[~Christina]

Holy cow .. Im glad I see my T tomorrow .. this past week has been one of my weirdest .. One minute im up anad running around cleaning like a lunitic knowing ill pay for it with my fibro pain ( which i did) the other day I was bad down in the "beat myself up for everything mood"

Right now im semi happy one min and sad down and loathing myself the next .. Im very paranoid today ..

My husband and I have been having problems for a couple years now and in march I just blew up and wanted a divorce ,, he wanted a divorce a week before i blew up ,, we finally agreed that due to the finacial issues and his pain from workers comp injury and work forcing him off work ( yes we have a lawyer) and then add on my severe fibromyagia started over a year ago and having been hospitalized for suicidal thought and self harm ..we decided to just stop fighting and he wants me to just go get help.. some days I feel like him and I have a chance ( its a second marriage for both of us)

Today i just keep feeling like he cant wait to be rid of me .. there really is no reason for me to feel this way .. I have episodes of becoming paranoid for no real reason .

Arghhhhh I dont know if im up down or in the middle today .. my thoughts are all over the place .
Sorry I know im rambling .. I have been on Seraquel for about 6weeks now,,it finally allowed me to get sleep ..i despise the weight gain aspect and im struggling with that and my T knows how upset I am over it.. I know I shouldnt worry about 15 lbs considering I was underweight but i deal with anorexia ,, and I have really no self esteem and tons of self loathing ..
Im just making myself worse ..
Can we just stop the world for a minute so I can get off and not feel the need to beat myself up with real problems and problems I make for myself ..
Sigh .......

Wishing you all some Peace ~

[Miss Laura]

Hey Morethingswrong,

Good Luck tomorrow... I hope your T can help you and maybe put your mind to rest over some issues?

[~Christina]

Miss Laura.. Thank you..
I am usally my own worst enemy ...I honestly dont know how to not worry constantly over things.. My T and I have been working really hard and last week he even said the fact that im so honest about how I feel and what I think that he feels my therapy is probably going to get even harder because I am willing to dig thru the issues .

I NEED to work thru alot of issues and he tries to keep me focused on one thing each week ,, but he knows I continue to overthink everthing.. Due to that he talked to my Pdoc and they increased my Seraquel to 400mg at nite ..
I like a wind up toy,, i get all found up and then I wind up spinning all around and making matters worse .
~ deep breaths~

Thanks .. wishing you some peace~

[Miss Laura]

Hey Morethingswrong,

Wow 400mg I am on 100mg and that knocks me out lol!! My CPN did tell me I am a bit "delicate" to the Serequol lol!!

I hope you manage to get through something tomorrow weather it is your moods or your marriage issues. Just remember it takes time to take the creases out of our issues unfortunately

[~Christina]

Creases out of our issues ....<~~~ LOVE that ..it is so true ! Right now I feel like a wadded up magazine LOL .. I have just decided to roll with the punches today .. I seriously HAVE to learn how to relax..
I started out low on seraquel but it just kept getting bumped up. I am hopeful in the future I will be able to decrease ..I despise the side effects but I see where it does benfit me for mood and sleep.

Thank you )))) ,, that really made my day !!!!

[Miss Laura]

Hey Morethingswrong,

Glad I made your day lol

[zbmom]

Waiting for a t appt is always hard. I just keep thinking about what we'll talk about, hell sometimes I have imaginary conversations with her. Maybe it's a little nuts, but it helps me figure out where my issues are at and what I'm feeling. I think it helps me get more out of my sessions too cause I'm not so scattered. Hang in there.

[~Christina]

I see my therapist weekly so its not like I really ever have to wait very long to see him.. altho when I'm all wound up like this even waiting a day can be tough. LOL

I have taken my nite time meds so hopefully I will just be able to settle down and get some sleep and give myself a break for over thinking everythingggggggggggggggg.

Thanks for the help everyone !!!

Wishing you all Peace~

[beatlefreak123]

hello morethingswrong,
you sound a lot like me. My first psychiatrist used to say i overthink too much which i agree. I would dwell on things and they would consume my thoughts for days sometimes. I worked through this in therapy and it has helped quite a bit. Also I went through a very serious bout of anorexia in my early teens. It's been many years since I have recovered from anorexia but the self loathing is still there in the back of my mind. I currently don't have a therapist just a psychiatrist. I'm working on getting a new therapist.

[~Christina]

Hiya Beatlefreak,
Yes we sound alot alike.. I am just trying to learn to deal with everything at once and i need to learn how to slow things down and not overthink everything .. easier said than done. I did see my therapist today and he said im " rapid cycling " like i assumed ,, Its so hard for me to go up and down numerous times a day ,, Ugh ,, exhausting .
I see my Pdoc on average every 2 months ,,but my therapist gets ahold of him if im in need of anything,,so its actually a wonderful situation ,, I see from some posts on here that i need to thank my lucky stars to have such a wonderful T and accesable pdoc ,, Not everyone is so lucky

Feel free to give me a hollar anytime if you just need someone to listen talk to or rant with LOL

Wishing you some Peace ~

I get rapid cycling myself, especially during a mixed episode. Most of the time I feel apathetic, yet agitated & hyperactive & talkative... But there are some times during the day where I either feel overly giddy & exciteable, yet others where I feel miserable & self-loathing... The reason why I even chose to come back to these forums again after leaving for about a month & a half is due to this type of episode. I've been simply bouncing off of the ****ing walls lately. And between BP, as well as racing/repetitive thoughts due to OCD, my mind feels like jelly. Though, I don't have any therapist yet due to a lack of insurance. All I can say is that I wish you the best & it will eventually pass-- It always seems to, especially after you FINALLY get used to being uncontrollably nuts.