[beauflow]

So I have went for the screening but therapy is a week away on starting this lovely journey. Mom, Brother and Sister are all bipolar and think that is what they are aiming for with me- My other sister has mood swings too but IDK if she is bipolar, dont know if I am, My dad with how he would get so depressed then happy with cycles I think fits the description too but he never went in any where and go DX.

Any Who- This last week i have been good- I have stayed up too much but I am good for the most part, though I have question out there that just happened at work. July I was crazy in my head which is what pushed me to go early Aug. and as I told the screener I felt like i was coming out of my depression- Any who I just wanted to ask about something that happened today- IDK where to put this... It just has made me think so much after words.

I was talking to a co-worker and they mentioned something that sat off a "pet peeve" with me, which is that they can not ask others for information, except me, for the others I work say they don't have the resources...
We all have the same resources, it just takes a person to do two clicks on of the mouse and to look and to read to find information off of the computer.... the laziness is what really gets me- and that these people make themselves out to be morons. IDK Why it bothers me so but it has for the years I have worked here since '07.

I do realize that this upsets me, but I am able to "let it go" at times saying whatever-

and then there are other times like what happened just a little bit ago (like 2 hours ago)..

My Co-worker told me that (Again mind you he is older IDK If he forgets he has already told me this stuff) but I got mad, and since I was talking I went on a rampage about how people are just lazy and I felt the need to show this co-worker what my fellow co-workers in my part of the dept. needs to do to find information.. I was so mad, and he could tell... It just happened with out me thinking- I tried to take deep breaths but my mind was still on a roll with it. after I was done- I took a last deep breath and paused, and I apologized to him for getting so upset. He said it was fine..... I dont think this is fine- I have done this for almost 5 years now here- Will I ever let go- and Is this something that is contributed to Bi-polar?

Thanks all- I am going to talk to the Therapist about work things- there is more than this but this is what happened today-- talking I cant seem to make my emotions and thoughts to become constructive

Writing- after a few hours I am usually able to though (I try best with writing to take out emotions- talking though and in the moment it just happens and I cant seem to make it constructive)

[lad007]

BP's have trouble letting things go that upset us. I find it hard to determine in advance what may do this. But since it is a pet peeve of yours and you know you might get po'd you can remove yourself from the situation. I take a walk or listen to a 10 minute meditation cd. I have yelled at my boss, but don't do that anymore using the above techniques. Unless you are doing surgery or something you can probably walk away and collect yourself.
Parts of our brain are on overdrive like impulse control and fight or flight, so that probably will not change, but we can try things to avoid going off.

[SunAngel]

When I worked, I did the work of about 3 or 4 people because I was always manic. I used to get upset all the time because my co-worker just couldn't keep up with me. I even reported her to our boss and had it out with her while in my bosses office.

The thing that got me the most, was my co-worker, who was a lot older than me, would just sit at her desk and do crossword puzzles while I did the work of about 3 to 4 people.

This used to put me in a rage and I was always having it out with her. I remember my mom telling me to stop doing all this work because they will keep expecting me to do all this work all the time.

I was very impulsive about what I said to my co-worker and impulsivity and BP Disorder go hand and hand, as does rage.

If you have a therapist, she can work with you on these issues.

I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in your feelings, anger and impulsivity.

Please talk to a therapist so you can work on these things that are occruring at your job.

[mokie]

When I was working I also had this going on. I was always beeing pressured to not do so much or learning more things. I hated that others were lazy and wanted to just do the minimum amount of work to meet their quota. I was always the one they asked for answers as well. Everyone had the same info. Everyone hated me in the depts cause I made them look bad. So they said. I just told them I wanted to achieve more and move up in the company unlike them who just wanted to get stuck getting paid the same and never move up. Now that I look back at this I do realize that it was the BP talking and thinking. I still think this way though. The only thing that I can say is that I actually did get promotions even when I was the only one that had no experience or less time at the job that got promoted. Your not alone.

[beauflow]

Thank you all.
Yeah i've tried to remove myself at times in past but sometimes i'm too wrapped up. Geez yelling and arguing with supervisor i have done too but earlier this year i finally started walking a way after reading an article about how it's unprofessional for lower workers to get upset and the gave some suggestions on what to do. I've tried my best.
My supervisor and i have an odd relationship- that meaning she has seen my mood swings i think but yet understands my frustration with others. We still bicker at times but it has gotten better. There are still at times i think i'll get fired.
Last tuesday i did a walk after getting mad at work that did help but when i came back to my desk i got mad again after a few hours like i couldn't let it drop.

Yeah i will talk about this with the therapist i will be seeing if we click my first appt is in about a week. These things scare me at times, cuz is it why i get passed on lead positions then i know i couldn't deal with lead at the same time cause i get so mad and over worked up. And also i don't get it why i get so mad cause this job in a way this is a dead end job, lead is the only position highest right now which isn't saying much. Thank you all - it's good to know i'm not alone, i will try better on things.