Sorry, just really need to get this off my chest.

Ok, so Monday I started working at a meat packing plant and I felt really great then I did the math on the income and came up with what I already knew, it wasn't near enough money. I finally applied for aid from the government and now I feel worthless. I can't pay my bills, I can't pay my child support, I can't afford to buy a car that I need. I've been spiraling downwards for a long time and I just can't get my feet under me. I am at a point where I need other people to support me and it really is destroying me. I'm not even sure if I will be granted any aide and I just don't care, I'm almost hopping that I don't get any. I've worked since I was 15 and always managed, if barely, to get by. I raised three children while I paid for my ex-wife to go to school for nursing. I worked two jobs when needed and never had any reservations about it. Then I had a breakdown and my life crumbled around me. My wife left me, I was self employed but couldn't manage to keep it going any more. I lost a lot of work because I just couldn't commit to it anymore and it showed in my work. My mother passed and it was just to much. So here I am trying to live my life and I just can't come up with the reasons I used to have to keep it up. I really don't know how to start it seems like I don't have anything left even though I know I do. I need to talk to someone I just can't and I know part of it is pride and I can't admit it to someone in person so I am hoping this will help. I know I'm reaching the breaking point again and am struggling to avoid getting there I need to work at least it's something and if I end up in the hospital I am screwed even worse than I am now. I was on Lexapro and found an agency in ohio that can discount it but it is still $110, how can that possibly help? It just seems that there is no hope for the future, that things will never get better.

There is always hope Martek! Sometimes one needs to be hopeful to the point of foolishness! You've had a rough time. Financial problems are not light ones. And then your wife leaving and losing your mother. I might not be able to help much, but I'm willing to listen if talking would make you feel better. PM me whenever you feel the need

I am so sorry you're having financial problems. I hope you do get government aid. I can understand you feel bad about it but being able to support yourself financially is really important, and it's not like you aren't trying or anything. Good luck.

I feel your pain. I almost loss everything when I got sick but I worked for the State of Michigan and got my benefits after taking the State to court. I was afraid my family would be homeless. I just sat on my porch and worried about it while chainsmoking and drinking very heavily. I ended up with a alcohol induced cardiopathy(weak heart) and now have apacemaker to keep me alive. I am ok in the morning but as the day goes on I get very anxious and tired. I lost my dad a couple years ago and it triggered an depressive state but not a long one. I take my meds and am fairly stable with hypomania. I get reviewed every year for my benefits and worry about it all the time. I am lucky because I own my house and three cars. My wife and I are still together(35 years)but I want a divorce but can not afford one. I hope things work out for you. You are not alone. We are hear to listen even if it is a rant. Goodluck.

I know I just keep on going up then down like a rollercoaster and can't seem to get anything together. One minute I'm on top of the world and an hour later I'm falling into the abyss. I just need to stabilize but can't seem to manage.

Yeah, that's what life is for us bipolars: a rollercoaster ride! Treatment (meds, therapy,etc.) helps sometimes but not always. Not even all the mood stabilizers in the world can make you feel stable when your life is falling to pieces. I will pray and hope that the hard times will pass.