[mymickey]

My partner and I have been together for 7 years a little over 3 years ago she was diagnosed with Bipolar. Thats when the roller coaster began and is still going. She leaves me at least 3 to 4 times a year to be with someone else. Its always the same story she doesnt love me anymore etc and she loves someone else. This lasts anywhere from a few weeks to months then she will contact me and say she misses me and is in love with me and wants to come back. I always take her back and its good for awhile and the it starts all over again. I understand its the disease causing this and I know it tears her up inside too. She is on meds but hasnt seemed to find the right combo yet. She never stays put long enough to get a good routine or see a counselor regularly. This last time she was back for 2 weeks and then left a week ago. I try the best way I know how to cope on my end and to also help her even from a distant but when she leaves she either cuts off all contact or treats me very cold and emotionless. Has anyone else experienced this, is this typical for bipolar and how to I help her and myself. She is a very good person and very loving when she is not having an episode and I love her unconditionally and I am in this for the long haul with her. Any advice or insight would be appreciated.

[Direction]

Welcome...glad you posted! The one thing that really stood out was your love and compassion for your partner. One thought comes to mind is establishing some boundaries for yourself. I think its great to be able to love her unconditionally...but what about you? This must take a toll on you? Love yourself enough to set some boundaries...otherwise you will just end up in this cycle for the next 7 years or the next 7 years after that...

[mymickey]

Yes I do have alot of love for her and my hearts breaks for what she is going thru. It has taken a toll on me. I am not sure what boundaries to set. I have spent alot of time educatring me on how to help her and to be there for her but neglected to educate myself on how to help me.

[kykid]

I agree with Direction.

For your own well being and that of your partner, you are going to have to set some boundaries as to what behaviors you will tolerate, what your partner must do to remain well (take meds regularly and see the therapist/doctor, etc.), and what you can do to help your partner find their path to wellness.

You are to be commended because it is patently obvious that you care deeply about your partner and only want what is best for them and for both of you. With some tenaciousness on your part, you can emerge from this illness with your emotional well being, and hopefully your relationship, intact.

[mymickey]

Thank you all for you replies. Sometimes I question if she will be back or did she leave because it is truly what she wanted or is it because she is having an episode. Gets very consusing to me sometimes.

[Direction]

Originally Posted by mymickey

...I question if she will be back or did she leave because it is truly what she wanted or is it because she is having an episode. Gets very consusing to me sometimes.

I would not spend much time trying to figure that question out....it really and I do mean it really doesn't matter if it is or not. Explaining away behavior because she has BP is not healthy for you.

Spend more time on figuring out what you need from a healthy relationship (not necessarily this one). Then you will be prepared to let her or the next person know what you need from them...ok?

[Abyssal]

She is lucky to have you who loves her unconditionally .. My mom is bipolar and sometimes i hate her for what she is .. despite being a student of psychology, despite knowing that its her condition, its not her fault .. i hate her even more, when she is being too selfish with me .. Its frustrating, depressing to live with someone having bipolar .. I feel sympathy for her sometimes, and sometimes i blame her for all the miseries, for all the problems, i am facing in my life ..

After reading your posts, i am hating myself even more .. what a useless self centered person i am .. but frankly speaking, i am fed up of it .. She is no more in that out-of-control of her depressive episodes, but she is least concerned with her life, with us .. Its just that she is breathing with no feelings .. & everyone among my siblings are busy settling their lives .. no one seems to care for her or maybe they have done enough.. and its me alone .. its depressing ..

I will be thankful if you share some good tips with me ..

[mymickey]

Do not beat yourself up over it. Its hard very hard and I have my down moments too. My partner told me something that sticks w me and helps me to remember to be loving. She said bipolar is like a monster that is killing her from the inside out---she said she can feel an episode coming but no matter what she cant stop it and it is destroying her on the inside. I try to put myself in her shoes and I think what if it was me going thru this would I want everyone to turn their backs on me. All of her friends have and even her family has. I would want someone that loved me enough to stay thru the hard times. It could be a matter of life and death for her. Remembering that helps me to stay centered during the hard times---gives me prurpose to stand beside her even when shes miles away w her newest girl.
My friends have all walked out on me too cuz they dont understand so I am very much alone when she leaves. But I let the good memories and my love guide me. Hope this helps. Any advice from you for me would be great.

[Direction]

Originally Posted by mymickey

---she said she can feel an episode coming but no matter what she cant stop it and it is destroying her on the inside.

It's good that she has the ability to recognize this...just so you know there is much that can be done to minimize the symptoms and stop the feeling that it is destroying her...

[mymickey]

What strategies or ideas can you share with me

[mymickey]

has anyone here been thru similar situation either as a person with someone with bi polar or as someone with bipolar

[Direction]

I think one of the most helpful things for me was creating my WRAP (Wellness Recovery Action Plan). It contains a section on recognizing my symptoms, triggers, action plans (what I can do when I recognize symptoms), toolbox (things that I know are helpful to me), crisis plans...you can search PC for "Wellness Recovery Action Plan"

Here's a link for to the electronic pdf of the booklet that describes what it is...

http://store.samhsa.gov/shin/content...0/SMA-3720.pdf

[Abyssal]

Your partner knows what she is going through .. i think knowing a problem and acknowledging that you have one, is where your half work is done ..

Why don't you consider a dialectical behavioral therapy for her? I have read, its very useful for bipolar people and people with borderline personality disorder.. Talk to her therapist.

[Abyssal]

For me, i have no problem taking care of her for my whole life, but i am extremely passionate about my career and she and her illness is a big obstacle in my career .. If i leave her alone, for my career, i would consider myself selfish .. and if i don't, i can never be satisfied .. It seems like i have no path to choose, nowhere to go ..

[goingcrazy52]

I too have a spouse that is Bipolar. He was diagnosed about 5 years ago. There have been good times and very bad times also. It is hard to hate someone that is sick. I too go through the episodes of him thinking more of others than he does me. He flirts with other women right in front of me. At first it hurt my feelings and now it just makes me mad. I tell him how he acted later and he says he was just talking. He doesn't seem to have any boundaries or self control. So it sounds like we might have a little in common. Now how are going to fix our problem? Here to talk if you like.

[mymickey]

I would love to have someone to talk to. I have no support system for myself. When she leaves she fully admits while she is gone what she is doing and tells me she loves this other person and is so cold to me. It can last for weeks or months before she comes back. I always wonder each time if thats it and she wont ever come back. It puts me in a deep depression every time. How do I know if its real when she leaves or the bipolar. Am I her reality or is this other person. I dont know---I feel in my mind I am going crazy myself

[Glimmerofhope]

Originally Posted by mymickey

My partner and I have been together for 7 years a little over 3 years ago she was diagnosed with Bipolar. Thats when the roller coaster began and is still going. She leaves me at least 3 to 4 times a year to be with someone else. Its always the same story she doesnt love me anymore etc and she loves someone else. This lasts anywhere from a few weeks to months then she will contact me and say she misses me and is in love with me and wants to come back. I always take her back and its good for awhile and the it starts all over again. I understand its the disease causing this and I know it tears her up inside too. She is on meds but hasnt seemed to find the right combo yet. She never stays put long enough to get a good routine or see a counselor regularly. This last time she was back for 2 weeks and then left a week ago. I try the best way I know how to cope on my end and to also help her even from a distant but when she leaves she either cuts off all contact or treats me very cold and emotionless. Has anyone else experienced this, is this typical for bipolar and how to I help her and myself. She is a very good person and very loving when she is not having an episode and I love her unconditionally and I am in this for the long haul with her. Any advice or insight would be appreciated.

my boyfriend has it and dumps me frequently its very very tough to deal with it i spend hours in forums etc like this learning about it yet he does nothing to impriove the situation dont want to help himself this makes me angry i read all the posts here with such interest and could relate to it all - thing is u do start to stop caring for urself and people will think ur mad for dealing with it - this will keep happening i wish u luck x

[mokie]

mymickey<

I am the one who does this to my husband or should I say I used too and hope that now I can learn to control this monster. I had been diagnosed since I was about 20 and now that I am researching and learning everything I can I know that I had this since before teen.

The way I finally came to trying to get help was first I became psychotic to where I would see and hear things that were not there. Would think others were watching and talking about me when going to store. I don't remember much except that I asked my husband to take me to get help. I was diagnosed then with schizoaffective. I don't really remember how long ago that was. I continued to tell my husband that I did not love him and find others and would leave days, weeks even a month. I only know that deep down inside I knew I loved him and never wanted to leave him. Some how I could not control what was happening to me. I always felt that something else had control of my body and mind. Now this is how I felt. I can't speak for your wife. About 2 yrs ago my husband finally had enough. I was still not very well but I could understand what he was saying. He sat down with me and explained that what I was doing was hurting him and my daughter. He told me that this would be the last time he would let it slide. I knew he meant business cause he is very loving and patient but he was right. I tried my best to stop my behaviour but it was not easy. It took over a year to really slow down on all my behaviours. Since I started to try and change I found medications, psych notes that I had at home and started questioning when did I go, how did I get help, when did I take this or that med. So that opened my mind even further to try and figure out what I was going through. Cause if I was doing these things how could I not remember who I saw and got help from. So I deciede to start a journal and write everyday my thoughts, feelings and actions. There were times that I could not even remember writing in journal but I knew when I read it it was me. It became scary to see a pattern of this monster taking over me. I just recently like a week ago finally decided that I accept that I do have this illness and that I have to find a way to help myself cause I love my husband and daughter dearly. I still keep journal and a mood chart(which shows me really the ups, normal and downs of this illness). I started to research more and more on the illness to try and understand as much as I can. I am learning that knowledge is powerful in keeping the monster in some control. I started seeing a therepist, going to a support group and found a new psych to help me manage my illness.

These are steps I can think of that may help you and your wife:

1. Setting the boundery of that you will not take any further action of staying by her side if she does not try to seek help and stay compliant with treatment. Of course she has to be in some normal state to where she understands that this is what needs to take place. As make sure that she knows that you love her and want the best for her.
2. Finding a good psych to help her and you with medications. Help her make sure she takes her meds. I sometimes if in not a normal state may forget or can't even remember which med I took or did not take. It is difficult since I have many. Ask her if you could go with her and let her know it is to help her and that you just want the best for her. It will be up to her if you can go.
3. Finding a good therepist who can help her understand what this illness does to her and you. Would be good if you could participate as well.
4. Find a support group that both of you can go to. I have only been to two meetings but being able to find others who understand what I go through and learning how they cope with their illness is helping me. As for my husband it helps him as well. Actually anyone who is going to be there to help you and your wife would benefit on going to the meetings. I now don't feel so alone in this.
5. Being here is really also what has helped me deal with all this. I feel that I can come here and not be judged but understood. I can have others who can share their expereince and how they deal with it.
6. Educate. I can't stress how much this really has helped me. I have been online and reading many books to find out everything I can. From symptoms, triggeres, definitions of the words used to describe bipolar and symptoms. Your wife also needs to be in on this. Of course this is when she is well enough to take it in.
7. I have found a way to help myself along with my husband to understand what it is that I go trough. I am doing all research cause my husband has a short attention spand to doing this. I am keeping a journal and finding all syptoms that I can relate to and explain in simplier terms what it means with examples of what my symptoms go with each. I also add examples of what I go through in each symptom, like my actions, thoughts in that moment and how I feel or see things. Then I will write what I really need for him to do when I am in one if the symptoms that I know can bring on a severe manic or depression episode.
8. I am learning that I also need to start making a daily routine in my life. Wake up and sleep time on regular basis, along with other things. We have even made a ritual that when it is close to bed time we cuddle and I can tell him about my moods and he can tell me what he sees. Which cuddling has not happened in such a long time.

There is so much more but like I said I just recently decided that I do have a mental illness and I can do the best to try and live with it by being compliant and learning everything that I can to manage it. I want to say you are such a good husband for wanting to be there for her. I don't know yet that many who would stay. It must really be love when you and my husband are willing to be there for their true love. Wishing you the best and always here if you would like to ask me or my husband anything. I share everything I say, do and think when I come on here with him. Also all of this is just from my experince since everyone is different in their own illness.