedly for 2 weeks, for assessment. They say although there is possibility her psychosis was drug induced, they also think this could be the onset if bipolar. She was very angry with me and refused my visits at first.

I will mention that approx a year ago she had an 'episode'. At the time I thought it was a nervous breakdown, reacting to a recent death in the family plus I also learned of drug usage - foolishly believe it was a one time thing. She was delusional during this episode as well but not what I would call psychotic.

While currently in hospital she is on anti-psychotics and is doing better, but I can see there is still something wrong. Because she is 22, the doctors tell me very little - only when she allows it. She has told me she doesn't want to take meds and believes she can control her emotions/moods. She believes this past episode is 'normal' for a 22 yr old going through normal ups and downs.

Although she has emotional issues she needs to deal with (divorce of parents) I do believe there is another serious problem here. I don't know enough about drug usage to know if this could be after effects of drug use. I have been reading on bipolar and the description seems to hit the nail on the head. The only symptoms she ever showed as a child was hyper sexuality (only because I learned things recently) and a difficulty in maintaining friendships.

The anger and moodines I saw I aways attributed to her personal challenges/issues growing up in 2 households.

When she is released from hospital - and if she refuses her meds- I believe it will just be a matter of time before there is another episode. I don't know how to help her and the crazy thing is she doesn't really want much to do with me anyway so maybe I should just back off.. but I worry about her so much and even though she's 22, she's still my little girl and I love her.

How long does it take for a person to receive a diagnosis? Is it possible the doctors know already if she has bipolar or not?

[mgran]

Hi there...
I think that the doctors would already have a good idea, if she's been admitted to hospital. In my case it took years, but only because I'm a crafty so and so, and hid my crazy from people as best I could. My family thought I was odd, but didn't know the extent of it, until relatively recently. I'm thirtynine, and schizoaffective. (Similar to bipolar, with some schizophrenic symptoms.)

My relationship with my Dad was very poor for years, partly due to my illness... it's possible that your daughter's acting out is a symptom of her condition. It's also likely that her drug taking is "self medicating", that is, she takes the drugs to manage her moods, rather than just "get high." I think the relationship between drug abuse and bipolar is complicated... it can excacerbate it, but also be caused by it. In my case I drank to shut myself up. Thank God I didn't get onto other drugs... I go psychotic quite easily, and my experience of other drugs, even as "soft" as marijuana scared me away from them quite effectively. Booze was another matter, so I understand how someone can hide in substance abuse to feel normal.

I would say that you are doing the right thing. You love your girl, and always will, just as my Dad loved me, when I was being, quite frankly, a "b!tch" to him. Since I've been medicated we've repaired our relationship, and it's my hope that you and your daughter can do so too. You may have to accept her being a prodigal until she realises herself what she needs to do. I hope you don't have to wait as long as my poor father had to.

[Moose72]

What are your schizo symptoms? I find it difficult to reccobcile psychosis like I have with schizo. I guess true schizo diesnt that the emotional components? So how is there a category between?

[mgran]

Bipolar people tend not to have disordered thinking when their mood is stable. I have psychotic and neurotic thoughts, beliefs and behaviours, even when my mood is stable, and a few other things. Or at least, I did, until they got the meds right.

At which point I felt like I'd woken out of a long nightmare... and found myself thinking, "oh Lord, did I really say/do/think that?" Recovering my sanity was pretty stressful for a while, till I learned to forgive myself.

[BlackPup]

Joy, sorry that you and your daughter are going through this.
Unfortunately I don't have the answers..... Every BPer is different and the journey through diagnosis to treatment is different for us all.
Your daughters doctors may have an idea of what is wrong with her, but an accurate diagnosis and effective treatment needs for her to want to help herself. I think that's the hardest thing about loving someone with mental illness, they need to want to help themselves.
I would suggest that you try to encourage her that things can be better and that the doctors and meds can help life to be better. Encourage her to find out more about whatever diagnosis they come up with and to talk to people who have it.
Let her know that you love her, but set boundaries as to what is acceptable behaviour and what is not, you have to look out for your own health also.
Wishing you and your daughter all the best.

[sanityseeker]

As parents we want to do whatever we can to help are children but as has already been said she will need to decide for herself to ask for help.

Some of us can be very stubborn and very resistant to believing we need help. We had learned to cope in our own ways before knowing what was going on and even though the self medicating isn't very effective and even dangerous we will keep denying the need for help.

There is not much you can do to push her into treatment but in the meantime you can continue to do what you are doing and learn as much as you can about the illness so when she is ready you will also be ready to offer her the support she will need. PC is a good starting place and you can always count on our support.

Hang in there mum. I pray your daughter seeks help sooner than later for everyone's sake. Wishing you well.

[PT52]

Hi Joy, and welcome to BP. So much good advice here already, I hope you will continue to take advantage of the support and resources available here - even if you just feel like venting!

I would add that you might benefit from getting counseling for yourself, particularly with an expert on BP and/or substance abuse. I don't discount the pain and suffering coming from a broken home, but I can say (having been there and back) that many people deal with the same and worse, sometimes incomprehensibly awful situations. Some stay mentally strong, others have some issues, then there are the ones that go off the deep end. I guess my point is that going off the deep end is a pretty definitive sign of mental illness.

As mentioned already, at 22, your daughter has to make her own choices. You can make suggestions, but the hardest part will be if she chooses destructively. There comes a time when you have to love them unconditionally by letting go and hoping they will choose wisely. And be patient. I was a functioning alcoholic for many, many years and was only properly diagnosed at 52. Now with the proper medications and therapy, life is pretty average - which is good for me.

I know this is long already ..one thing I would add and I stress that it's not for everybody. The first thing my therapist told me was that I would need to be on medication the rest of my life. She also told me that medication doesn't fix everything, it just makes it possible to learn the coping skills that will make life much better.

Oh yeah, and forgive yourself, even if you're not sure you need to.

[Joy1010]

Originally Posted by PT52

Hi Joy, and welcome to BP. So much good advice here already, I hope you will continue to take advantage of the support and resources available here - even if you just feel like venting!

I would add that you might benefit from getting counseling for yourself, particularly with an expert on BP and/or substance abuse. I don't discount the pain and suffering coming from a broken home, but I can say (having been there and back) that many people deal with the same and worse, sometimes incomprehensibly awful situations. Some stay mentally strong, others have some issues, then there are the ones that go off the deep end. I guess my point is that going off the deep end is a pretty definitive sign of mental illness.

As mentioned already, at 22, your daughter has to make her own choices. You can make suggestions, but the hardest part will be if she chooses destructively. There comes a time when you have to love them unconditionally by letting go and hoping they will choose wisely. And be patient. I was a functioning alcoholic for many, many years and was only properly diagnosed at 52. Now with the proper medications and therapy, life is pretty average - which is good for me.

I know this is long already ..one thing I would add and I stress that it's not for everybody. The first thing my therapist told me was that I would need to be on medication the rest of my life. She also told me that medication doesn't fix everything, it just makes it possible to learn the coping skills that will make life much better.

Oh yeah, and forgive yourself, even if you're not sure you need to.

Thank you so much. I appreciate this ore than you know.

[PT52]

I was thinking this morning that I was maybe a bit harsh...one of the things I'm working on.
I really do hope it helps; one of the hardest things for a parent to do is let the adult child make their own mistakes. And for me, it's tough knowing that I am accountable for my own actions even if it's the BP causing it; I still have to make amends and not excuses.
I hope your daughter finds her way with your guidance, and I'm sending vibes of peace and strength to both of you.

[Joy1010]

Originally Posted by PT52

I was thinking this morning that I was maybe a bit harsh...one of the things I'm working on.
I really do hope it helps; one of the hardest things for a parent to do is let the adult child make their own mistakes. And for me, it's tough knowing that I am accountable for my own actions even if it's the BP causing it; I still have to make amends and not excuses.
I hope your daughter finds her way with your guidance, and I'm sending vibes of peace and strength to both of you.

No worries PT I didn't take it as harsh. I figure if you are replying you are doing so with good intentions and trying to help... so I appreciate it very much.

[Topher]

Your daughter's attitude, insight and desire to remain well is critical to her recovery. Like many PBs I resisted the diagnosis and medication for years despite multiple hospitalizations. I had an epiphany when my son was born and I was in the state hospital. I vowed to comply with my doctor. Fortunately lithium has kept me level ever since. I applaud you sticking by her and not letting her rejection drive you away. Hopefully her father will find a way to present a united front with you on this problem. As others have said get support for yourself as well. Best of luck to you.

[Ryask]

I have talked about this very subject in great lengths with my health care providers. There is a VERY strong correlation with my quitting drugs and my developing bi-polar. My psychiatrist says that someone may have a predisposition to bi-polar naturally, and drug use especially stimulants (cocaine)can bring it on like gasoline to a fire. I can say this while i was on drugs i did not feel i had bi-polar at all in fact i thought i was fine, i thought i was a normal teenager experimenting with drugs so i think that's normal maybe how she might be feeling too. During the first few years after my drug use i didnt want anything to do with my family either, my mom still called and i hated it...and you know what..now that i'm diagnosed..and on medication and doing well...i really appreciate her calls. I just want to say to you....even if she doesn't seem to want or appreciate you...some day she will..