Why Should I Keep Doing This?

I don't know why I should keep on doing this--it doesn't make any sense anymore. I can't do anything or get anything right anymore...I find myself paralysed and shaking in terror at the thought of doing almost anything, from getting my car fixed to making my daughters' Christmas presents. I'm almost out of money, andso I can't get food, medicine, ANYTHING---I'm living in a friend's rental house, I'm costing them a bunch of money and I JUST CAN"T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!!

I don't have anywhere to turn I just am at the end of my rope. What should I do???? HOW SHOULD I DO IT?!?!?!?!

DJ... breathe, man, breathe. Things seems to be really hard for you right now. I definitely know the feeling... especially when it comes to not having enough money to do what you need to do. How old is your daughter? Have you tried calling the United Way. They will help you tremendously!! They have helped me this year! I needed it... I just couldn't do it alone.

Have your friends said anything to you about you living in their rental house? Do you have any family you can call for help.. (I realize that sometimes this is just not an option). Call your local department of human services... see if they can help you get low income (or even free) housing. They can also help you get signed up on some type of food assistance.

Do you have a T you can talk to? Sounds like you have some major anxiety issues going on. Maybe talking about it would help. Are you on any meds to help you? If not, there are places that will see you according to your income.

Please PM me anytime you need to. I'm here for ya. Let me know if I can do anything to help.

Love, Jenn

Yeah, anxiety is a major problem for me...usually it results in a nice depressive episode, but I seem to be bypassing that so far. I've begun to cut back on AD's in an effort reduce cycling. It's early yet, but it seems to be working so far.
I've just SOOO much anger and frustration built up inside, my nerves are really shot. Whenever I am faced with a crisis or even a little obstacle, I just freak out and go in to "freeze" mode. Today's was inspired by finding out I was going to have to spend a huge % of remaining funds to fix my po' old truck.

I have a relatively new T, we're still trying to figure out what we're doing. she's at a United Way sponsored agency, so that's affordable...NAMI can help with the meds some I think. I'm applying for disability and such, but that will take months if it works out at all...I've got an appointment the end of January with another pdoc (NP, really) because I can't go see mine anymore...

I guess what really pisses me off is that I have, over the last ten years or so watched BP take almost everything I was or had--my career, my reputation, my self-esteem, my marriage, my friends, my confidence, my home...and I'm just tired of it. (See, I didn't even scream that time. Ain't Xanax grand?)

Thanks for listening. I gotta say, though, it felt really good tohit the keys like that!

DJ

I know whatcha mean.... BP has taken a huge part of who I thought I was and changed it completely around. It's robbed me of plenty.

It's good to see you are feeling some better now.... well, at least calmer... (gotta love Xanax). heh heh..

Hit the keys more often like that... makes ya feel better to let it all out sometimes!!

Bipolar does a number on us. I certainly have suffered a huge amount of losses due to it. And I look back and wonder how my life would have gone, if I had been properly diagnosed. This is the first Christmas in years that I've even remotely cared about it. I lost so much by doing something really stupid..when I divorced, we used the same lawyer. That pretty much cut me off at the knees. I have a small house on a ranch and my truck....some clothes, some antiques and my pets. Every time I have to drive past the big clinic that the ex built with my retirement I want to throw up or cry. Usually I cry. I feel it, Davey. xoxoxo pat

((((((((((((((((((((((DJ))))))))))))))))))))

Thinking of you



Huggles,


Jen

Let's hear it for Xanax!! *smiles*

Sounds like you've got some ideas going and others have offered great ideas...the only thing I can think of adding are food banks in your area - many times sponsored by Christian organizations - also, I keep seeing advertisements from drug companies that if someone can't afford meds, they have a program to provide them. I've seen it on T.V., in magazine ads and probably on various pharmaceutical manufacturer's websites.