I may be bipolar and could use some support

I was at my counseling session today, and we were talking about stuff, and about how I have a lot of ups and downs, and while they were there before I was on medication, all the SSRIs I've recently been on have greatly exacerbated this...and we were talking about this week and how I was all go-go-go, not sleeping but not tired, irritable etc...until last night when I quick-flipped and crashed. And my counselor also mentioned how after the last time we met she had been thinking about things...and she thinks that I may be bipolar.

At first I was kind of like, yeah, whatever...but now that I've had some time for it to sink in, I'm honestly pretty upset. I know that I have no real reason to be upset...bipolar doesn't equal crazy, I'm already in therapy, and have been on meds...but bipolar is much more severe than my previous diagnoses of GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) and OCD. I think part of the reason I'm so upset is that I don't want to tell my parents. I know that they'll brush it off, say it couldn't possibly be true and that I'm overreacting. This will lead to a fight, and I'm in no mood for that at all right now.

It's interesting too though, because my friend said to me not too long ago that he thinks I'm bipolar (apparently he's noticed my mood swings...but he is bipolar himself, so it might be something that he's more in tune with than most)...when he said that, I didn't care and was just like, okay, whatever...but now that a professional has said the same thing, I;m thinking that maybe there's truth in it.

I have an appointment with a psychiatrist scheduled for April 15th which is pretty far away, and actually, was only to try and get sorted out some meds for my anxiety...but now I guess there's this to talk about as well. I'm not sure if I should try and find someone who I could see sooner though. It would obviously be good, but the guy I have an appointment with is very highly recommended by everyone at my school, and by my friend (he's the one who gave me the name and number in the first place actually)...

Ugh.

I just don't even want to deal with any of this!

I'm in the same boat. I'm not currently on any medications or therapy or anything, but I think I may have some form of a psych disorder and am afraid to talk to my parents. It makes me sound hypocrytical, but you should really talk to them. They're there to help you. If not them, talk to another trusted adult. A teacher, school councelor, your therapist, a neighbor, a priest/rabbi/etc (if you're religious). These people care about you and are here to help. If you keep these kinds of things all bottled up, it make only turn out to be worse in the end. If you end up being bipolar, it would ultimately be better to start treatment now rather than later. If you ever want to talk, feel free to inbox me or whatever.

Lots of love and best of luck!

*hugs*

I'm going through something similar to what you're talking about. I'm going for my assessment on the 23rd, I'm really nervous! Don't really have much to contribute, just sending you my good wishes and letting you know you're not alone in this.

its gonna be ok
Xx
Hopefully at the appointment you will get some answers and maybe some medication to level out ur anxiety and mood swings. Are u doing a daily mood tracker? Could be handy to take to the appointment
.
Best of luck.

Thanks guys.

rapidcycla - I am using a daily mood tracker...have been for about 2 weeks now.

good work.
Dont worry too much ok.' honestly getting the label wont do u any harm (if thats what happens) what is most important is identifying the areas of concern so u can get help with them

I think it's a Good Thing To Know, rather than not! As for what others think -
They are not the ones who are going to maintenance the condition. It is a roller coaster I've been riding for years. Doesn't get boring
P.S. You are Correct Bipolar Does NOT MEAN your Crazy!
I used to tell my old therapist, rather comment and say "am I crazy". She told me in life most people who think they Are - Aren't. And those that think they Aren't - Are! It's a good thing.

Hello there,

I have been diagnozed with bipolar disorder 2 years ago, and Im still getting to know how to live with a disorder like this. It can be horrible and it can be a very good thing. It sounds strange, I know, but I have learned so many things from this experience and I have grown a lot. Its very challenging dealing with a disorder like this, but it brings a lot of good things with it aswell. You really learn who your real friends are, who is there for you no matter what, you see and understand the world in a different way, you get to know yourself good and you are absolutely not alone. A lot of people have this desease and they are here to support you.

Im studying psychology myself, and someday Ill be a psychologist helping people who are in the same situation as I am. It is possible to live a good and happy life with this desease. You just have to stay strong, listen to your psychiatrist and think positive. When this is hard, you have your friends or family there to help you through it. Im sorry for my bad english, but I hope you got the point.

Good luck with your appointment! I have an exam that day, and I hope it will be a good day for us both.

Welcome singdance. I was scared too when I was first diagnosed, but I think the most important thing is the correct treatment rather than the diagnosis. I would suggest keeping your appointment with the pdoc, but if you find the symptoms are getting worse let your therapist know and you may need to see a GP to have your meds changed/adjusted.

I agree that the correct treatment is more important than the diagnosis...but still. Being told that you might be bipolar is...well, not something you want to hear.

I've completely given up on GPs...so I have to wait for the pdoc appointment. Unfortunately, it's 4 weeks away.

My diagnosis is pending as well, and if you ever need anyone to talk to during those low (or high) points, I'm here. Good luck with everything!

Thanks.

I hope everything works out for you.

Are your parents unaccepting of MI diagnoses and treatment? Is that why you're afraid to tell them? And, I don't know how old you are, but you don't HAVE to tell them if you think they won't be supportive....

I was recently (a month ago) diagnosed bipolar after years (like 20) of being treated for depression and GAD by my GPs. I had never seen a psych doc, just took their diagnosis and antidepressants. Nine months ago I started dating a guy who is, himself, bipolar and has PTSD. I started reading a lot of books and articles to learn how to better support him and help him with the course of bipolar. A couple months ago, he told me he really thought I should get my meds checked..... by a psych. So I went in, and sure enough, bipolar. I almost laughed. It actually all made sense to me then. I was probably misdiagnosed for 20 years. But I didn't press the issue b/c my exdh thought MI diagnoses were "baloney" and was not supportive AT ALL.

I feel relieved to have a "name" for my mood swings and meltdowns. And I'm relieved to be on the right meds.... And I'm most relieved to have the support of a loving partner now.

No need to worry unnecessarily before you know. But if bipolar is the diagnosis, it doesn't change who you are. It just changes the meds you need.

(hugs)

It's not exactly that my parents don't accept mental health diagnoses...it's more that they have a hard time accepting them when they see no reason or justification for the problem. For example, because there is nothing you can pinpoint as to why I have so much anxiety and OCD, it doesn't seem as real or as serious to them as my sister's depression because she became depressed after a traumatic event. Get it?

I'm 20, so no, my parents don't exactly have to be involved...but when there's something that's a big deal, I would like them to be involved...plus I'm on their insurance, and bills are sent to the house and stuff, so it's not like they wouldn't know something's up anyway.

Anyway, my mom called me last night, and I ended up bringing it up...and as suspected, it blew up in my face. I knew I shouldn't have...I told her that my counselor isn't sure that anxiety is my only problem, so then she of course asked what my counselor did think. I softened it a bit and said that my counselor thinks I may have a bipolar spectrum disorder knowing that if I said bipolar all hell would break loose, and my mom completely brushed it off. She said that she doubted that because she knows me, and she knows people who are bipolar and I'm not like that etc. So during that I'm thinking that she really doesn't know me all that well because unless she saw and ignored that I was having problems when they first started, she sure as heck isn't that perceptive because guess what! I went out of my way to tell my parents what was going on so I could get help (I was a minor then), and they seemed pretty surprised, and definitely didn't understand...so I'm not sure why she thinks she would notice much else like that...and I also tried saying that bipolar spectrum and bipolar are not the same to which she responded "I know." Ugh!!

//

Well you're in a really good position right now singdance, because you are under a therapists' care. The therapist will be able to figure it out for you. And if so, as you said, it is what it is....not the end of the world if you get treated.
My therapist thinks that I was going around for years with this disorder, except that I didn't know it; and the ppl around me didn't put two and two together either. Because let's face it, who KNOWS about this thing, unless it's a professional or you seek out help? So don't worry about the parent thing - maybe they'll be in denial for a time, but sooner or later they'll have to face up to the facts. And yes you are right, it doesn't mean that you are crazy or anything....just that you have a condition, like other ppl have diabetes or whatever else is out there. Good luck!

I am for sure glad that I'm already in counseling. I wouldn't even really bat an eye, but when it's a professional who says something, it does make you stop and think. That's kind of where I'm at I guess.

Welcome SingDance!
I am also in the diagnostic process, and it's not an easy place to be. I've known my whole life that something was not right, and have suspected bipolar for years. I am still having trouble accepting the dx and still want nothing to do with the meds. I realize that this denial is a hallmark of the illness. Posting/chatting here has helped me a lot.

Hi SingDanceRunLife,

I totally understand what you're going through...it's tough but it does get better.

I spent the first 18 years of my life being diagnosed as depressed, and then my dr's switched my dx to bipolar, which I fought valiantly and was also afraid to tell my parents, even though they knew all about my depression. the definition made sense..I was having mood swings - I just thought I was feeling GREAT when I was hypomanic..it took a little while to digest and accept and then explain to the parents.

Take some time, do some research, talk to the dr when you see him/her - do you have to tell your parents right away? Can you tell them and with the knowledge of how they will react tell them for informational purposes only and tell them you don't want to fight about this, you just wanted them to know?

Good luck, and keep posting here - everyone has great advice.

Well, if you read my post from earlier today, I brought it up with my mom, and as I knew...it did not go well.

Believe me, I've done tons of research. I've been Googling mood disorders for the past couple of weeks, and have been more intensely reading since my friend said something, and even more so since my counselor did.

Hearing I was bipolar rather that depression was a blow for me too. In my mind, it meant that I was more "screwed-up" than I had thought and meant life-long treatment rather than the year or two I had hoped for. We've been there too and are happy to help you.

I'm just hoping to get it all sorted out soon.

My counselor just emailed me about an hour ago with the name of another psychiatrist in the area who apparently doesn't have a long wait period (~2 weeks) and his info, so I might try and get in with him because the sooner I get this figured out, the better...but I really do want to see the pdoc that my friend suggested and I have an appointment with because he's well known in the area and highly recommended...

There are some people I know, including my brother, who I will not tell. That's b/c they see bipolar as the really whacked out "movie" version. There are many shades of bipolar, and I bet most of us don't fit that stereotypical mold at all. Most of us live on the bipolar roller coaster and most of the people who know and love us think of us as "moody" or "eccentric". It's easier for them to think that, than to think "chemical imbalance". LOL So, let them continue to think I'm moody or eccentric.... and I'll keep taking my Lexapro and Lithium.

My mom does know how bipolar can be since my aunt is bipolar...but I think that she's got just the extreme picture in her head. (My aunt has pretty sever BP 1 and psychosis)...so...that might be part of it...

I called the other psychiatrist's office, and was told the wait to see him or an associate would be 3 or 4 weeks which doesn't get me in any sooner than the appointment I already have, so I thanked them, and that was that.

I was relieved when I got the dx. I had been treated only for major depression and the bipolar meds make life much easier most of the time. The breakthrough episodes are tough, but overall, it's good to be getting the right treatment.