[Azalysa]

I've always been the type of person who cries easily - when I'm happy or sad. I think it's partly from my Celtic heritage. However, when my illness surfaces in a more severe episode, constant crying is one of the first indicators, then when the meds begin to take hold, the crying decreases and pretty much gets back to "my norm."

I'm having good results thus far from my new med, Lamictal. End of second week of slowly ramping up and can feel a real lift to my mood and desires to "be in the world again" - even for short periods of time.

Which brings me to yesterday - I did more in one day than I have in a long time. One of my close friends was graduating with her B.A. I attended the ceremony and the pizza party afterwards. That afternoon I went to the mall to buy a gift for her.

Since the mall is very close to the theatres that are showing The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and th Wardrobe ~and~ it was opening day, I decided to go to the movie first before heading over to the mall.

While in the shower preparing for my day, I went into a crying jag thinking of my 20-year-old cat, Morris, that I had to put to sleep on 9/23/05. I had run out of Ativan and wouldn't be picking up my refill until later that day. I pulled myself together and headed to the movie.

The movie was wonderful, but in one particular scene, it affected me emotionally and the "waterworks" began again. Really glad I was there by myself in a dark theatre as I cried and cried and had trouble stopping.

Went to my friend's graduation ceremony in the evening, then met her and a group of her family and friends for the celebration afterwards.

Sidenote: I was briefly engaged earlier this year - which turned out disastrously. My friend actually introduced us, thinking we had soooo much in common. I resisted meeting him for 9 months as this time last year, I felt better with my life in and happier and more stable than I had been in years. Finally I agreed that Paul could come to one of my church services if he wanted to meet me.

I was intrigued with his intelligence and his enjoyment of debating the finer theological points of our faith. He asked me to marry him after only knowing him 6 weeks. As another month went by I began to see things that didn't quite add up and advised that until we worked on some pretty major issues, I couldn't set a wedding date. In a series of emails, he showed his true colors and spewed venom at me (at one point calling me the antichrist!!!) This of course was shocking to me to say the least and very disappoinging.

I knew the woman Paul dated prior to me (who is a very good friend of "the graduate") would be at the party. I had seen photos of her but was interested in seeing her "in person." Based on the photos I had seen of her (2 years in the past max) I was surprised to see that she looked significantly older. My friend says she is BiPolar and can have a "prickly" personality. I saw that exhibited quickly at the dinner, although she has a steady boyfriend who was at her side.

During the party, I mentioned I had seen
The Chronicles of Narnia that afternoon. The whole group asked how it was, many of which had read the book. In describing the majesty of the movie, I went into weepy spell #3 for the day, due to a very emotional scene in the movie.

Later on, a new arrival to the party (spunky blonde female) arrived and sat next to me. When she heard my name she said "Oh YOU'RE the one who was engaged to Paul." Then went on to say that she didn't appreciate the fact that right after "he" brok up with my friend's friend (although the story I heard was SHE broke off with him) that he immediately began dating me/got engaged to me; as soon as we broke up, the blonde said he called HER! She turned him down, not liking his jumping from woman to woman.

As I was talking to my friend later in the evening, she apologized again that she had set me up with a kook. I began thinking of my former husband and that, compared to this guy, my husband looked good and if I knew years ago what I know now, perhaps I would not have divorced him - although I believe marriage is for life and did NOT go through the divorce lightly. While I was discussing that with my friend ~ANOTHER~ weeping spell began...in the midst of the party.

Soooooo...the lesson I learned from this is to keep some Ativan with me at all times. That always takes the "edge" off my emotions and let me see things more calmly.

Anyone have any similar experiences with crying when you wished you didn't (especially in public)...and what has worked?

what a heartfelt post, A....i could see your day unfolding and felt as though i were there with you. one of my first indicators that something is wrong is the crying. i keep xanax at home but have decided to start taking some with me to work. one day i was helping a woman frame her art and i started crying looking at the print. it reminded me of days long gone......i don't mind that too much but i don't like it when i can't control it. all in all, it sounds as if you learne d something positive from yesterday. the guy was definitely not for you!! xoxo pat

[dottie]

I feel like crying everytime I visit the Humane Society. I begin to feel overwhelmed and there I a go. I will usually move to another area and ask for spiritual help within. Because, I'll tell ya'..I could cry a river at some of the things going on in this society today.

[DaveyJones]

Yes, I was having a lot of trouble with crying spells--at church I couldn't finish most of the hymns, I was so choked up. sometimes when I was I was driving, an old song would come on the radio and I would start bawling. Kind of like you, A., when describing something I had found moving or significant I would choke back the tears. I had this problem for a couple of years, I think, but it has stopped since I got out of the hospital in October. I guess it's the lithium.

DJ

[darkeyes]

Such sensitivity, is not necessarily related to our disorders or meds., though it can happen. I get times like that, songs, memories, even scents can bring on crying jags.
My former and present psychiatrist have told me it isn't because of my bipolar, it is just that some people feel things with different intensities. Even my former psychologist, and psych. teachers said the same thing.
Throughout my life, not only depression and melancholia would cause me tear up, but even if I were to listen to a live orchestra, view some works of art, or even be content about something. Some, just have a deeper appreciation for the arts.
I must admit though when I use to go to church, a similar thing would occur, just like what Dave described.
I do think it was due to many things that were going on in my life, my kid was a constant target for bullies at this parish school, my dad was sickly, we were fairly new in the neighborhood and state,etc. I often think while being at church, it was a unconscious (sp?) thing that such going ons came forward in my mind, and the things hurting me would surface. I do not know reasons behind the various intensites of people's sensitivity, but I can definately relate to what things in this thread.
Very good topic, Azalysa brought here. Makes one think and ask, "how"? "why"? "when"? and "where"? does this happen.
Thanks for bringing this topic to our forum.

DE

[Junerain]

I, too, cry at many things, especially during therapy it coms pouring out. I believe you have a high emotional intelligence capacity. Have you read the book, "Emotional Intelligence?" I highly recommend it. I look upon your tears as a gift. I was touched even by your post and started to tear up.

Judy Collins came here to sing with our orchestra and when she sang "Amazing Grace" my ex, myself and both my daughters burst into tears. And when I hear the "Star Spangled Banner" and "America, the Beautiful", I always cry.

[Azalysa]

Oh THANK YOU - ALL of you!! Your posts meant so very much to me and less like I'm somehow a "mess" in the crying arena.

I'm STILL crying off and on, feel like a jag coming on now, so I don't know what the deal is. I do know I am a very sensitive person and have always cried easily before my illness surfaced, but sometimes it is just so....unhandy!!

Pat: Oh YES!! The positive in all that is to not only have gotten out of what would have been a marital DISASTER, but to have it confirmed by the women I met at the party, regardless of the emotional wear and tear. I cry every time I hear Sandi Patty's rendition of The Star-Spangled Banner!

Oh, Dottie, going to the Humane Society tears me up. When I just adopted my new furbaby, Kali, I told the workers I just wanted her (based on what I had read about her on the website) and could they please, just bring her out. Nope, I had to go into the kennels. I try to wear "blinders" because I can't stand all the other animals literally begging to be adopted. *sighs*

Davey - Yep, those at church have gotten used to my crying spells there, too! Hmmmmm...if this doesn't clear up soon, maybe I should ask my pdoc about Lithium.

DE - {{{{{{{{DE}}}}}}} Thank you so much for your kind support and reminders that it is not always necessarily an illness thing.

Junerain - A pleasure to meet you and what a sweet comment you left. THANK YOU!!!! No, I've never read Emotional Intelligence but plan to look for it!

Well, I think I'm in VERY good company. Thank you all again so very much for your comments! They made my day!!

[ColoradoK]

Hey there,
I also have a celtic heritage, do you think that affects you? interested to hear!

Kathy

[Azalysa]

Hi, Kathy!

Well, being of Celtic background, in my opinion, research and experience, tends to give one a passion for life, in all its "moods" - joy, sorrow, laughter, tears.

As one of the above posters said, tears (as well as my laughter) makes me realize I'm vibrantly alive...just sometimes the tears seem to become overwhelming.