[hamster-bamster]

Cannot relax! Took a break from dealing with my boxes - went for a pedicure. Could not yield to the kneading massage chair! Could not relax as usual. I mean, you are supposed to be relax during a pedicure! No! It was not anxiety, just feeling tense. Then realized why: I am dealing with a lot! I have a move next weekend and I am not entirely packed yet, then my friend is coming on that same day because his friends from San Diego changed their mind and invited him later, so he is first staying with me and that is uniquely inconvenient but I cannot help it. And before all of that I will hear about the job I am applying for. And frankly, there was a period of time (after they called and said that so far I had the strongest interview feedback) when I thought that getting this job was a sure thing. Do not think that any more! See a clear possibility of rejection here. And that would mean that I am stuck with my current supervisor until June and (if, in the best case scenario, I am converted to a permanent emplooyee) possibly longer. The hiring manager where I am applying is brilliant... unlike my current supvisor. How I wish I could make the switch! And the work would be much more varied and interesting: what I do currently is extremely repetitive and extremely boring, even with my high tolerance for repetitive work. Plus, I do not entirely understand it, and my supervisor does not quite, either, and I do not have technical background to understand everything (I can still do the job, but it feels odd). At the job I am applying for I would understand everything - I would be a true expert, and that is how I like it. Plus, it would be a short biking distance from my apartment - could not be better. And although they did not disclose what amount of money they would be offering, plugging the position title and the zip code into salary.com yields a figure that is tens of thousands more than I am making. Making that kind of money would enable me to restart paying child and spousal support. Now I just make enough for myself.

Vibrant work environment, too.

Basically, if it works out, it would be too good to be true.

But I need to prepare myself for it not working out. For a rejection.

With my friend also - does he mean anything making a point to say "kiss you" before disconnecting Skype every time, or is it a formality? Am I going to face a rejection there, too?

That would be a lot of big rejections in the course of one week. Or two weeks. The more important one is the job. By far.

With the job, also, there is a possibility that they will open another position in a few months and if I end up being a close second this time around, they might be interested in me for that second position. But I would much rather get the first one... yeah...not having to wait would be soooo nice.

I guess I should already prepare a draft of the respone to their polite rejection letter - something along the lines of thanking them for the consideration and explaining that I will continue to be available in a few months should they need me. Right? If I have a good draft ready, I will feel better.

[bluemountains]

Wow, there seems to be more agitation than usual among the bp posters right now. Oddly enough, I feel myself moving in that direction, too.

Hammy, I react the same way to the job offer vs. no job offer. As some of my posts indicated recently, the wait drives me crazy! It sounds like your friend may offer you some distraction from your current worries, enjoy his visit. Put all of the other stuff on the back burner for awhile.
Packing, yuck!, I am in the unpacking stages now and I feel like the process will never end. Personally, like Moose, I like Starbucks visits so I can ignore it all.
Bluemountains

[hamster-bamster]

Cooking porcini soup for ex and older daughter. Younger daughter does not eat fancy meals. Cooking distracts me well. Wrote a letter to the professional writer whom I hired to help me with the resume and LinkedIn profile: tasked him with crafting a really good response to a rejection notification should I need it. Something that would make a really good lasting impression. I am sure he will oblige. He throws in these bits of free help - a draft here and a letter there.

Feel that I am taking positive steps this way. There is nothing else I can do.

[BipolaRNurse]

Originally Posted by bluemountains

Wow, there seems to be more agitation than usual among the bp posters right now. Oddly enough, I feel myself moving in that direction, too.

Yeah, I've noticed that too.....sure glad I'm not the only one, even though I don't wish it on anyone. It's got to be the change of seasons; why else would almost every other BPer I know be going through the same thing?

It's sad---I really love the autumn, it's my second-favorite time of year right after summer, but the loss of light really zaps my brain. I'm just glad I understand that now; I never knew it until this year, when my pdoc explained that most bipolar patients are light-sensitive, and I'm even more so than most, so my brain responds to even the most subtle shifts in the amount and quality of natural light. Great. Thank God for little gadgets like dawn simulators and light boxes.......can't wait to try one!

[BlueInanna]

Oh my, yes this is a lot going on, makes sense you are tense. Are you feeling any better yet? Try to continue to get your good sleep.

I was very tense today. Decided to try some cannabis... I then got a burst of focus and hand washed 2 cars, and did a bunch of yard work outside. The outside work was really good for me, I can't believe I got all that done. I wish I could be efficient in getting laundry and housework done. I'm happier outside. It was beautiful weather today.

There isn't much you can do to change the outcome of these things that are out of your hands. You're preparing emotionally, that's really good, and will handle it as best you come. I really hope you get the job.

[hamster-bamster]

Thank you! I am trying cannabis too (10 mg THC in a capsule form) for sleep. I tried the same yesterday and today was a good day apart from being tense: I went grocery shopping, cooked, selected a good color for my nails , got rid of some stuff - was very stable. So now I know that cannabis does not interfere with mood stability. It is "baseline" in Moodtracker.com and a "5" in Optimism for me today. No anxiety either. What happened to me in the past was a pure coincidence.

[BlueInanna]

If you were not tense with all this going on, then I'd worry and think you were over medicated or not in touch with reality!

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by BlueInanna

If you were not tense with all this going on, then I'd worry and think you were over medicated or not in touch with reality!

That's a great way to look at it!

And to top it off... I have fleas! My cat Maddy and I have fleas! The other two cats escaped, it is just the two of us.

Will wash my bedding in hot water tomorrow. Vacuuming the whole apartment is recommended, but it is too much for me. I will just do the wash.

[BlueInanna]

ughh i hate fleas!! the last med i used on the kitties didn't work very well, had to apply more.

[hamster-bamster]

And mine are indoors! But Maddy (a foster kitty) had been outdoors before she arrived, living on an abandoned school bus. The fleas must be from that time. But she has been with me for many months, why fleas NOW?

Cannabis did not work for sleep, had to take Elavil. I did not do it the right way though - I went to sleep about 1.5 hours after taking in instead of 0.5 hours. So will try again tonight.

[BlueInanna]

The cannabis put me to sleep fairly well, and I only took 1 clonopin instead of 2, didn't take benadryl, or ambien.

Tossed and turned quite a bit before falling asleep. It was hot last night around here, or was it just me?

And I woke up easier than usual this morning, big deal for me, I don't usually wake up easy.

[hamster-bamster]

I have a lot of laundry to do today. The bedding needs to be washed in hot water to get rid of the fleas. And plenty of dirty clothes. Told D. about the fleas. He is terrified! So funny. The thing is, Maddy is skittish and shy, and only recently did I learn to catch her and force-pet her, and little by little this petting makes her a little bit relaxed. And I was proud of myself! Well, all this skin-to-skin contact with Maddy resulted in... my getting fleas! I did not make the connection, though, I was complaining that "some insects are biting me" and taking Benadryl for itching, and my ex said "What "some insects"? Those are fleas, you told me that Maddy has fleas so you must be infested, too! Don't you remember how you had fleas in 2006?" Then I remembered. I did have fleas in 2006. But that is good news - if I got rid of them back then, I will get rid of them now. And he made web searches and learned that the flea season ends in October any way. So hopefully I will be all right. I must say, laundry and cooking and the farmers' market are exactly the kind of distraction from worry that I need today.

Wrote to Steven, asking for a recommendation. Do not expect a positive outcome, but at least I know that I am doing all I can.

[bluemountains]

Thanks for putting the idea of a pedicure in my head, Hamster. Tomorrow is the day I start work, and a pedicure helped me to relax a bit. At least the anxious headache is gone.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by bluemountains

Thanks for putting the idea of a pedicure in my head, Hamster. Tomorrow is the day I start work, and a pedicure helped me to relax a bit. At least the anxious headache is gone.

I am glad! Best of luck tomorrow.

[BlueInanna]

Ok, I'm back for a bit. This is a full house, all 3 kids are home, my mom visiting, and my youngest's father is patching sheetrock holes in the walls from my son, fixing doors, so it's loud and busy, not to mention the 5 cats and a big dog.

Whenever the fleas come, they seem to go away once the animals are treated for it. Advantix is supposed to be the best, but it's expensive, they're all expensive.

A flea jumped in my eye a few weeks ago, I couldn't believe it! I think it was because we had all these fans blowing on a really hot evening. But it took me close to 5 minutes to get it out, that was freaky experience to say the least.

[hamster-bamster]

The wait is grueling. Have to wait until Friday. I am managing pretty well - have been standing all day at my desk today, no sitting at all! (I have a standing desk with an option to sit on a tall chair with a tall foot stool and I have found that when I am underslept or stressed out, I sit down).

[hamster-bamster]

Two more days! And a rejection will be tough to handle: first, I am SO ready to celebrate; second, a rejection would mean a many month long wait for a (possible) second opening, and we know that even weeks of waiting are tough. Oh well! Have to have patience!

[hamster-bamster]

Scheduled a call with a new recruiter for tomorrow. She contacted me through LinkedIn about some mystery position. Trying to prepare other options in case this one does not become available. Feel better now!

Asked Steven about a recommendation; no response - a silent rejection. Handled it surprisingly well.

Now the matter is out of my hands - I have done everything I could possibly do.

[Victoria'smom]

I hope everything goes well.

[hamster-bamster]

Thank you! I am tired of waiting. I am at a point where an answer, even a bad one, seems better than uncertainty. But I know I can handle a rejection well, if need be.

[BlueInanna]

Are you ok, you're up late tonight!

[BlueInanna]

Going to try to sleep now, I hope it goes ok tomorrow Hamster

[hamster-bamster]

The potential employer is clearly working hard to prevent my migraines . I mean, there is no other explanation for their behavior. How did they find out that I have migraines?? I did not put it on my resume...

At any rate, there is a type of migraine called "let-down". It occurs after stress subsides. Often it happens on weekends or in the beginning of a vacation.

So - I have not heard anything about the job! No call; no email. No nothing. It is 5PM on Friday - the work week is over. They leave me hanging. Stress does not subside --> no cause for a let-down migraine.

I have reread the last email from the recruiter and noticed that she only THOUGHT that they would make their decision by the end of this week - she only THOUGHT so - she did not commit.

So, I guess, she thought wrong.

But isn't it unprofessional? If she said she thought they would make the decision by EOW and they didn't, why not let me know that they need more time?

If they do not give me an offer, then I will have to get serious about job search after I come back from my short vacation. I need a permanent job. Something will come along.

[BlueInanna]

i'm sorry you didn't get a response today Hamster, yes they should follow up. but companies are often as vague as they can get away with. and, yes something will come along, something very good will come along for you

does your mini vacation start now? when does D. arrive?

[hamster-bamster]

No, not a mini-vacation yet. Lots of to-dos. Now I have to do a ton of work - I took work home. I will need to spend hours. But that's OK. Tomorrow I will be packing with a little distraction: a long walk to have my eye brows threaded . On Sunday I will be moving and late in the evening ex will go pick up D. from the airport (they know each other) unless he lifts something during the move and damages his back (I hope he does not - a trivial amount of lifting can trigger him though), in which case I will call a taxi (I have one Pakistani guy in a turban whom I use when I need it - he is extremely nice and by text, we communicate just fine, but over the phone? no way - his English is completely incomprehensible. When I text him, I really get to appreciate the gift of literacy!