Needed 2 escape...

Took some AD's, some benzos and some painkillers... Not enough to kill me, just to knock me out. I think 4 of each...

So why the pills? Escape from what? If you only Think four, even if four, your could still die.

What's going on? Where are you?

I'm at home in bed... I broke up with my 'bf' a few weeks ago, coz after 2 yrs of 'dating' and 12 yrs of friendship, he had nothing concrete to offer. Then yesterday he shows up at my door, takes me to dinner and doesn't mention my 'ultimatum' at all... I txt him to ask 'what was lastnight about' no answer (we didnt get intimate btw, just hung out and fell asleep in eachothers arms) i don't know what he wants from me,my head and heart hurt from guessing. That's why the need to escape. And i'm sure i w0n't die. Pills have never done anything worse than knock me out,even after taking 100. It's a curse.

Why do i have a headache? I took some painkillers, supposed to diminish the pain. Not cause it...

So you let him do this & moreover you're okay with paying this price for it?

Seems pretty clear what he wants from you..someone who will come, give, but make no absolute demands. Why should he answer your text?

Sorry, but someone who drives you to pills is no one you need in your life. what happens when/if you come to?

Please let us know if/when you do. About when might that be?

Chemicals aren't entirely predictable. That's why people die sometimes when they don't expect to.

Call someone. Don't take a chance. Please!

I agree that you don't need your ex bf in your life. It sounds like he isn't willing to talk to you about the real issues.

Are you OK? Please call pdoc or 911. I hope you are safe.

My mother made a suicide gesture, took eleven pills. She'd made lots of more serious attempts before. Anyway, those few pills were her last. She died a week later, after suffering epileptic fits, stroke, heart attack, kidney failure, liver failure, and pneumonia. It was a very painful way to die.

NEVER mess with those things. You don't know when a gesture or attempt to escape for a few hours will take everything from you.

Trippin,
You have stopped your psych meds, because you didn't want to take pills anymore, right? If you won't take them to control your BP, then why take them at all...even to numb the pain and hurt.

I think you should examine WHAT is causing the pain and hurt instead of covering it up- It's the dysfunctional relationship you're in. If you let him go you will make room for someone new to come into your life- as long as you cling to hope that he will be what you want him to be, then your heart is closed to any other possibilities.

Just a thought...

Trippin please find someone to be with you or call someone? I'm worried about you...

Hey guys, don't worry, i'm ok. Just need a timeout. Only went down for a nap, the pills were useless. I didn't mean to worry anybody, been doing this since I was 15 and figured it was better than resorting back to cutting. I told x to eff off. I hurt badly :'(

I am glad you are OK. Maybe it's time to work on this in therapy? What you have been doing are coping strategies, however, they are not healthy and could hurt you badly.

I quit therapy coz it was uncomfortable. God i just wanna die, but i don't have the guts...

Uncomfortable means it is working. It sucks to bring up the things that hurt, but your T can help guide you through and give you skills to handle it outside the T's office. Think about it, OK?

Part of me just wants to forget the bp... I'll see how it goes...

It would be nice to forget about bp, but not at the cost of your life.

Very different statements here.... "Just need a time out"..."God I just wanna die"...."want to forget about the BP".

I think going off your meds and not seeing your Tdoc is taking it's toll. Unfortunately, most people with BP have to think about the BP at least to get treatment. Now that I'm well and stable I don't think about the BP much (it definitely doesn't consume me) I take my meds and show up for all my appt.'s as scheduled- so that I don't have to think about it much. If I wasn't doing those things, then I would get ill and THEN I would have to think about it much more.

Not taking care of yourself will not help your situation....just like taking "mini" overdoses will not help either.

It sounds like going off your meds was not a good move. I know you don't "want" to take them, but without them you are miserable, you are overdosing and putting your life in jeapardy. Sounds like you ran from therapy because you didn't want to face the pain. Well, is this really less painful? Isn't your life worth more than this? Time to get back with the program and try to get stabilized. Hope you start feeling better soon. By the way, don't assume taking an overdose won't kill you. Very, very dangerous.

I agree with all the people posting .... Lots of people over medicate and things can put you in serious trouble medically. I know you went off your BiPolar meds recently .. Maybe this is a wake up call that you need to back on them ...

None of us really want to take medications BUT i think all of us have tried to go off the meds at some point and just " see what happens" You need to ignore this guy and realize you deserve so much better ,, but you need to be stable ..

Please Please Please talk to you doctor ASAP ...

Wishing you love and peace ~

Also....don't think of the pain and hurt as a road block that you must hang on to forever- everything in this world is ever changing.

The key is to face the pain head on (with the help of your tdoc)...don't turn your back on it or it will fester, then move through it...you will eventually see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Thanks for the support guys it's appreciated. I'm not going back on meds though. I've got this, been thru way worse...

Why are you still putting chemicals into your body randomly that, just as randomly, could kill you??? We are all trying to support you. Let us.

Managed to work half day. Going to go back to bed...

Trippin'! (Got way behind...catching up today on the forums...) I am very worried for you. Please be careful.