[SunReach]

My racing thoughts have reached a whole new level. At first I'd see them as just thoughts that I 'simply' need to ignore - that actually I have to ignore. Or else. Now they seem to start affecting my reasoning and I get trapped in a maze, and I feel there is a puzzle that needs to be solved to be able to get out!
A whole narrative of myself, my life, what I think, how I think, what I do, how it relates to everything else, to everyone else, how everything is connected otherwise nothing makes sense, mixed with false guilt and anxiety and ultimately the idea of having my own self in my head in a nutshell, and that this nutshell sometimes restricts me, but others it's what I have to listen to, the 'me' that is stronger and pushing on and on, and I am faced with the edge: the fear of neither being able to back down or go on.
What on earth??? Is that still chemistry being off or am I actually insane as a person???

I have been told that what will kill me is the fact that I reflect upon reflection and that I need to 'drop' things. I know I think too much in general, but this is getting ridiculous....And if I was that 'crazy' as a person, would it come and go? Wouldn't I be crazy at all times because this is who I am - crazy?!

I need ice.

[Larfu]

These are symptoms, remember, not the core of who you are. You deserve to have balanced chemistry in your head, and it's not fair that you are suffering. I wish that I could reassure you, to tell you that even though these thoughts are driving you crazy, they are not you, they will not damage you, they will pass, with time. They will recede like the tide. It will take time, and what you need is calm. Try and hold on to this anchor, if you feel lost in your thoughts. You are not a symptom, a symptom happens to you.

[SunReach]

Thank you dear
Pointing this out so clearly does help. I will try to ignore this voice that says it's me and not chemistry...
Distractions, distractions, distractions!

[Kymaro]

I agree with Larfu, but I'd like to add try writing down all these thoughts, even if its just scribbling them down on paper towels. :-) something to remove them from the inside to the outside. Try art - put the thoughts into pictures, no matter what it looks like. I deal with the same kind of stuff. The way I try to cope is thinking "ok this is my mind trying to organize everything (my thoughs, feelings, vision, sounds...etc)" And its just working overtime or "within" my consiousness. It helps alot to write stuff down. I think it help to "get it out of there". Maybe that will help a bit. Who knows....some great art and history has come just these types of symptoms. :-) Albert Einstein for one.

[SunReach]

Yes Kymaro, that's a good idea. Sometimes I do; it's when I get obsessed with the writing or painting itself that it stops being helpful and just adds another dimension to the problem or expands the maze! But I try to keep an eye on that - especially when it comes to essays for uni...Oh the joy for my lecturers! But I'm working on it - I don't want to get lost
And hopefully the drugs will start helping by the end of the month as well...

[mgran]

I hope they'll help... I've had a minor blip this month, not as serious as yours sounds, but still that sort of mixed mania that drives you up the wall. It's not you, not the core of you... it's just your brain, not your mind, if that makes sense. The brain, as a physical organ, has the wrong chemicals buzzing around it at the moment. But in the middle of that you are still you. Hang onto that.

[SunReach]

This makes perfect sense mgran, thank you It's my brain, not my mind!
I might have to stick that in a piece of paper on the wall. And it must go away soon, can't stay for too long, regardless of the meds. Hanging on.

[Tsunamisurfer]

Originally Posted by SadRobot

..it must go away soon, can't stay for too long, regardless of the meds. Hanging on.

These strange intrusive thoughts and experiences can be so riveting and making sense of them or looking for completion of their interconnectedness can be so consuming that it begins to isolate us from other people who cannot relate to us, or we become so preoccupied by it that we lose interest in the rest of the world. Then when we achieve resolution and are ready to engage in normal worldly interests, we find a huge social gap to bridge. My sorry experience, anyway.

Hope you can make sense of it all and find the balance quickly. TS