It's too much...

So you know I don't usually post like this very often, but I have to do this someplace I won't be judged or tossed into a hospital.

My hypomania has now become a very severe depression. One of the worst I have had in six months or so now.

I have had two "events" in the past week that has my T asking if I should go back to the hospital or to partial hospitalization again. I have flat-out refused to do that. I'm trying to get through grad school and time out for that is just going to cause me to lose this semester. No way.

I am using my coping skills. I am seeing T a lot. Too much, if you ask me. Getting sick of the sight of him. My husband is doing what he can as well.
I don't see pdoc for a few more weeks. He has no sooner openings.

I'm doing all the right things, but it hurts so much. I don't understand. I still have trouble accepting that I am bipolar and that sometimes the moods just suck for no particular reason.

I am so so so sorry you are going through this. It does sound like you are using good coping skills but sometimes it is just too much. Hope you can continue reaching out to those around you until this passes.

Lady,
I indulge in the fantasy I don't have bipolar,too...especially when hypomanic. Too bad we crash sooner or later and reality comes flooding in. I consider the hypomania as the reward I get for surviving depression.

I agree, avoid the hospital and OP for as long as possible. You have too much to lose and you know this depression is going to lift sooner or later. Use the little energy you can muster to manage schoolwork. You have two goals for each day: take a shower and do your classwork...the house, etc. will all be waiting for you when you feel better. I say sleep and eat as much or as little as you want as long as you're meeting those two goals.

You have been managing everything well so far...the hypomania really didn't last long enough for you to have taken advantage of it to get caught up with school...your determination kept you going.

We can push our way through these depressions. You can do it...how many times have you felt like this and been able to function, even if you feel like you're in a fog? We are strong, you are a survivor.

Lady,

Congratulations on reaching out instead of curling up! You may not see it at the moment, but you ARE coping. You're coping by posting, by tapping into the resources here and in your own life. That's really hard to do when you're depressed, but you're doing it.

I share your fruxtration over being unable to access your healthcare profs in a timely way. That is such a difficult part of our current system.

I wish you peace and patience. You already have my admiration.

I agree- reaching out here and sharing the load is a big help; for me anyway.
I do think you need to keep the hospital as an option in the back of your mind. I've been in the depth of depression and done some stupid things- I should have been in hospital.
I'm sorry your pdoc cannot see you earlier. Maybe stress the fact that this really is an emergency. Or can your T get hold of him and explain the situation?

Hang in there- we're here for you, and care for you lots. Xx

((((((((((ladyjrnlist))))))))))

I am glad you are determined to ride right through... you'll feel accomplished when it's all over. Try to keep your future in mind and stay focused... don't get swayed.

For now work on what you need to do when you must and relax when you can. Indulge yourself a bit.