[~Christina]

OK Update on my nuttiness LOL ..

I did see my T today and as I suspected I am rapid cycling ,,,Oh joy .. he is going to talk to my Pdoc and most likely I will be either upping my medication or my likely i expect to be adding another medication along with Seraquel .. ** Sigh**

My T and I did has a long discussion about the fact that I am having trouble " admitting " to myself that I do infact has Bipolar I .. I think I am typical in not wanting to admit I have a legitimate illness.. Yes... its not differant than if I were diabetic or had a heart problem .. But Im sure as many of you have dealth with its just kinda hard to "admit and learn to live with bipolar " .. I have had Bipolar I now I believe all my life.. But I was always able to keep all the balls in the air and keep moving forward and raising my daughter and basically handling life.. well NOW I really have to face reality and come to terms withmy illness, because it has turned my life completly upside down...

So for now Im going to just wait and hear back what my Pdoc wants to do about my "medication management" of my illness.

My T is such a help to me .. Im very grateful that I feel comfortable enough to be completly honest with him and his willingness to help me.

Thanks everyone

Wishing you all some Peace

[mokie]

Well you are doing great by being honest with your T. It is hard to come to terms and admit that you have BP. It took me over 20 yrs but hey I did it and so will you in due time. Just know your not alone and everyone has been there at one point or another having to finally accept it. I find that now that I know and accepted it it has really helped me with my family and my life. I hope that when you to can accept it you will find a sort of peace of mind and heart that I have found. Not saying this is the best thing to have to go through in life but it can be done.

[~Christina]

Thanks Mokie,
Yeah I dont think anyone with anykind of mental illness is happy they have it and I know things could be ALOT worse .. My T assured me today that over time it will become easier to accept and since i like to beat myself up everything that it may take longer than necessary ,, so i think its time for me to get my butt in gear and deal with the denial.
Thanks for the kind words it real does help knowing im not alone in this mess

Wishing you some Peace ~

[mokie]

Any time morethingswrong, If there is anything that I could help you with or you like to ask feel free to send me PM anytime. We are all here for the same reason and can be here for each other.

[~Christina]

Thanks so much Mokie )))))))

The only reason it wasn't difficult for me to believe was because I only came to the conclusion after I caused a huge downward spiral in my life as a result of my impulsivity, carelessness, & inablility to take the consequences for my decisions. (Mania also gives me a pretty wicked series of ASPD-like qualities!) Not to mention, my mother is type I & my sister is type II. However, I came to the conclusion myself since I've yet to see a professional due to my lack of insurance. But I've always kept very in tune with myself & when I started to notice how I had changed completely over the course of a year, that was some cause for re-evaluation. Now that I've been comfortable with my self-diagnosis for almost a year, it really does help me sometimes to cope with my mood swings once I realize the true cause of my overreactions. Sometimes though, the "beating yourself up" thing kicks in & you feel defective... But you must realize that it's not your fault that you have this & you're not cursed: At your conception, no one could have positively predicted this or decided you were going to have this. And of course you never wished this or brought this upon yourself. It's a flawed, unproductive way of thinking & it helps a ****ton more to use this fact as a point of reference to heal, rather than to crucify yourself.