[Side of the Angels]

I really really really fu##ing hate that my boyfriend doesn't believe in Manic-depression, my symptoms or any of it. I hate that he makes me feel like he thinks I'm faking it. I hate that he feels like everyone who has it is a liar. I am very very very frustrated and irritated. When I have a down day he gets irritated and makes me feel like crap a bit like I can f##king do anything about it. I'm tired of when I'm just f##king down he asks what the matter is, no matter what I tell him hes never satisfied. I'm sick of defending myself and blaming the disease and my lack of control of it. It SOUNDS like a cop-out and I can see where he is coming from. NOTHING is the matter its just the f##king way it is.
I'm just tired of other normal people not understanding. I wouldn't ACT this way for NO reason! I've just been diagnosed and I don't know wtf to think EVER! I'm NOT lazy, I love my life but I cant control ANY of the **** that happens and I'm not about to start acting like I can! FUUHHKK!!! F%&#. I REALLY needed to get that out. FU##! WHO would choose this for themselves? (Any suggestions on educating the ignorant?)

[Confusedinomicon]

I think you need to cool yourself a little, first. If you feel that stressed from the situation, remove yourself until you cool down a little. Then remember you are ONLY diagnosed now. You've just started meds and hopefully read the medicine warnings and such so you know if you are having a bad reaction to the medicine. (Take it everyday!)

But really, I think you need to chill out. Explain to your boyfriend it takes a couple weeks before the medicine can take it's full effect. Education yourself on BP even more by buying a book and reading about it. Ask him to read the book with you. The more you know about this illness the more power you have over it. A lot of people are going to make you mad that they know so little about MI, but that is when you either ignore the comment or explain to them what it is without being mean/aggressive about it.

As much as I hate to say it, you need to take care of yourself first. It doesn't sound like you totally are. A good diet and exercise will actually make your mood better and keep you in the game. It is very hard work to maintain BP but it can be done!

(((HUGS)))

[Mac Murphy]

When I was first diagnosed I read everything I could get my hands on. The first book was literally "Bipolar Disorder for Dummies." It was a really good entry into the world that we share. My wife read it and got a good understanding of the illness even if she can't understand what I am feeling.

To me, by your post it appears that you are in a very agitated manic state right now and like Confused said, you need to cool yourself down a little. In this state you will have a hard time making rational decisions.

Do you have a doctor you are seeing for treatment? If not, get one. Do you have a therapist you can talk to? If not, get one. A good regimen of therapy and medications may help you gain the self control you need in order to be able to better cope with what you are going through. Do not worry about your boyfriend right now. Take care of yourself and get the help you need. In the meantime, keep coming back here and learning from others who have walked this road before you. There are a lot of good people here you can turn to for advice. Give them a chance and listen to the advice.

But first and foremost, get the professional help you need to take care of yourself.

Peace,
Mac

[Eloise42]

I had a partner with that attitude. And he had an undergraduate degree in psychology, it was really frustrating. After I realized how awful it was to let someone else make me feel worse than I already did I took the high road. If he in some way insinuated that I was "lazy" instead of being at all sympathetic with depression I told him nicely that there were resources available online for people who had loved ones with depression.

[Ascension]

The first stage of being diagnosed can be scary, cause denial, resentment, anger, guilt, shame and these are all things we feel about it. There is no reason for you to be so hard on yourself. If you had cancer would you call yourself crazy or lazy because you just found out that you have some significant health concern and it's a scary thing to have a doctor tell you have and you were having a hard time coming to terms? Take the time you need to come to terms with this. Don't let other's make it more complicated then it already is. Don't be hard on yourself for feeling the way you do. Allow yourself the time you need to come to terms with this and then once you understand and aren't so afraid and confused and angry and hurt you will learn how to recognize the little nuances your illness has because each of us struggle a little differently. I have, after 10 years of hard work by myself and my support team, come to see when I am cycling and though I can't always stop the cycle, it doesn't scare me like it used to. The feelings I have learned to kind of appreciate. The pain I feel when I am depressed reminds me I am alive like someone pinching me in a dream. When I am manic I am so creative and I accomplish things that in hindsight I look back at and am amazed and wonder to myself, "Did I really make or write that?", I work with wood and write novels and music. I have felt more alive in my 37 years, and lived so vivid a life I sometimes wonder how others live in their bland unaffected worlds. I hate it sometimes but it is also responsible for some of the few moments of greatness I have accomplished in my life. I hope one day you can find some small peace in it. Until then treat yourself kindly, don't let others heap on your pile and know that you are learning something new and deeply profound in your life. You will be better for knowing in the end. Shalom.