Bipolar 2 Disorder. It has a name.

Hello. I have had a hard time drafting in my head what I wanted to say, since I'm not sure that I actually believe anyone can say anything that will help me or make me feel any better right now. But here I am, and I won't know unless I try so here goes...

I have been married for 9 years, and with my husband for 12. I have always been a bit odd -- "quirky" if you will -- and prone to mercurial moods and flights of fancy. I once started a cake business out of my house and did marathon 20 hour sessions of decorating to make really fantastic designs. I have always waffled between periods of depression and periods of "happiness" which I now know were actually periods of mostly hypomania. After my second child was born I descended into the pit of a true post-partum depression. It was horrific, and my husband sacrificed immensely to pull me through. That was the first in a string of major depressive episodes over the next six years. (I didn't know it at the time, but my first major depressive episode actually happened in college, when I was 19. I didn't know what depression was, as my family wasn't one that really ever discussed or believed in mental illness for "normal people".)

Earlier this year I suffered a miscarriage at 12 weeks (after a month of knowing it was possibly an imminent event). I went a bit off the rails after that; I started drinking much more than my usual social glass or two. I started going out alone in the evenings and on weekends, and walking around new towns and places. I basically began to cut emotional ties with everyone in my life, though that was never something I consciously decided to do.

A few weeks ago, my husband (who has had frequent occasions for business travel over the course of our marriage) went away for a week abroad for business. It happened to be the same week I started some college courses (Never having finished the first time due to the aforementioned depressive episode) and that our 2 oldest kids started school. Our second child actually started kindergarten that week, which was an emotionally charged event all by itself.

I had a babysitter to help me that week, and so by the end of the week when a school friend suggested we go out for drinks to decompress I jumped at the chance.

That night I drank more than I can actually remember (I stopped counting after 5 or 6 mix drinks) and ended up with my "friend" driving me to a house party with some guys we met at the bar. I had sex with a perfect stranger I had just met in the grass behind the house.

When I met my husband I was a virgin. I have always been faithful to him and, until that night, had never gone past second base with anyone else.

Needless to say, when I came to my sense I was shattered. I confessed to my husband the minute he walked in the door (I had decided to tell him, but planned to wait until he had a chance to settle in after getting home from a long international flight. That didn't happen, I burst into tears the moment I saw him.)

After a few days of hell, he mentioned that someone he confided in asked him if I was bipolar. He didn't think so, but he started actually LEARNING about what bipolar disorder is, and a lightbulb came on. We sat down and made a list of every episode, either up or down, that we could remember from the past six years. It was a very long list. I shortly entered treatment with an IC and a pdoc and now, about a month out, I am a diagnosed bipolar 2 and doing everything I can to salvage a shattered marriage and a broken life.

So now I am here. I don't know if anyone else got diagnosed after a one night stand. I remember very little of the actual infidelity and, in fact, I'm fairly sure I could pass the guy on the street and not recognize him. Between the alcohol and the state of mind I was in, I remember only a few details and a few explicit moments of the event and the hours leading up to it.

I am gutted. My husband is a wreck, and is now also in IC. We don't have many friends where we live; we moved here for the kids, but have had a hard time making friends outside of acquaintances from kids activities. My husband and I have always been best friends, and kept each other entertained. We have always been one of those couples people envied, because we have been so happy in our self-contained little world. Now we find ourselves without sufficient support to get us through this.

He sought support on a forum for people whose spouses have been unfaithful. And now, I guess, I am here... seeking .. I'm not sure what. Maybe just someone who understands the smallest part of what I am going through. Is there anybody out there... anybody with BP who found it turned them into someone, even momentarily, that they didn't recognize...

Just sending my queries out into the ether, and hoping somebody is listening. Thanks.

((HUGS))

I hope everything works out for you in the end.<3 I can only send my support!

The only IC I know is Intensive Care... what is the IC you are talking about?

Your story is so recognizable to me. I am married for a second time for 18 years. I wasn't officially diagnosed BP1 until 2008 (and I am 48 years old). As I examined my life I realized I had been depressed, hypomanic and manic since my teens but I was undiagnosed. I varied between serious depressions and hypomania during my college years. I dropped out of college in my junior year. I started more than one business and pulled all-nighters working at them. Throughout these experiences my drinking increased. I then had 6 or 7 years of depression and was diagnosed Major Depressive. Then I escalated into mania in 2008 and I had 2 affairs along the way. I was hospitalized for a week at the height of the mania. My husband to this day only knows about one affair. Before that time I had never been unfaithful.

We learned about BP together after my diagnosis. We also went into counseling to deal with the damage in our relationship from the affair. I don't think it matters if it was a one-night stand or a longer term involvement. The fact is, with BP, (especially the mania IMO), YOU are not controlling IT, IT is controlling YOU. During these episodes, rational decision making is virtually non-existent.

The way it's worked out for us is that my husband and I came to understand that I was not rational or in control when it happened and we've worked on re-building the trust that was demolished when I was manic. It sounds like you are doing the right thing by being in counseling together. We found a counselor who had knowledge of BP and I think that was important. Your infidelity wasn't the "garden variety" of cheating. You were ill when it occured so it has to be viewed in that context. It will take a year (sometimes longer) to start to get back the trust that was lost. Things are often shattered in the fall out of BP behavior. My decision has been to work on accepting the diagnosis, getting a good P-doc, seeing what meds work best, and including my husband in helping me monitor my moods so as to prevent another escalation. I know how you feel with the guilt and despair. In my experience it can work out OK with love, understanding, patience, counseling and medication but it will take time. I know it's difficult when you're in the thick of things, but try not to be so hard on yourself. To begin with, if you can both work at understanding and accepting that you were really sick and not in control mentally when the incident occured it will be the first step to healing.

Maybe individual counseling?

Sorry that you are in such a stressful situation. I hope that PC can provide the support that you need at the moment.

Have you seen a doctor and therapist yet?

Brief Update. I am seeing both a pdoc and a tdoc (IC= Individual Counselor). I have been in therapy before, and was treated several years ago by a psych for ADHD and depression. Funny how often that seems to happen to BP2's before they are finally diagnosed, from what I am reading.

I am on Seroquel XR 50mg at night to help me sleep. Over the summer I was down to 2-3 hours of sleep most nights, but couldn't figure out why I couldn't sleep. I kept telling my husband it must just be insomnia from stress. Go figure.

I was started on Lamictal but my initlal liver panel came back with slightly elevated enzymes, so they stopped it and did a new blood draw on Friday. I expected those results yesterday, but since I go to the satellite office they don't always get the results as fast. I should get those results today and if they are going down I will restart titration on the Lamictal.

My therapist basically asked me if I am an alcoholic. The answer is an emphatic NO. I drink socially, and this summer my drinking increased to 6-7 drinks a week. The last month before the episode, I had started drinking a jigger of whiskey on the rocks instead. I do not even LIKE whiskey -- the smell and taste have always made me gag, but somehow I learned to love it that month. Anyway, I have also been training for a 5k (I'm a slow but steady runner, so I don't worry about speed just endurance enough to finish the 3.1 miles) so I was taking green tea extract to help with the running and to help burn some calories since I held on to a lot of weight after my pregnancies. With the miscarriage I had gained about 10 pounds in those 3 or so months, mostly from stress eating I would guess.

Anyway, I read over the weekend that green tea extract can elevate liver enzymes in some people, so I am guessing it was the combo of whiskey and that which elevated my levels. I have not had a drink or taken any green tea since the event, so hopefully I get the go ahead to restart meds today. Obviously, my husband is also anxious for me to restart the meds.
The intrusive thinking has not gone away, though it has settled into a dull roar now that I have removed as many stressful things from my life as I can. I withdrew from school, my husband is waiting to accept a job offer closer to home to get his 2 hour commute down to 20 minutes, and we have pared down my social commitments to the bare minimum. I am focusing on exercising 3 times a week, minimum, and spending quality time with the kids. I also do work from home every afternoon, and until now was also taking care of my youngest while I worked. now he is going to a sitter for those few hours each day so that I can work without that stress.

All of this seems to be helping.

I have also been re-examining my life in light of this diagnosis. Our whole marriage, we have always had the talk that it was a bit of a snare that I never had time to "Sow my oats" before I met and married my husband. I guess I thought that what I was feeling was just frustration at that. Now, I realize I could probably have slept with dozens of people before I met him and it would not have had any effect on the hypersexuality, except perhaps to make it worse because I would have removed the small boundaries and defenses I have been able to keep in place to keep myself in check.

Adding intense stress and a massive quantity of alcohol to the mix that one night knocked those barriers down flat and led to the biggest mistake of my life.

My goal now is just to see that those barriers are re-erected and reinforced more effectively. Knowledge is power, right. Or is it just wishful thinking to think that knowing what I am dealing with will help me to resist it better... I don't really know. My husband is afraid that the meds won't help with this issue, because he works with a woman with BP2 who has an open marriage due to her inability to control her hypersexuality. I guess it was their way of coping, but that's not something either my husband or I feel we could live with. (Even though I did ask him about it in a general way over the summer. My trying to find a way to merge the fact that I love and want to be with him with the overwhelming desire to act out on my impulses.)

Anyone else here with issues with the destructive power of hypersexuality who has been able to control it, either with meds or with cognitive therapy, who would care to share, I would be interested to know either on the board or via PM. Thank you.

This is all based on my personal observations and experience, so my opinions, etc. are not meant to be advice...Regarding the wild oat sowing...I sowed a lot of wild oats before I was married the first time and dated a lot of men. I lived a footloose and fancy-free life even after I was married (at age 25). That is to say I partied, traveled around the world, etc. I was faithful but I didn't even entertain the idea of having a baby until I was 33 years old and we were married for 8 years. I have met and worked with women though, who married their sweetheart at 18, 19, 20 and had 2 or 3 kids then felt like they "missed something" and started flirting, then having sexual relationships with male colleagues. I guess maybe this is an "oat sowing" delayed reaction?!

Hypersexuality is one of the symptoms that can occur with BP 1/2 mania/hypomania but insofar as I know it's not a hallmark factor for BP when BP is properly managed with medications, etc. I try not to be judgmental. My understanding of "open marriage" is that it's more an agreed upon and shared philosophy rather than a panacea for hypersexuality. I'm reluctant to make an armchair diagnosis, but if a BP person isn't hypoman/or manic I don't think hypersexuality is a big issue. Maybe something else is going on in addition to BP? Like sex addiction?

I can pinpoint down to the day, almost, when the hypersexuality started this time. It's always been something that came up for a period of time, and then went away. This time it started just after my miscarriage. I even told my husband at the time "There is something wrong with me. I just lost our baby, so WHY am I suddenly horny all the time - it doesn't make sense!" I stopped talking about it after a bit, but it never really went away.

I love the signature that talks about getting rid of the gnomes in one's head. That's how I am viewing the manic impulses at this point. It hasn't been just sex, it's been various ridiculous ventures over the years. At one point I became obsessed with getting a puppy, and spent 3-4 hours or more every day looking for "exactly the right dog" online. Once we actually got the dog, within a week, I was over it. I had moved on to something else. There have been "business ventures" that never got off the ground, but still ended up in expensive equipment purchases before I gave up on them. (Tried to start a photo studio in my house. Started a cake decorating sideline out of my house that actually did quite well -- thanks manic creativity! -- but ended after I exhausted myself with weeks and weeks of marathon (14 hours+) cake decorating sessions. This summer I was awake at 3am writing down ideas for a book that came so fast I could hardly get the pen to paper to write fast enough.... and the list goes on and on and on...)

Basically, once the BP2 diagnosis fell into place, the last decade or more of my life suddenly made sense in a way it never had before.
My liver enzymes are back to normal so restarted the Lamictal today. Still taking the seroquel - 50mg - for sleep at night. Took it a bit too late last night (8pm) so was awake until 10pm and had a hard time waking up at 6:30... so my husband let me sleep in until 7 when I got up and got breakfast for the family before the kids had to head to the school bus. Will be heading to the gym in an hour or so to get in a run... I am running in a 5k this weekend, and I find having something short-term to look forward to is very helpful in keeping me focused on something positive rather than getting carried off by the "gnomes".

BTW I now imagine the gnomes in my head whenever I feel the treadmill starting up again, and then I imagine chasing the little buggers away with a broom. I have promised my husband that I will draw him a picture of what this looks like. They look suspiciously like the Travelocity gnome, little brightly colored pointy hats and all, and when I chase them they scatter like roaches. I realize this sounds ridiculous, but maybe that's what helps. The visualization helps rid my head of the thoughts, and the absurdity of the image makes me chuckle a bit... which helps clear my head even more, because it's hard to be filled with manic rage and angst whilst one is giggling at gnomes.

Hugs to you Elyria!

I also was prompted to seek help with a Psychiatrist after infidelity. Also, looking back on my life so many things became very clear after my diagnosis. I'm glad to know that the medications are working for you.

I love your Gnome analogy! I am totally going to use that when I start to have impulses!

Elyria, I can relate to everything you have said, almost word for word. My husband and I made it through, huge learning process, but, it can be done. I'm happy to say our relationship has survived infidelities, by me. I don't remember any of them, but, I know it has happened. I think its all about the relationship you and your husband have. Be strong, you can get through it,

Thanks, kj44. My question for you, I guess, would be did the infidelities all happen before you were diagnosed, or did any of them happen while you were on meds.

My biggest fear at this point is something like this happening again. I owned up to with my husband immediately, and he almost killed himself. I am terrified that even with meds and therapy I have the potential to do anything like this again. If that is the case, I honestly have to consider whether it is better to let him go now rather than to destroy him over the coming years. He is gung ho at this moment to designate himself my caretaker and is outlining parameters and restrictions to help keep me from doing anything I don't really want to do, but he is also totally confident that with meds and therapy and precautions I will never put him through this again. I never would have thought I could do it the FIRST time, so I am not so confident that it won't happen again, meds or no meds.

So my question is... can I be reasonably sure it won't happen again as long as I take proper precautions, or will I likely do something like this again now that it has happened once? Did anyone manage NOT to do it again with proper meds and therapy, or did anyone have an incident WHILE on meds and in counseling? Anyone?

HI,I have been diagnosed since I was 13. I have never took my meds correctly, I was not on meds while doing this. I preferred to medicate myself with liquor. I can tell you as long as I stay clear of liquor, I'm ok. I am currently going through therapy again, I'm very happy with my therapist, and he is very good looking.LOL, My husband was destroyed for a while, I was going to move out, but, he is a determined man, thank goodness!! Almost 19 yrs later. It is my opinion only, that hyper sexuality is common in bipolar community. Your not alone, I'll listen, but!! You must know, I am NOT a DR!! Just an opinionated woman, much love...

as i am bipolar 2 and a recovering alcoholic, i believe i used alcohol as a sort of self medication to get rid of the insanity i was feeling. if you think you have a problem with alcohol, investigate it, just like you did with your other illness.

Hi Lost In. I have looked at this. I was definitely self medicating this summer, but as I have not had a drink in the month since my episode, and only once did I get to the point where I thought "Oh my god I could use a drink right now" I don't think alcohol is an overlying issue. I seem to drink a lot when manic only. Now that I am on meds, alcohol is taboo for the foreseeable future. Maybe some day I will be able to have a glass of wine with dinner, but that day is a very log way off, if it exists at all.