[kj44]

I've been thinking of just walking away, homeless, whatever happens, happens. Anyone else ever feel that?? I'm not afraid, as I have been homeless before, but, I have somewhere now, why would I want to go back??

Not me, I spent a good part of my life homeless, and I don't want to go back. Maybe because its a different kind of pressure/non-pressure, I don't know why. Sometimes I feel like running away, maybe that's similar.

[kj44]

Yea, running is similar. Maybe that's it, I do run, whenever the urge strikes!

I used too run a lot too, It took me a long time to learn how to stay put, but whenever I get depressed I still have the urge to run.

[kj44]

Well, we have something in common, always nice to meet people like me, the world doesn't seem so lonely!

[kindachaotic]

My dogs have kept me from running especially the last 6-8 months.

How are ya gonna haul 4 of um around... Wouldn't be fair. So never mind how I feel.

[mokie]

I too have felt like running. I have my husband, daughter and Mokie who keep me from acting on the impulse.

[Morningdove]

I have thought about running myself. It would be so easy. All my kids are grown and my husband is trying to us me to be his own icebreaker for sex with other people. It stinks and I just want to leave here. Get away from his pressure. I would be free.

[kj44]

I am so sorry Morningdove, my husband has also introduced me to that scene. It set me off on a long running cycle I'm pretty sure I know how you feel. But, when I'm manic, I enjoy it, then, its as awful as you could imagine. It's as though he uses it, like bargaining power. Because, I'm so up and down, he deserves it. IDK, I only do it while manic.

[mgran]

I know how you feel, i see my future after my son has left home, and I imagine just wandering off somewhere and giving up. I'll try not to, obviously, no matter how old he is it would be very traumatic for him, but i find it very hard to envisage a future. Just giving up sometimes seems like the least exhausting option.

[kj44]

Right, suddenly your not a caregiver anymore! Been there! Now, I have a part time job doing just that! It helps

[venusss]

when i travelled in Albania I met plenty people on the run from life. Do-gooder who used to work of UN and other organizations, but now wanted "me-time". 19 year old girl who was taking time off from school and boyfriends. American who used to work for Big Pharma (I had to laugh when she confessed that), now "waiting to be able to get back to the sheghen... as I overstayed... but I don't wanna and the prices are sweet and nobody cared when i am not wearing shoes").

Also during visit in Russia (they were there as volunteers, but they have been almost manically cruising the country between the cities and god-forgotten places, talking about their life at home with disdain, drinking too much, sleeping too little).

In France I met two Slovak homeless guys with dog and rabbit and run-away French girl (she escape abusive boyfriend). They were homeless by choice, it is warm in the south and people always give them few euros to buy food and cheap wine, bone for the dog and carrot for rabbit.

I have India as back up plan for when things get worse and I will feel I am tipping over the edge. I have a plan to run. I used to always carry my passport with me in case "I had to leave the country suddenly).

... but you know what? You can never ran away from yourself and your demons. No matter how far and to what absurd place you run.

(India is nice though).

[Detach]

Originally Posted by Morningdove

my husband is trying to us me to be his own icebreaker for sex with other people. It stinks and I just want to leave here. Get away from his pressure. I would be free.

This is HORRIBLE!!!!!!!!!

Originally Posted by KJ44

my husband has also introduced me to that scene. It set me off on a long running cycle I'm pretty sure I know how you feel. But, when I'm manic, I enjoy it, then, its as awful as you could imagine. It's as though he uses it, like bargaining power. Because, I'm so up and down, he deserves it. IDK, I only do it while manic.

Talk about taking advantage of a person when they are sick, my god, shame on him! If this happened to me I would leave my husband so fast his head would spin! The point is not if you enjoyed it while manic...That's like enabling an alcoholic with a bottle of booze. Not right, he should help protect you from yourself, not feed the impulsiveness for his own gain and selfishness.

Just my 2 cents.

[kj44]

I will have to do some research on India,I'm an American who's been no further then America, lol. I would really like something warm and quiet! Thanks!

[kj44]

Originally Posted by dijmart

This is HORRIBLE!!!!!!!!!


Talk about taking advantage of a person when they are sick, my god, shame on him! If this happened to me I would leave my husband so fast his head would spin! The point is not if you enjoyed it while manic...That's like enabling an alcoholic with a bottle of booze. Not right, he should help protect you from yourself, not feed the impulsiveness for his own gain and selfishness.

Just my 2 cents.

Your right, but, some people have nothing else, maybe that's why I want to be homeless.

[cin1]

Originally Posted by kj44

I've been thinking of just walking away, homeless, whatever happens, happens. Anyone else ever feel that?? I'm not afraid, as I have been homeless before, but, I have somewhere now, why would I want to go back??

with my last episode of mental illness, after being treated in a hospital my h. told me that he thought about just walking away. not taking his bike, any extra clothes, nothing, and not looking back. it would have been like he just disappeared. i do understand the desire, but i also know for me, it wouldn't be a option. Plus i am thankful my h is still around. hope whatever you decide works for you.

[SunAngel]

I have had to urge to run, but never did because of my husband and my dogs.

I don't think I could even make it being homeless. I like the security of my own home.

[rjaimz]

I also have the urge to run, and the sad part about it is that I do run. I run often. I run all the time. I have been back and fourth between texas, oklahoma, and new mexico 12 times in the last 6 months. The sad part about it is that my entire family lives in ohio. I haven't even gone there in years. I have no family outside of ohio and for some reason I refuse to go back there. I am really trying to focus on getting better and staying put for awhile. I really do understand where you are coming from. I have actually never been homeless as of yet, however I have came too close for comfort a few times. I hope you find some comfort, security and healing on your journey. Have you thought about going to a friends house to stay for a couple days to get away and take some you time. That is much safer than the homeless route. Maybe the couple days is actually all you would need to reset.

[Detach]

Originally Posted by kj44

Your right, but, some people have nothing else, maybe that's why I want to be homeless.

I don't blame you for wanting to run from that situation, however it seems from the responses that "running away" is a common symptom. I have not had that one yet, however when I can't function to go to work, etc. then I know it's time to go to the hospital. By going to the hospital you are plucked from your environment and life outside of the hospital sort of goes away while you're there and gives you time to recover.

[kj44]

Originally Posted by rjaimz

I also have the urge to run, and the sad part about it is that I do run. I run often. I run all the time. I have been back and fourth between texas, oklahoma, and new mexico 12 times in the last 6 months. The sad part about it is that my entire family lives in ohio. I haven't even gone there in years. I have no family outside of ohio and for some reason I refuse to go back there. I am really trying to focus on getting better and staying put for awhile. I really do understand where you are coming from. I have actually never been homeless as of yet, however I have came too close for comfort a few times. I hope you find some comfort, security and healing on your journey. Have you thought about going to a friends house to stay for a couple days to get away and take some you time. That is much safer than the homeless route. Maybe the couple days is actually all you would need to reset.

Thanks for that, I hope you find comfort on your journey!! You may be right about a couple of days, I'd give up anything for stability, safety.

[kj44]

Originally Posted by dijmart

I don't blame you for wanting to run from that situation, however it seems from the responses that "running away" is a common symptom. I have not had that one yet, however when I can't function to go to work, etc. then I know it's time to go to the hospital. By going to the hospital you are plucked from your environment and life outside of the hospital sort of goes away while you're there and gives you time to recover.

At this point in my life, I can't see myself going to a hospital. For some reason, I'm believing my mental illness is like cancer, you either take the treatment, that may make you sicker, or you just be natural, whatever happens, happens. I feel I can compare with cancer, because, I have recently lost 3 family members to it, and I actually took care of them,instead of Hospice. Now my Dad has it. I don't mean to be flip about it, I apologize ahead of time!

[budjaytx]

I can't see how allowing yourself to do that will help in the least. Separating yourself from the support of family and friends, exposing yourself to the stressor of having to find sustenance and shelter on a daily basis. I have ended up homeless a couple of times & to me it was the signal of "the bottom" and I had to turn around and 'start from zero' again. I began the tendency to run when I'd barely turned 15 but for years continued reconstructing the environment which aggravated my disfunction. I hope you do well. Do things which nourish you. In retrospection, I've lived most of my life in a perhaps dissociative state which causes me to feel I have no home attachment even after living in the same spot for years. Additionally, I experience a separation anxiety which may prevent me from being "together" to someone or completely present to my partner's needs. Take a close look at yourself. You can do better for yourself and those who love you. Good luck.

[Detach]

Originally Posted by kj44

At this point in my life, I can't see myself going to a hospital. For some reason, I'm believing my mental illness is like cancer, you either take the treatment, that may make you sicker, or you just be natural, whatever happens, happens. I feel I can compare with cancer, because, I have recently lost 3 family members to it, and I actually took care of them,instead of Hospice. Now my Dad has it. I don't mean to be flip about it, I apologize ahead of time!

K44,
Sorry, but not sure what you mean? ...Do you not take medications? I'm sorry about your family. I've lost 2 family members to cancer also, but still don't see the link between bipolar and cancer?

[kj44]

As of now, I'm only taking, Buspar, and Trazodone for sleep. I'm getting new meds on the 10th, I've tried many, and they aren't calming down the ridiculous mood swings. I KNOW, its not right to compare,sometimes I would rather not fight the fight. While physically sick people fight their butts off.
That was stupid to say, sorry all. Cancer sucks!!! My last loss was July 11, her Bday, guess it has really sent me into a spin!!!
Truly sorry for your loss also, I do understand that!

[kj44]

Originally Posted by budjaytx

I can't see how allowing yourself to do that will help in the least. Separating yourself from the support of family and friends, exposing yourself to the stressor of having to find sustenance and shelter on a daily basis. I have ended up homeless a couple of times & to me it was the signal of "the bottom" and I had to turn around and 'start from zero' again. I began the tendency to run when I'd barely turned 15 but for years continued reconstructing the environment which aggravated my disfunction. I hope you do well. Do things which nourish you. In retrospection, I've lived most of my life in a perhaps dissociative state which causes me to feel I have no home attachment even after living in the same spot for years. Additionally, I experience a separation anxiety which may prevent me from being "together" to someone or completely present to my partner's needs. Take a close look at yourself. You can do better for yourself and those who love you. Good luck.

Thanks, your very right. I started running at 13, never went back. It's been a long road, and , I will do better, I'm trying today!