I may be bipolar and could use some support

I still have awhile to wait before I get a Dx or any meds. Hopefully I can make it that long...but to be honest, I'm not really sure.

I really don't know if I can make it another 3 weeks til my appointment!

I feel so awful right now. I hate people. I hate the world. I don't want do deal with or do anything. I've cried more times this week than anyone should, and really, am wondering why anyone even bothers to be with me anymore because I don't even want to be with me anymore...

You can do it. I know how bad it sucks. I had to wait a really long time to see the pdoc for the first time. It was really rough. Fortunately, the meds helped me right away. Even on the meds there are rough patches still but it is better than before. I also have GAD. I also don't want to tell my parents. I understand that you did try to tell your mom. As for the diagnosis, I think it was important for me to hear the pdoc say it so I could start trying to accept it. I'm still trying though.

More to you! Keep us updated.

I'm becoming less and less functional, more and more depressed, and more and more irritable as time goes on. I would really appreciate a mood shift...now.

((((((Singdancerunlife))))))

I know things are rough for you right now. I hit rock bottom before I ever searched for help. I knew how I felt was not right, although I thought it was only depression. It took a while for me to get into the system and get my dx. Just remember that this mood will pass and things will get better. You just have to be strong and I know that is hard right now. If you are dx BP then you can work on coping skills and start the road of recovery. Best wishes to you. If things get to bad and you really feel like you can't make it until your appointment you can always go to the ER. Please take care of yourself.

SDRL

Thanks guys.

I'm becoming soooo irritable! I have seriously wanted to punch this girl in the face all day long because she has just rubbed me the wrong way! I held myself together and avoided doing that...but I did yell at her, throw some papers at her, and slam my door in her face! ****** deserved it.

I did a quick search on bipolar and irritability, and I came up with this article from a blog:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...underestimated

The first two people described also describe me quite well...the first one especially...I'm like that to a T! Here's what it says, and I have bolded what I see as most crucial and like me.

At age 23, Keith has been depressed on and off for the last four years. He also has no clue as to why. He had a happy childhood with very supportive parents. He did well in college and he's now in his first year of employment as a high school science teacher. Keith has also been in a love relationship for the last eight months and his friendships are similarly quite good. While there are intermittent times when Keith feels just fine he repeatedly finds that for no apparent reason he becomes really unhappy. He doesn't just feel sad, blue or down. It's more like he feels miserable with a sharp edge of discontent. In the midst of his negativity everything grates on him. During these episodes which can last up to a couple of weeks he can't seem to get comfortable with himself or with others. He just wants to snap at the people he cares for, all the while knowing they don't deserve his negativity. So rather than approaching social situations like an agitated porcupine, he prefers to withdraw to his bedroom hoping for some respite. Unfortunately, it doesn't come. With each episode he feels more and more prickly.

Erika is 19 and finishing up her first year of college. She did well during her first semester, attaining Dean's list while also establishing some excellent new friendships. Spring semester also got off to a good start - no major hassles. But beginning early April, Erika found herself frequently feeling like she was tied in knots. She was keeping up with school work and generally remaining on top of things. Despite her relatively low degree of external stress she was having difficulty getting more than a few hours sleep at night. She also found her mind was darting about with unusual speed. When she was in this mildly agitated state Erika reacted to her friends more like they were poison than a source of healthy support. She knew something was wrong but had no clue as to what it might be. She did know that her generally positive nature was transforming into her version of Erica the Witch.

...2 1/2 more weeks til my appointment...

Interesting article. I was very very irritable with my husband before I went on the meds. Fortunately the meds completely zapped my irritability. Like magic. There is hope, you can make it. Even though it sucks like crazy.

I definitely need to do something about my irritability...it's really bad!

Thanks for sharing that article SingDanceRunLife. I'm a little different though. I am more irritable in my manic episodes. That is actually how I got diagnosed BP. I was having a bad reaction to taking just antidepressants. Over time on the antidepressant I would get very aggitated and irritable. So much that I would quit taking my medicine. Anyway long story short, I haven't had much irritability since they started me on meds for BP. So I really hope that you can get on meds and leveled out soon. Keep on going, there is hope.

I've had bad reactions to antidepressants as well, and am currently not taking any almost completely because of that.

Also, I too am much more irritable when "up" than when I'm not. It's quite bad. For example, my friends' little quirks that don't usually bother me, or sometimes, ones that I even like just rub me the wrong way and I snap. My best friend has come to learn limits with me. He can tell if he's gone too far and will then immediately back off.

...anyway...right now, my main problem is lack of motivation related to excessive tiredness. I just don't really want to do much of anything. I am in a bit of a better mood though...definitely more "normal" than I have been lately.

Hey there

I too had trouble accapting it as I was also told for years I had GAD and OCD. I also have had trouble with my parents. My mum is bipolar but doesnt know it. My dad is her rock so protects her at any cost .....even if it means brushing off my mental health issues to protect hers. Anyway I have alot of parent issues and i know how hard it is not to have them behind you. It hurts and makes it so hard. Hang tough until your appointment...it must be so frustraing waiting! I wish you all the best and hope you get seen asap. If things do get too bad before then, like already suggested, go to the hospital and tell them whats happening. You dont have to suffer alone, you're not alone even though it feels like it, you dont have to be hugs! x

Two weeks from tomorrow I have my appointment...I've made it through over half the wait time already...barely hanging on.

Everything is going to hell in a hand basket right now...my relationships with people are going downhill, school is an absolute train wreck...wish this was easier.

Friday...

And it's a good thing too!

I flipped again today (I seriously hate being set off my even the tiniest things!), and my mom was all like, well it's good that you're seeing this guy this week. Oy...

((((((SDRL)))))))

Some times a good run or excersize will help clear the mind and elivate your mood. Running releases neurotransimitters in your brain that are directly related to mood,naturally. Your almost to your appointment time...and don't worry about the dx it will be one step closer to living stable. I too, just started my bp meds after being two years on only antid's and I already feel better and they told me it would be 6 weeks. Your brain/body know what it needs. listen to it!

At this point, I don't care about the dx...I care about getting to be stable and quasi normal.

For me the most important thing was to get the right treatment not the "right" label.

Exactly.

I hate the way I am...it's completely erratic and unstable which is an awful way to live!

You should love yourself because you have the strength to know something is wrong and that you want to fix it.

No use hating what you can't help. x)

Though, I do admit its hard to remember.

It's not who I am that I hate, it's the way I am.

I understand hating the symptoms and hating some of your thoughts, feelings and actions, but none of those are you and I am glad you realize that.

Today's the day I see the pdoc!

I can't even begin to tell you how anxious I am...my hands are shaking and I can barely eat...but it's not really bad anxiety...just, nerves anxiety I guess.