[joliette]

How do you deal with being bi polar and telling others about it? No body knows, not even my mom or my best friends.. everyone just thinks im some whiny, angry, self involved *****. I wish I could just tell them that I'm really an unmedicated, un-couseled person with bipolar and depression... but I know that no one will really cares

[Confusedinomicon]

I think that you need to first get an official dx before you label yourself with anything. Having bipolar is serious and can't be taken lightly. If you are certain that you have it, talk to someone. If your mom is the one who can get you to a doctor, maybe write her a note telling her you need to seriously talk to her. Push it if she brushes it off and tell her you're being serious and you have a problem and you need answers. You don't want to end up hospitalized like many people (including me) who get this diagnosis.

The earlier you inform someone and get a doctors opinion, the better off you'll be. You can have your mom bring you to a GP first and he can refer you to a pdoc or t.

[joliette]

i know i have it.. my doctor has tried some medication for me but it hast worked.

[BlackPup]

It takes time to find the right meds that work for you. So keep on trying with your doctor. It is also a good idea to go to a psychiatrist because they are better able to deal with the difficulties in finding a good med combo.
For me I tell most people and don't really care if they respond badly, others are more guarded in who they tell. It is your choice as to who to tell, but important people need to know so that they can help you. Remember they may not react as you would like them to, but that's their problem not something about you.

[BlackPup]

counselling is really important in coming to terms with the diagnosis, and developing strategies to stay well...

[blueoctober]

Telling someone about your diagnosis is a personal choice, but I would think keeping a secret like this would be stressful. We all need support, so perhaps a therapist can help you decide who and if you should disclose

[Confusedinomicon]

I would ask your mom to bring you to your GP and ask them to refer you to a pdoc, unless your insurance allows you to go straight to a pdoc, then.

Good luck.

[joliette]

I am getting all that in order but I dont have the money so I have to figure out how to manage my finances and go to a therapist.. Im getting new meds on monday..What is your advice about telling a manager at work?.. bc i have a lot of problems at work bc of my mood swings

[Brokenwing]

After 20yrs I ended up in rehab for stress, and got diagnosed with Bipolar. That's when my family found out because they had been hiding family secrets. I got married last year, and I told my husband right away. He has been learning about the condition,reading and going to the doctor with me. However, I never plan to tell anyone at work, I pretend to be like everyone else, but I don't socialize. Don't have to worry about friends because I have none. I just live in my own little world. Also, this a great site because know I know I am not alone, lots of great help and support.

[joliette]

I know my family will understand bc all of us have issues, I just dont like to let other people in, I dont like being a burden.. My mom knows about my depression but not the bi polar. I just want work to understand that Im not a bad person... Not that having a mental illness excuses me from everything ive done.. it would just be nice for them to maybe try to understand. The person I would tell is a female boss who is only 2 years old than me.. were not best friends but she is a compassionate person that I think I could get supprt from.. ill think about it some more i guess

[mgran]

I first told my step mother, who helped break the news to my Dad. Turned out my brother had all along guessed the truth. Since then I've been able to tell two women at my church (one a nurse, the other a clinical psychologist) both of whom have been very kind about it, and also the pastor. Oh, and I told my music teacher, and my ex (since he's my son's father, I think he deserved to know.)

It's been easier for me now that I no longer feel it's a dirty secret. I don't run around telling everyone, but knowing I have friends and family out there who are looking out for me does really help.

[vjdragonfly]

It is a personal decision to tell your manager. Some people do and all is fine. When I was working I told my manager and it was cool. I really didn't have a problem telling the one's who were close to me. Even though I was nervous and afraid they wouldn't except it. I have one sister that embraces me and will listen about my bipolar problems as well as others. I think for the rest of the family they just rather not think about it. My husband also knows and has been very supportive. It took all those years of mood swing and gave a reason to them. My oldest daughter knows as well and she is very accepting. So you really don't know how people will react until you tell them. If you do I would start with the people closest to you.

[DivorcedWoman]

I agree with some of the other posters that it takes a while to get the right medication cocktail. I would medidate on who you do and do not want to tell. If you work on developing a mania contract with your pdoc or therapist you will need to tell some people so they can help you stay healthy. People react differently to the illness so I can't tell you what people may or may not do. I lost friends and family due to the illness and had other friends and family stay by my side.

On the work front, everyone is different so I agree there is not a right or wrong answer. There was another post about this issue not too long ago. One person said they wouldn't tell unless they needed some sort of accomodations at work such as time off to go to doctor's appointments, etc. to help keep you healthy. I don't feel comfortable telling work at this point, but I may change my mind in the future depending on how my illness may progress and if I need accomodations to keep me healthy.

Another avenue I suggest as you mentioned that you don't have much money is some free support groups such as DSBA or NAMI. I didn't have great luck with DSBA as the two different groups I went to were pretty low functioning and I didn't feel as though I fit in. I just recently found a great Bipolar Support group through NAMI. I'm really enjoying the group. There are people of all different ages there that have the illness, family members of someone who has the illness and a everyone has a varied range of severity. I feel so good to be with people that have my illness. I don't feel so alone anymore. These type of groups are also good to get feedback and advice from too. There may be another person there you age that has gone through the exact same thing so they might be able to give you some good insight and support.

[Trying & Caring]

I would not tell manager at work until you know if & what accommodations you need (legally they have to provide reasonable accommodations unless they are too much of a hardship on the company & I believe the company has to have at least 50 employees). There is a lot of stigma about mental illness so don't reveal at work unless you need accommodations (unless you have a particularly close & personal relationship w/manager & he cannot reveal to others unless necessary to get those accommodations). Your therapist or pdoc should be well versed on this. If not, contact NAMI or DBSA or Google the subject as the laws are changing frequently). Did you know a service animal can now be a miniature horse?? I'm wondering about having a horse in restaurants or on an airplane!

I have a friend who is blind & has a guide dog (rather large). I can't imagine a miniature horse, but she would love one!

[blueoctober]

I would suggest that you weigh the pros and cons of telling work and it's probably not a good place to start with disclosing your diagnosis. Disclosing to a friend and/or family member would be a better place to start.

I made the choice about being open about my diagnosis at work. It's something you can't take back after you disclose and unfortunately there is still stigma surrounding mental illness. I don't regret telling work, but it was a different circumstance because I had been committed then put on medical leave for 8 months. Being honest about the diagnosis prevented the speculation by my co-workers and I find keeping secrets an uncomfortable feeling.

As far as you being a burden to others, I doubt you feel that way when others open up and/or ask for help. Suffering in silence doesn't help anyone especially yourself.

[sugahorse1]

I started the process of letting my managers at work know, but right now I've only told the HR department. And I'm not comfortable to go further.
I've told a few close friends and my boyfriend. My parents and family don't know, and I'll leave it that way. I don't live with them, so my mood swings aren't obvious to them.
It is hard to keep this secret, as you really need the support. PC has helped me get that support, even though it is not personal. You need someone in real life too.

[sunshine285]

Hi all,

I hear you and feel for you...making the choice to tell someone (whether family member or friend) is a difficult one, but for me the burden of keeping a secret about who I am (illness and all) was keeping me further within my shell. I've been in this shell since I was first diagnosed (about six months ago, a year and a half before that I was wrongly diagnosed with depression). My current pdoc is great, and he has told me that I don't have to tell friends or family if I don't want to...I live with my parents right now and they feel the same way. But I want to move forward in life, I want to get back into the workforce now that I am recovering and get on with life and without support from "normal" friends who care about me, it's really quite lonely. I've told three friends so far, an old friend from school and two newer friends and so far, they have shown me nothing but support. I reckon I'm more guarded because of my fears about facing the stigma (it's easier telling people you get occasionally stressed or depressed). So to the rest of my friends and family, I'll be exactly that. I just think that you have to draw the line somewhere, because there will always be people who treat you differently or that you are somehow "defective" because you have a mental illness. So, I'd say only tell people who care about you and who only matter in your life.

[Liberada]

I've kept it to myself. (dx'd 03/07) I told my mother. She said "Oh you aren't bipolar." Just kinda blew it off. And we never spoke about it again. And my husband thinks psychiatrists are scammers. He understands I get depressed. He also thinks I'd fair much better if I got out more. ..which I probably would but he's also a believer in getting your dose of sunshine. When it comes right down to it, I really don't know what he thinks. I know he worry's. It's hard keeping so much to yourself.

[fallfromgrace]

You're not being a burden by sharing your secret with other people; they'd most likely appreciate your honesty and would try to understand what you're going through. I didn't tell any of my friends for a long time, and they honestly thought I was just being crazy for no reason... they were relieved when I finally told them. When you "come out" as bipolar, you have to be prepared for different reactions. But know that your real friends will stay by your side, no matter what

I agree with the OP about not disclosing at work unless absolutely neccessary. If you're getting meds, your difficulties at work will hopefully end, and if you are able to talk with your family you will be feeling better soon. That's alwo why counseling can be important, because it teaches you coping skills to deal with things at work, as well as in other places.
Think carefully and take your time.
Good luck!

[sunshine285]

Sugahorse,

PC has helped me so much too, I don't have a support group nearby as I live in a small town...the only people who know are my parents, and three close friends. I told the third friend only on Tuesday and am still feeling rather brittle and exposed. One part of me feels like I've done the right thing by reaching out to my friends, the other is afraid that they're just being nice and will eventually drift away. Having BP still feels like a dirty secret, something to be ashamed of...perhaps it's because I've been diagnosed fairly recently. I already feel like I am a burden to my parents emotionally and financially, telling friends just feels like I have to burden them too. And I fear they will scrutinise my moods and wonder: when is she going to fall apart?

How do I "get over" these feelings?

[sugahorse1]

It is important to get your feelings out. Write on PC, see a T, spend some time alone to work through things... Whatever works for you. But don't bottle things up.
I told a few friends - some have been really supportive, comfort and listen to me when that's what I need. Others didn't change their attitude, not even slightly.

Back at the place where I want my managers to know, but very scared of their reaction. I realise it makes sense to only disclose as a last resort at work
Your feelings are common. Vent as much as you need to. Work on educating yourself as much as possible too

[sunshine285]

Thanks for the kind words and advice...yes I do need to work things out for myself, but I'm having trouble trusting my friends now that I've told them...my first impulse is to retreat into my shell. I have no plans to tell the rest of my family (my parents have been incredibly supportive so I'm fortunate that way), I'm just afraid of being treated differently when all I want is to be treated like a normal person.

And yes, I have been reading literature, about others' experiences, but I still feel ashamed of having BP, I still blame myself for letting things get to me and trigger my first major episode. My triggers at the time were a combination of an unhealthy work environment, a one-sided love affair that went awry and my constant worry about my dad's escalating alcoholism at the time. It just got too much for me and I went from being depressed to full-blown psychosis.

Things are much better now, I'll be finishing grad school soon to pursue a new, less stressful career, but my biggest fear is if I'll be able to cope with a full-time job and moving away from home? i had an episode just a few weeks ago and it really scared me.

[kykid]

Originally Posted by joliette

How do you deal with being bi polar and telling others about it? No body knows, not even my mom or my best friends.. everyone just thinks im some whiny, angry, self involved *****. I wish I could just tell them that I'm really an unmedicated, un-couseled person with bipolar and depression... but I know that no one will really cares

The first thing you must do is receive a proper diagnosis. Once a proper diagnosis has been made, then focus on the course of treatment, hopefully one including psychotherapy as well as medication.

Second, you must accept the diagnosis yourself. This is a critical part of healing that cannot be skipped.

Third, there is no rule saying that you must disclose your illness to anyone, even someone as close to you as your parents. Who cares what people think (I used to worry about this obsessively also but have gotten better lately). If you feel that you need someone to talk to besides your doctor or your therapist, then you could always avail yourself of a bipolar support group in your area. I have recently done this and have enjoyed it so far.

Fourth, I have found it valuable to me to nurture my spiritual side through frequent church attendance, prayer, and Confession. This helps me to put things in the proper perspective where I can deal with them more effectively.

Good luck. I know that if you are persistent in battling this disease, you will find better days ahead. I hope I have been of some help.

[sunshine285]

Kykid, how did you get over your negative feelings about telling friends? I just got home from meeting the two friends I recently told about my illness and I don't know what it is, but I feel that they're distancing themselves from me because of my illness and trivialising it. Or is it just me and my suspicions? They don't really call me much or initiate meeting up unless I do and one of them used to drop by and visit me on her way back to her hometown but doesn't do that anymore, not since I told her. They said they understood and will support me any way they can but today was the first time I met up with them both after some time and I got the impression that they are slowly distancing themselves from me. For example, we used to talk about stuff to do and where to hang out after I finish my degree. But I feel the conversations are getting more impersonal and that I'm being avoided. Or is it just me? Maybe it's because I made them uncomfortable today by talking about my illness and some decisions I have to make about medications...too heavy lunch conversation maybe? I don't know...maybe it really is just me...maybe they are not as ready as they thought they were? I'm all confused about it and I feel like I've laid my heart open and been misjudged.