dissociating, big time

Sorry. I'm dissociating more right now than I ever have in my life (and that's saying something). Very conscious of it, which is weird, but I know I am because I just can't deal with it any other way. On overload. Can't talk about it, but I could really just use some hugs.

((((((((((((((Innerzone)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I don't have any cute graphics to offer, but, I hope you feel better. Hugs to you.

((((((((((((((((((Innerzone)))))))))))))))))) Keeping you in my thoughts grey

Sending lots of hugs and positive thoughts to you.

We have all been to that place where there seems no escape.
The fact that we are here posting our support proves there is.

Hang in there and lots of hugs.

And much love

Hey! I feel for ya. I tended to like my dissociation, but the problem is that means the mood episode is headed foutiut-of-control, including psychosis and mood disregulation.

Thank you so very much everyone...
Not sure if this will make much sense, I'm still...whatever. Will take it slowly. A bit of backstory... I've been under unprecedented/unfamiliar sorts of stressors for months now, and have been seemingly able to manage, if barely. I've dissociated since childhood, but was completely unaware. Didn't know a thing about what dissociation was and had no idea it was occuring. (Often still don't till maybe later.) Only with hindsight has it begun to come clear just how much. Back to current times. Last night got some information that overwhelmed capacity. Received information with calm. It was actually shock and dismay. Shortly returned conversation to normal. I want people to be able to tell me things without fear of my reaction, right? Not to mention needing time to process.

So last night spent till early a.m. completely zoned. Trying to think but too numb to put anything into focus. No crying, no reaction. Just utterly numb. No sense of where I am or what I'm thinking. I'm not here, I'm not anywhere. Completely disoriented. Nothing is real. It just can't be real. Same place today.

Even though I had a psych appt. just yesterday (went well... totally about other things). I just left a msg. today. This is something I never ever do (not by a mile). Why??! I don't want to talk about it! Don't know what to say. Know it would open a whole can of worms where I positively do not want to go. And even if I could, I know what she would say. Something I cannot and will not do. Could say one part why not, no problem. The other part? No way.

(To allay any possible fears... it's not physical, psychological fallout is unintentional and no, I won't do anything.)

Aww, Sending you a really big big hug!! I wish i had great words to try and help, Im sorry, having a bad day here so having trouble finding words but i care and wanted to send you a big hug

((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))

Short update. Earlier post took hours to write. Having a very hard time focusing. My psych person called back. Asked if I needed to come in right away, which was very sweet. Driving? No way. Made sure I had her cell phone #. Going in Monday. She worried that things we talked about earlier that day set it off. Don't think so, but??? I do know when it began. Later and with traumatic info unrelated to childhood stuff. Should I be trying to process? Nothing. Went to sleep several hours middle of day. Then tried reading up, trying to understand, but having zero comprehension of material that wouldn't normally be any problem. Have psych notebook handy for anything that comes through the fog. Everything is slow and unreal. No emotion. I'm not here. Or anywhere. How can I be vaguely aware of non-awareness?! How is this possible???

((((((((((Innerzone))))))))))
Feeling for you!!!
TS

i'm sorry IZ-it sounds like a tough time. I hope you'll be ok until Monday. Don't hesitate to use that phone number, ok?
Pm or mail me any time

Definitely no driving. I've had times when I'm somewhere and don't know how I got there. Not good when driving is involved. I'd say do whatever most grounds you and soothes you. And for me I can also hallucinate at these times so be wary of that and keep the drs # hand and psych ER too.

Thanks, all... Less fog today. Even did a very short drive for a couple easy-going errands on a super familiar route. (Knowing that driving isn't always so do-able, one of my big fears from the start has been that my psych person is about a half hour drive away. Asked awhile back and she said to just call if I couldn't handle it. Good to know.)

Anyways... this appt. is Monday and now I'm all nervous, at a loss and just don't know what to expect(!) I've always held out b/w appts (stupidly at times), and now that I've made this semi-crisis one, I'm afraid of it(!) What on earth do I expect to accomplish from it?! Surely this episode could just sit on the shelves alongside the other swiss cheese till another time.

Guess I'm just afraid. We've never gotten around to this topic specifically, and I just don't know what to expect.