"wearing my bipolar like a badge"

that is what my daughter told me yesterday...this was after i had become really ill and slept about 5 hours. i wouldn't go help her with the baby and her house and she started the bipolar stuff again. this is a very intelligent woman. very.

i work. she doesn't. she has one two year old. i had a two year old and a newborn..and she was the two year old. i had no help. my MIL never lifted a hand to help me do squat. never folded a diaper (remember cloth diapers, ladies), never cooked a meal, nada.

my work is really hard. my bipolar drives me nuts. and i'd like some support instead of yelling.

please, please give me some concrete advice. i'm at my wit's end.

it's no wonder i want to live in the wilderness with a bunch of camels, llamas, donkeys, elk and deer. i'm serious. my first pdoc told me that the reason that i like animals better than people is that they never let us down.

I'm sorry she is treating you like that.

Its her baby and you really don't have an obligation to help at all especially if she is not working. She is lucky you help at all; Its not your responsibility.

I know if I ever had a kid my mother wouldn't help. Honestly, I doubt she would even send birthday presents or visit at all.

You need to take care of you. You need to set some boundries with your daughter and she needs to take more responsibility for her child. She shouldnt expect you to help and if you do help she should be extremely grateful and thank you.

I know how you feel about animals. I much prefer my animals to people. They dont lie or hurt.

Print these out and MAKE her read them, even if you have to sit there while she does.

(Could it be that she's also depressed and unaware of it?)

http://www.livingmanicdepressive.com/C_020.html

http://www.livingmanicdepressive.com/D_220.html

Sorry you're having such a hard time...stuff like that WILL make you nuts...!

I have to say that it occurred to me, too, that perhaps your daughter is depressed/BP.

Take the time for yourself that you need to stay or get healthy. Set boundaries with love.

Take care
DJ

she takes celexa....and i've believed that she is bi-polar for quite awhile. however, trying to discuss it with her only makes her mad.

our relationship is either very good or very turbulent. i just detach and isolate.

thanks, guys......xoxo pat

My ex's mom, grandma and sister are all BP...it was kind of fun to see who was in the doghouse when, who was virtually sororicidal or matricidal...holidays were always an adventure!

I hope things get better for you, Pat...I know how hard it can be!

xoxox,
DJ

I just want to let you know that I have read your post and I do care for you. But I am not in a good place and I can't find any words to help you out.

I hope you can find peace in your heart soon!

Please take care of yourself first and foremost. You raised your children and it should be up to you how much or how little you participate in thier children. Sometimes we can't give as much as others. You have a lot on your plate and your daughter is old enough to understand that. Please think of you and you'll do the best for you and your family.

BB, i do have a lot on my plate now and i only want her to respect that and be supportive. she is an ex-heroin addict and i see some "dry drunk" behavior at times. she doesn't attend meetings or do much in aftercare. plus, i think she's bi-polar. in fact, i think my mother was also. and one sister.

i just don't have the energy to try to do too much right now. it is a day to day struggle to work and eat and feed the animals and just be. when someone is nice to me at work, i'm euphoric. i just don't have much positive re-enforcement going on and i need it. a math professor offered to tutor me in geometry today and i burst out crying. no one has offered me any help in my struggle to get into nursing school. that was so kind of him. so, at least when i enroll in health math, i'll have some help on the geometry.

it's just so damned hard to be bipolarbearian and try to live in a world today. it's one and a half step forward and two back. i really pray that the ranch refuge house will be appropriate for me to live in and i can get out of town. that would help my soul a lot. unmless those camels spit on the top of my head!

{{{{{{pat}}}}}

Until I got to your second post about your daughter being an ex-heroin addict, I would have answered slightly differently. However, my father was an alcoholic and, now that I'm an adult and can look back more detached, I strongly believe he was depressed or bi-polar and was self-medicating by drinking. He was very angry most of the time and treated my mother HORRIBLY when she was doing sooo much for him...and me. So, I can understand that type of behavior.

However, when I was in college my mother said, "If you have children, don't expect me to babysit. I've already had my child (I'm an only)." My mother and I have ALWAYS had a great relationship, more like friends. For her to say this, I knew she meant business!! The reason I'm mentioning this is we're talking here about a mother/daughter with no mental health issues. (Mine became apparent in my early 20's) Considering your health, I would have said earlier that your daughter SHOULD be helping YOU anyway she can. Since she has her own issues, concentrating on her own health (does she see a pdoc or T?) would be very beneficial.

Anyway, the main point is to not let her guilt-trip you, even if she's not doing it intentionally.

And I'm in the "liking animals better than (some) people" group too!

I'm thinking of ya, Pat.

thanksA....my daughter does see a T. one of those that i would call a "sugary sweet" person. i was asked to join them for a session, so i could be straightened out, and it was horrid. i was double-teamed and the T was the most passive-aggressive person that i've ever seen in the profession.

i had to go back to her for an evaluation for a vo-hab thing and she ended the eval by telling me that if i wnated to make my daughter happy, i should love the baby!!!!!!!!!! i have never been so shocked at something that a professional would say during a session such as we were having. and this was delivered with a ---- eating grin that nauseated me. i love the baby...but what did that have to do with anything? it means that my daughter tells her that i don't do enough and therefore, i don't love the baby.

my daughter and i haven't spoken since sunday. she's called a few times but i don't answer. the articles that Pet gave us the links for are so correct that i could have written them. it's like a game with my daughter and i am just not going to play anymore.

she doesn't go to meetings or talk to anyone who is in recovery. just this sappy T. keeping my distance seems to be the best that i can do right now..that and sleep.

xoxoxo pat

i have two family members who are supportive. if someone, here, would say, and mean it, "how are you today?".."how was yesterday?"......it would be so nice. the supportive ones don't live here, so communication with them is limited.

One of my sons is schizophrenic

The situation is very similar. He does not get adequate

treatment, only enforced meds which don't help his delusions

He tells his case worker all kinds of weird stuff about me &

the h & his brother. & he tries to force

us to do stuff & buy stuff for him because he says we made

him mad.

This is emotional blackmail, but it doesn't seem to help to

know that.

i'm going to the commissary with my dauaghter today. i told her that i expect and need an apology and that she needs to be supportive or else we can't be around each other. we'll see.

zorah, many, many hugs to you. love, pat

i went to my daughter's house today. my GD is too sick and we did not go to commissary. i made her, daughter, read what Pet linked me to in here. she almost passed out. she started crying and apologizing and then said it fit her to a T also. it was a very, very emotional day. we yelled and cried and tried to clear the air..as much as two crazy people can. one ex-heroin addict and one bipolarbearian nut...in a house together for 7 hours...trying to work things out. she is going to an NA meeting this week and i am continuging to go to the Al-Anon group that i've always gone to. and i'm still seeing my Pdoc. he actually is my T now. then we cried and cried about Josh being in Iraq. he is on another "mission".......can we not end this frigging war and bring everyone home???????????? i digress. xoxox pat

Happy for you , Pat! So good that you and your daughter had this "talk". You´re taking the situation to an other level and will move forward- so impressed by both of you!

Hugs and love
Nina

((((( Pat )))))

I am so happy that you and your daughter had this time together, I'm also happy to see, she is starting to see things and understand. I am wishing you continued progress with a better,re-newed relationship with her as time grows by.
Take care now,
Roe

(((((((((((((((( fayerody )))))))))))))

So encouraging!! Keep being strong!