still feeling rather depressed. My bf keeps telling me that I can talk, because I am being so quiet. He has worked so much this week and I know he is stressed to the max. We haven't seen much of each other this week, making me feel pressured to talk , but I don't have anything non depressing to say and I know that would be negative for him so I am just being quiet. Ahh so fun.

I haven't really seen any people aside from my bf and kids in almost 3 weeks. This is not good. I have no friends.

My house is a disasters, my ocd clean house is a mess, and that's stressing me out. The only thing that has helped me be able to sit with the akathisia is knitting because my hands are still moving. Today is payday, normally that makes me happy, but not today, all I can think is paying bills, and the bank, and teller, and figuring out numbers, and groceries, and no car, and ugggh

And then there is the kids when the come home from school. Which is actually fine, not too much stress there. Unless they are arguing or begging me to take them places.

Anyone try light therapy? I have no idea how much this costs, but I was thinking it might be a good idea. It I'll be grey skies from now until spring here. Antidepressants have always made me more sick. Really that's too bad.

I don't want to deal with today, I just want to to curl up and disappear . But that's not going to happen

[Trippin2.0]

Awww Anika, i wish you didn't feel so bad... Remember to be kind to yourself please. Gentle hugs 2 you...

Thanks Tripping, I will try to be kind

You are not alone..

[vanessaG]

Im sorry your feeling like that today (
Sometimes when i feel like that, maybe you can just treat yourself a lil bit and curl up on the couch with a blanket and watch you fav shows or a funny movie? Sometimes that kinda gets me outta my own headspace for a bit

the more I hide under a blanket the more depressed I get, but I will try and find something nice for myself, right now I am thinking retail therapy haha how positive. I am really trying to tell myself opposites , do the opposites of what I want to do. Maybe a stop at a thrift store, less damaging to my pocket. I spent sooo much money while I was manic.
I thought I was going to get a period of wellness after the last long manic phase, but I haven't had a wellness period since before last summer. I am supposed to be starting volunteer work at Canadian Mental Heath shortly here. That should at least help get me out of the house and around people. Sorry just trying to think of some positives right now, trying to remember everything I learnt in psych group.

Thanks for your support here everyone,I love pc, defiantly makes me feel less alone.

[GreenIvy]

I hope the depression does not last long for you.

I haven't tried the light therapy but have done a lot of reading on it as well reading about dark therapy too. A small study showed that doing light therapy in the morning can induce hypomania/mania but doing it in the afternoon did not have the same side effect. There is also a sunrise clock that is used in the morning before and during waking up. I haven't seen any studies showing if it might have the same possible side effect as morning light therapy. I actually plan on trying the sunrise clock this fall to see if it helps me any.

[venusss]

shop just a little and for something... usefull. But treat yourself a bit. Don't stay home. Go out and stimulate your senses a bit. Change of environment seems to help me often.

my daughter came home from school sick , now all the kids are home, not feeling much better. And unfortunately it is chore time. I am gonna have to force myself to do it weather I want to do it or not..

[dragonfly2]

Hi Anika - sorry to hear you're feeling down lately. I use a light box in the winter, starting around mid November, actually. I bought a Go Lite online and it works really well. It's actually a new blue light technology and has a lot of good features. It's small, so it's very portable. It has a timer so you can set how long you want it to be on. You can change the light intensity if you don't need it on full brightness. It also has an alarm clock with a sunrise setting, mimicking the gently increasing light with a slowly increasing chime alarm. I usually sit with it for about 30 minutes in the morning, but I do have to watch for hypomania. I've used the old style traditional (read: huge and bulky) full spectrum lamps before and this one just seems more manageable and the technology is sound. You can search for "goLite Blu" online and find it if you're interested. I'm not sure how the Canadian system works, but if you get a prescription from your doctor for it, is there any chance your medical system will cover it? The US govt recognizes light boxes as tax-deductible medical expenses, as long as you have the script.

I hope you feel better soon. And try to enjoy the thrift store shopping! There's something to be said for some controlled retail therapy.

[Starchild3]

I just wanted to say you are not alone. Your story sounds exactly like mine except I also work which sometimes helps but is another stressor. My husband works 60+ hrs a week and I try not to complain too much. I have no social life and ruin it every chance I get close to having one. I don't have any advice but just hang in there

My sister made me work out with her. Babysat my niece. Did chores dinner and lunches for tomorrow homework with the kids. And I am too pooped to feel anything. Good I guess

[zbmom]

Ever tried taking vitamin D before?

[roads]

Oh, dear, sick children do make us focus--but they rip the stuffings out of self-care!

I'm so sorry to find you down, dear sweet Anika! (((gentles)))

Now please give this some real consideration because it came to me when I wondered (as I so offer do wonder), "What would Pippa do?"

Equine therapy.

That's right. Please.

Your friend,
the Roadrunner beep! beep!!. (shush!)

[BlackPup]

sorry you are not feeling well. I agree with your theory of doing opposite to what you feel like. When I just want to hide in bed I know its the very thing I shouldn't do!!!! (same for when I want to stay up all night...)
Glad u had plenty of distractions to keep you busy and that you got a work out in cos that can really help. Hope you feel better soon.

[SunAngel]

Anika, I am so sorry you are feeling this way. What I do is to pick one thing a day to do regarding chores and usually get them done.

I have to agree with controlled retail therapy. It feels so good to buy something for yourself.

I hope you feel better soon.

[jlock4507]

Anika- I'm sorry you are feeling this way. Just know that you are not alone, and if you ever want to talk I am just a PM away. I hope you feel better soon Thinking of you.

thanks everyone , you are all so supportive, that means so much to me

I went to the mall to meet my bf for lunch. I dunno I had an all out melt down in the mall, in pubic. Just crying. Not the first time, probably not the last, but I hate that, I just can't keep my head about me, not to mention embarraising . And after I feel so awful. I just came home and cried...my emotions are so right at the surface, I can't keep them down. But my house is so quiet and empty I don't want to be here either..

and I know what pippi would do, she would sing, throw her horse around her head and do some chores, while making a massive bubbly mess

[Anneinside]

Originally Posted by Anika

I have no idea how much this costs, but I was thinking it might be a good idea. It

They aren't cheap but if you have insurance you can get a prescription and buy it at a medical supply store and your insurance will probably pay for it.

That dragonfly for all the info on the light. We are not covered here for it. But my boyfriend said he will get it for me early birthday present .

[Phoenix_1]

(((((Anika))))) so sorry you're not feeling well.

The Golites are available here,
http://www.philips.ca/c/energylight/...ONSUMER%3Dtrue

or at Costco, possibly cheaper.
http://www.costco.ca/Browse/Product....rodid=10329590

I know two people who have them, and they love them. They have SAD, not BP, so maybe we should limit how long we use them for, or maybe just use them in the afternoon, like someone said here.

Thanks Phoenix, the link at Costco is the cheapest I've seen. I think I'll go for that one. I'm excited to see how it helps. I'll defiantly let you know.

Still feeling really depressed. I know I need to find something to do , as I am on disability and never see people. But I just don't feel like doing anything. I have an old dresser I just stripped down and restained that someone had painted black. I never put a real finish on it yet, I could do that I guess, but it's quite heavy so I'd have paint fumes in my room. I don't sleep in there when I am down anyways, I sleep on the couch.

Ahh I feel horrible. And the kids will be home soon, so I better pull it together. It's pretty grey out today and that isn't helping. I really need to go grocery shopping but I don't know if I can handle the busy store, and the cab ride home right now.