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#1
Apr 14, 2011, 04:14 AM
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I've been really manic for the past 3 months. Either I'm manic or depressed, I don't even know, being a rapid cycler just sucks. It's about 5 in the morning right now and my thoughts are driving me nuts. My meds aren't working, I'm on a 100 mg of Lamotrigine...I used to be on Geodon, but I hated the side effects so I switched. Anyways, I don't know, it was helping with my mood swings but when I dive into another gruesome episode it just gets worse.
My thoughts are driving me crazy, I wish they would just stop. I'm really freaking myself out, I'm beginning to realize how nuts I really appear to everyone else and it's just really scary. I've been in a psych ward for an attempt at suicide and right now I'm thinking about it again because I'm tired of having to deal with this. I'm sobering up, used to be addicted to pills, and I'm kicking alcohol but now I think it's messing with my brain or something I don't know... My thoughts keep jumping to conclusions that everyone's mocking me, that no one likes me and thinks I'm a selfish, idiotic, jerk. It doesn't help that most of my friends are drug addicts, so I can't hang out with them anymore sooooooo yeah I don't really have any friends. I used to. I just feel terrible, I'm losing my mind. It's annoying when the majority of people around you can't help you. So you're constantly battling yourself and convincing yourself that certain things aren't true all the time. I'm about to erupt again. I need help. |
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#2
Apr 14, 2011, 04:45 AM
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Darla, I know some of the agony you are experiencing. The experiences are rough enough on us, but feeling like there is no-one who can relate or care is devastating. Please hold on tight?
Hopefully you can use your art as a means for expression and release. It sounds from your profile like your boyfriend cares for you. Are you able to make new friends amongst other artists who aren't battling with addictions, who will possibly be in a better position to encourage you & love you for who you are?  Huge HugTS
__________________
Life is like a storm with millions of eyes. So deceptive.
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#3
Apr 14, 2011, 09:34 AM
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Are you just taking a mood stabilizer?
Sometimes they can prescribe things like anti-psychotics or anti-anxiety to help with impulse and thought control. Meditation can potentially help too. (As does working out)
__________________
"You got to fight those gnomes...tell them to get out of your head!" |
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#4
Apr 14, 2011, 12:22 PM
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I don't about your med and med history. Are you just taking Lamogritine? I take Lithium and Lamogritine and if I have a manic attack my doctor has given me samples of Abilify to take if I'm experiencing mania. I'm not a rapid cycler so I don't know if different meds are recommended in your situation.
You're not alone on the friend front. I didn't have a drug or alcohol addiction but lost almost all my friends and some family because of a bad manic attack I had 4 years ago. I've tried the suicide thing. Pre-BP Diagnosis and it definitely wasn't the answer. Things did get better. There is definitely more to my story and I've had my ups and downs but will never attempt that route again. Have you been in touch with your pdoc? 3 months seems like a long time for you to be experiencing mania. I think it's great that you recognize it. Not everyone has awareness like that. Have any adjustments to your meds been made? Can you get in to see your pdoc asap? On another note, you mentioned that you don't have friends. Have you tried any support groups. I tried two groups via DSBA but didn't find a fit then I found a BP group through NAMI. I just found it and have attended for around 2 months. I am making new friends there that I can relate to. Keep us posted. Thinking good thoughts for you. |
 DarlaKat
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#5
Apr 14, 2011, 02:22 PM
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Yeah, I'm just on a mood stabilizer...my doctor is getting me into see a psychiatrist so I can get back on my anxiety medication and also my ADD medication...I'm hoping this works. Last night was a huge battle.
Exercise does really help, I've been hiking at least 4 to 5 times a week and the sun and the walking definitely helps me calm down. I used to meditate but the thoughts get so unbearable that now I can't get myself to become one. Thank you so much for your comment, I'm happy people care 
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#6
Apr 14, 2011, 09:31 PM
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Duh, we care!!!! We want to see you get better. That is what community is all about.
((DARLA))!!
__________________
"You got to fight those gnomes...tell them to get out of your head!" |
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#7
Apr 15, 2011, 09:15 AM
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DarlaKat, when you see the Pdoc I would suggest asking for the lamictal to be increased. Lamictal is the only mood stabilizer I'm on, but I'm on 300 mg a day (200 mg is the average does). I hope you're feeling better soon.
__________________
Favorite book on bipolar "Living with Someone who is Living with Bipolar Disorder" by Chelsea Lowe, 2010 Check out my blog The Bipolar Roller Coaster: http://blueoctober.psychcentral.net/ New Post March 23 "New Therapist" |
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#8
Apr 15, 2011, 09:32 AM
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I don't think I can add anything else so I'm sending you my special hugs 
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#9
Apr 15, 2011, 10:35 AM
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I can rlate to everything you have said
it will pass x
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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